How do I get him to leave?

[StLucia4]

I own my house. It’s mortgaged.

Boyfriend has lived here 18months. I’ve own it for 25years.

Relationship has broken down beyond repair. I want him to leave.

The problem; he has no job, no savings, no friends or family to call upon and £15 in his account.

He was working but unfortunately the job came to a natural end and there are no offers on the horizon.

How do I get him to leave?

Show him the door and be done with him. He's a grown man and you're not his mother, fgs. Sorting out his life is his responsibility, and he has absolutely no motivation to do so as long as you keep sheltering him from the real world.

@Aquamarine1029 I’m the least sentimental person but it’s hard to chuck someone I once loved out on the street with just £15 in his pocket.
He has a huge amount of belongings here. If he had £200 in his pocket and one suitcase, I’d feel different.
The mother of his two children isn’t even willing to help.
I will definitely get him to go to the homeless association and try there tomorrow.
He has no car. If he did at least he could sleep in there until he was sorted.
I think I’m going to have to be tough and boot his arse out and get him to go to the job centre and take any crap rather than look for a cushty sales job.
I’ve worked in education. I could give a list as long as my arm with his traits that point to him being Aspergers.
He has a photographic memory and has great recall about everything from as far back as 30 years ago.
He’s an intellect and I feel I’m living with an academic professor.
He talks hours about one subject until I play dead so that I don’t want to listen anymore.
He can sometimes be socially awkward when chatting to my friends down the pub.
He reads a book a week. His use of the English language is vast and he’ll use words you and I have never heard of but he thinks is common
The list goes on!

This is why I’m shocked he now finds himself unemployed and getting a new sales job seems impossible at present.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
I will look at all the avenues suggested tomorrow and hopefully he’ll get somewhere.

Don’t mention to the council that you feel terrible, guilty etc because they will try everything in their power not to help if they think he can be housed elsewhere.

He will also need to apply for Universal Credit just before he goes to council as this is what I had to do otherwise they will want rent off of you, I had to apply for UC days before I knew I was going to council and I gave up my self-employment because I could and because I was not forking that amount of money out to have a curfew and to have to ask to stay out overnight, you get treated like a criminal!

When I lived in a homeless B and B for 8 months then there was a man in there who worked and he had to pay the monthly rent which was just under £800 pcm and you had an 11pm curfew and not everyone got their own bathroom

@inappropriatefemale will he need to use my address to apply for UC. Did you have cash to tide you over when you got housed?
Someone upthread said it’s unlikely he will be rehoused the same day as he’s not vulnerable or disabled.
They’ll wonder why this articulate well spoken man is queuing up for a bed! They’ll probably think he’s taking the piss.

I wasn’t vulnerable or disabled and I got a B and B that day and then 8 months later I got a Private Sector Leasing hope, a PSL as it’s known and I had intentionally made myself homeless (I gave up a flat for personal reasons but it was 13 months prior to going into homeless) and I still got lucky, and with PSLs you can choose what areas you want.

You can use a care of address for you and you won’t get into trouble, my male friend didn’t and he was on the dole and I got it from his, just get him to say that his mail gets sent to you. I wouldn’t worry about anything like this.

Cash to tide me over- well I had just been self-employed so I had cash from that but I had to sign on (it was signing on back then) and once you apply for UC then you can apply for a welfare fund, I think these are the old crisis loans.

Can I ask if you live in Scotland?

He will get his breakfast everyday in the B and B for free as long as he is up on time and the DWP/Council will deffo help him with a food bank or cash.

Also I think applying for UC is online and it’s so simple.

@inappropriatefemale I can’t thank you and everyone enough for all your advice.
I live in the East of England. I will provide him with all your info and go from there. Thank you once again.
All I want is my life back.
He really is a great guy. He’s just not for me and I can’t bear the thoughts of housing him for what may be another 3months before he gets a new job.

I think it’s really nice of you to do all of this research for him, after all he is the one going homeless and yet your the one helping him do what he needs too, it reminds me of my relationship with my Aspies ex, I can see the same in you caring for him whilst he just sits on his arss and does nothing, or maybe this isn’t the case and I’m wrong but your still helping him find out about a new home, obviously because you want him out and partly because you obviously care about him.

Let us know how it all works out as so many on Mumsnet never do!

