How do I get him to leave?

[StLucia4]

I own my house. It’s mortgaged.

Boyfriend has lived here 18months. I’ve own it for 25years.

Relationship has broken down beyond repair. I want him to leave.

The problem; he has no job, no savings, no friends or family to call upon and £15 in his account.

He was working but unfortunately the job came to a natural end and there are no offers on the horizon.

How do I get him to leave?

If he has been a big earner with. I dependents or assets - where do you think his money has gone? Has he any addictions?

Also v hard to get sales jobs post 50 - he might have to broaden his search?

@Inappropriatefemale

You state there are similarities between psychopaths and those on the autistic spectrum.

Please could you support this statement with peer-reviewed research from a respectable journal?

Or were you just making a horribly ableist and ignorant comment?

Scautish

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3826592/

www.intechopen.com/online-first/empathy-autism-and-psychopathy

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/shadow-boxing/201402/aspergers-disorder-vs-psychopathy%3famp

www.psy.ox.ac.uk/publications/572244

There are a lot of articles around this however I don't think the OP here was suggesting people with autism are psychopaths just simply there are traits which are similar in both conditions.

@champagneandfromage90

Firstly it wasn't the OP I tagged - it was a poster who said It’s only hard to break away StLucia4 because he is a psycho and funnily enough Aspergers and Psychopathy have a few of the same traits!

Also, thank you for finding links but:

Link 1 didn't work
Link 2 is not from a reputable journal
Link 3 argues my point - that despite what people think (i.e. the popular view of Asperger's on sites like this) autistic people are not more or less likely to be violent (and in cases where and autistic person is violent, then there are comorbities present which are more likely to explain)
Link4 - only the abstract but they key point - which is EXTREMELY important - is that whilst some NT people believe that autistic people don't have empathy, they are actually very different types of empathy "deficiency". " Conversely, high ASD traits relate to problems with cognitive perspective-taking but not resonating with others' emotions."

None of your articles support the idea that there are overlapping traits - but do support the fact that many people assume autistic people have no empathy, but actually these people don't understand that we (autistic people) have no defiency in affective empathy (my friend's mum dies and I absolutely understand this is a horrifically painful experience and I feel very sad for her and try to help) but do lack cognitive empathy (e.g my friend gets a lovely new pair of shoes and wants to show me them and is hurt when I say I'm not interested and they don't look that special)

Time and time again on MN you read a thread where a person (usually a man) has been abusive and someone immediately suggests autism. What I am trying to do is challenge that common stereotype and misunderstanding of autism (particularly autism without learning difficulties).

autistic and NT people alike will share traits with psychpaths (I'm sure most of the people who bullied me at school were neurotypical and not psychopaths, but bullying is a common trait is psychopaths). can I then state that NT's and psychopaths have similar traits? well yes technically, but the taken without context it is misleading.

We are wired differently. We are not unfeeling monsters and we get very, very hurt ourselves (especially as children and teenagers when other children are so cruel). I am absolutely mortified when I hear I have hurt someone (and this is a very fundamental difference with psychopaths).

Sorry for the lengthy and unstructured ramble but I really, really wish people understood autism more.

Hi all. I have never at any point suggested there are links between autism/Aspergers and psychopathic traits. Perhaps a comment from @inapprropriate may have alluded to this?!
I did say there may be similar traits between autism and Aspergers.
I believe my son 22 has Aspergers or autistic traits. I will never know as our Doctor refused to get him tested.
My bf (as I will refer to him here) is a highly functioning intellect with much success in sales.
I work in education and recognise autistic traits in students.
I dated my bf for a year and I did not recognise any signs.
It was only shortly after he moved in, I began to notice the signs; say 4-5 months.
I believe no-one would recognise his condition upon meeting him although he can be very chatty (too chatty sometimes) with new people. I put this down to his lack of social awareness.
Another example ... I would be talking to my son in the kitchen and a few times he’s interrupted without saying ‘Excuse me...may I have a word with Mum?!’
When it first happened I was like
His ex gf has a couple of degrees and she is heavily involved in education. She also has 4 children who are on the autistic spectrum and very intelligent. Two of them at uni. I suggested he should have recognised their behaviours in himself or at least his ex gf should have! But apparently no discussion took place.
I find that hard to believe. Maybe she just didn’t see them or chose to ignore it?! Or maybe the women in his life aren’t as blunt as me .
He has dated a Doctor, lawyers and other professionals. Maybe he wasn’t with them long enough for them to notice or there are women out there who just don’t know an Aspie when they see one!
Our local bar man noticed upon meeting him for the first time.
Of course he kept this info to himself until I raised the subject. I was so happy to hear his views and that he agreed with my armchair diagnosis.
He told me “watch when he has a few pints...when he’s had a few he’ll start walking on his tip toes!” Apparently that’s a sign! . I was laughing and said I can’t wait to try this out.

@Gutterton no addictions. We both like to eat and drink socially. He’s been with me 24/7 almost over the holidays and when I’m not working.
He drank the total of 5 cans of beer and we shared 1 bottle of wine over the Xmas holidays. No alcohol consumed for New Year. I prefer to drink in a pub. I’m not bothered at home.
He’s never smoked. Doesn’t hide phone. If anything I’m consumed by his presence. I’ve often said when he was working... why don’t to go to the pub for a beer alone. His response was ... I prefer it if we go together!

Scautish I read it ages ago on the internet and I didn’t make it up, it was in 2014 when I was looking into Aspergers and this is the info I read

Yes I didn’t say Aspergers and Paychopaths are the same, just that there are similar traits.

Although my ex is a nutter then he isn’t a psychopath, he has Aspergers and is an idiot and in all honesty as much as what I said is true then it was a joke in the sense that his behaviour towards me is wrong.

Well done OP, you're being very firm about this! I don't have any advice but I hope he lands on his feet soon so you can have your house to yourself again.

@fortheloveofmoney thank you. I’m fully aware the chances of him landing a job before end January are zilch due to his age but he’s still up there trying his hardest. This is why I’m certain in my mind I want him to leave.
I’ve had enough of him being unemployed.
I don’t want to think badly of him by the time he leaves but I am so bored of him now

Hi all,

Just a quick update. There is 11 days left to go before I’m a free woman. Since I last wrote, he has finally completed a UC application. He is allowed to claim as a single person despite still living here. They will check that out once app is under way.
He’s been in touch with British Legion (with me present listening to call). They’ve yet to come back with anything.
He’s barely sleeping and has taken on the bulk of the cooking (even more so than usual).
He tried to kiss me recently ... eeewww gross. I’m definitely not attracted to him any longer.

I’m just so excited at the thoughts of being single again.

Hope all is well in your lives

@StLucia4 has he gone now?!

@singlma Yes. I drove him to town. There were a lot of tears.
He received emergency housing straight away in a hostel which is very unpleasant. He’s currently sharing a room with 9 others sleeping in bunk beds.
They have to leave at 10am and not return until 2030. Today he’s been in touch. He’s been walking the streets all day.
I resisted the temptation to say, stay here until 8pm. I remained strong.
He was given £100 emergency cash out of an allowance of £317 per month.
I’m so proud I didn’t cave in.
I’m meeting him tomorrow just for a coffee timed with picking up my son.

It’s so kind of you to ask xx