I will be sure to let you know, thanks @inappropriatefemale.
I do care that he’s not out on the streets but to be brutally honest, I just want my home back.
I know you mean well but to be fair, he’s the most hardworking guy I know.
He cooks almost everyday and manages his laundry and also takes care of me but I see it as micro managing me!
It’s been great to have someone who is so loving but Ive missed my space. Because he has no friends I feel he’s never far from my side although i still see my friends and family whenever I choose.
I reckon this is probably why he’s never married. He’s just so hard to live with.

Yes he sounds like my Aspie ex, he had one friend and dumped him when he was with me as he found it too difficult having more than one person in his life at a time, he was hard work.

See if there's any work available with live in accommodation or house sitting until he gets back on his feet. House sitting?

House sitting agencies will not entertain you unless you have your own permanent address. Exactly to prevent scenarios such as this where a homeless person would just doss in other people’s houses.

Hi. I have given him the Council number and advised him to apply for UC today. I’m so grateful for these leads. He will go ahead and apply as I know he feels bad for putting me in this situation and also, I’m sure he’ll be glad to move forward. I hope they come up with something positive for him.

OP.. in the nicest possible way.. this guy is ripping the PISS out of you .. he's makes no effort to move because you're making it all so easy for him.. feeding him.. clothing him.. keeping him warm.. why the fuck would he make ANY effort to move out?! you're providing him a lifestyle for FREE....

you need to stop being NICE.

He will need to go into the council for a place not call them, or maybe you gave him the number for UC?

@bumbleBeee69 until I read @inappropriatefemales advice I guess I never really looked into any other avenues he could try other than I hoped it wouldn’t be long until he got a new job and could afford to move out under his own steam. That was our original agreement 3 months ago.
I understand it may be many more months before he gets a new job and of course, I’m not willing to take that chance.
We still live amicably but he really does understand his time is up.
I just wanted to be a little more patient. 3months was doable. Time to press forward which is why i knew Mumsnet would come up with new ideas.
I’m quite private and not willing to discuss this with my friends. I still think he’s a good man. His circumstances are just unfortunate.
He had 5k in the bank when I met him. (I’ve seen past bank statements), a company car and he was great to be with.

God.. that sounds like I’m now want rid of him because he’s now out of work!
Our relationship was on a downward spiral long before his job ended.
I should have made him leave then

I should have made him leave then

You can make him leave now, but you won't. He's a 50-something year old cocklodger who is taking the absolute piss out of you. A "good man" does whatever it takes to support themselves, even if it means minding a till at Tesco. But why should he do that when you take care of everything? If you feel that bad for him, give him a £200 parting gift and send him on his way.

OP, you clearly care about him a great deal, to your credit, but I would be careful as he has little motivation to sort something out while you’re letting him stay, and the council certainly won’t do anything until he is homeless.
I had a similar thing with an ex, though he turned out to have much bigger problems and be a total ares, but I tried to do all this stuff for him & you just can’t, he has to do it himself and he doesn’t really want to as he doesn’t believe you’re really going to chuck him out (or won’t accept reality, which is just as bad but more heartbreaking).

Give him all this stuff, 7 day deadline & follow through. You may wish to consider blocking him after he goes, as if he doesn’t find somewhere to go in advance he might choose to get nasty (though hopefully not, just speaking form experience).

Take care of yourself, no one else will &you’re not his mum.

tell him you want him out tomorrow.. and start packing for him.. If you don't OP he'll be with you forever.. rent free

@Aquamarine1029 sadly I don’t have £200 to spare. I live off a tight budget hence the mess we’re in. I’d gladly give him a a pay off if I had it.
I have no intention of keeping in contact. I’m hoping once he gets a B&B I will drop off his belongings (he has lots of books and clothes) and never look back.

I would suggest he starts selling off some of his stuff to release done quick cash. Otherwise you will end up storing it for him.

We’re getting rid of all books except for half dozen. I’ve already told him I’m not storing any of his belongings as I don’t wish to see him again once he’s left the building.
I’m ex Forces and can be quite brutal so I’m actually cringing reading your comments.
If I were to give advice if the roles were reversed, I’d be saying exactly the same as you. No holds barred. No sentiment. Just get rid.

OP you control this situation not him...