How to leave an absuive relationship - Follow on from termination post

[soconfussedwithwhattodo]

I decided to start a new thread on how to exit out of the relationship safely now I've had a termination. Previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy_choices/3765256-AIBU-to-have-a-termination-behind-DP-back

For context the relationship broke down the start of last year and I moved out as it was abusive, I stupidly took him back at the end of summer, but I still live on my own. I found out I was pregnant and had a termination last week, but he believes I've had a miscarriage as he wanted the baby. We are still technically together, but I want to end it for good. He is very manipulative, controlling and when I end the relationship he will make threats of suicide, potentially stalk, turn up at my house and hassle me for money he believes I owe him (ongoing financial abuse). I want out for good, but I need support on doing this. I've asked my IDVA about the sanctuary scheme and see her on Thursday. He has a long history of abuse, stalking and harassment with three ex partners that I'm aware of.

in reply to your last comment on previous thread - best way to prevent it being printed in the daily mail is to intersperse insults to Daily Mail staff, owners and readers regularly throughout the opening post or soon after.

eg every one who reads the daily mail is a brainless idiot, its staff are not journalists but clockbait drones and it is owned by nazis.

they hesitate to drive traffic to a thread that has that in.

I don't have any advice OP unfortunately but just want to jump on what @ElluesPichulobu has said and say that the Daily Mail, Sun and similar tabloids jumping on this would be irresponsible as they could literally put a vulnerable woman's life in danger and need to consider very carefully whether they'd like to take that risk.

Oops, I meant self report previous thread.

clockbait was a typo for clickbait.

good luck. you have been so strong and brilliant. you are doing so well.

I've requested the other thread is taken down just for peace of mind.

Have you spoken to Womens Aid or Rights of Women???
Do you have friends who would help support you with the relationship ending?
i.e. be there if you feel threatened or kick his fucking head in for you?
You will need a restraining order so get the ball rolling on that asap.
Does he have keys to your house?
If so then get the locks changed when you are going to finish it properly.
Call 101 and tell them about him and what you are planning to do.
They will put you on a priority call list so if you dial 999 they will be out fast.
Tell everyone.
Get as much RL support around you as possible.

DAILY MAIL - SUN ETC..... Get out there and find one of the thousands of women who want their story to be public.
The ones who have overcome everything and come out the other side and who now help others! There's plenty out there. Tell their story!!!

Your IDVA hasn't advised you on a non molestation order or any other steps to keep him away from you?

He's stalking you which is a criminal offence and has form for this. Why hasn't he been charged? How come he isn't being arrested when he turns up at yours?

Contact the National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV). They are a charity that provide a free, fast emergency injunction service to survivors of domestic violence. You can call them free on 0800 970 20 70 for advice or assistance on getting an injunction in place.

You can also contact Rights of Women for free legal advice. If you can't afford a solicitor, there are other ways of getting free or cheap legal help. Take a look here: www.lawworks.org.uk/legal-advice-individuals

I see, you're still with him.

Technically I am, but very low contact right now until I know what to do next and have a plan. I haven't seen my IDVA since a week before xmas. I've been told by a solicitors that I don't have a case for a non mol as nothing has happened in the last two weeks to warrant one. The abuse is very calculated and difficult to prove, but escalates quickly when I break up with him. I'm in a position where I need to break up with him to let it escalate to then get a non mol, but first I need to make sure I am covered from all angles before it gets nasty. I have asked my IDVA about extra security today as I think that's important.

I'm really confused here OP.

What support do you need for what exactly? The Sanctuary Scheme just makes sure the home is secure in case he attempts to break in. What about a Restraining Order? If you're still in a relationship with him, why are you changing the locks etc? Surely he comes in?

Sorry, I'm just confused as to what you are trying to achieve.

in reply to your last comment on previous thread - best way to prevent it being printed in the daily mail is to intersperse insults to Daily Mail staff, owners and readers regularly throughout the opening post or soon after.

This is nonsense. They’ll just not quote those in their article.

Op if you’re worried about this being published, you’re best off seeking real life help and not posting on here. Nothing is private or immune from being the subject of a newspaper story.

Just posted this on the original thread but think it's important for other posters in a similar situation...

You've done so well OP you've had such a shit few weeks and been really brave.

Just a reminder to people that it's a public forum and so Daily Mail dont have to adhere to people saying they dont want their threads used.

I only say this because it's best people don't post anything that is so identifying they would be recognised should it be picked up by press, as there's no legal reason (though arguably there is a moral reason!) they are prohibited from printing anything at all from a MN thread even if the OP specifically says they don't want them to.

Thinking of you OP

12345kbm Maybr try reading the whole thread eh?

@SpudsAreLife84 I'm having a conversation with the OP. If you're having a bad day, perhaps take it elsewhere or add something useful.

In the nicest way, I don’t think this thread is Daily Mail fodder. It’s no humour or shock factor, so I think you’ll be ok. Taking the previous thread down is probably not a bad idea though.

KOKO

Hey op one day at a time. You're bound to feel traumatized, i hope that the relevant agencies can offer you support to help you get yourself out of this safely

I've asked the other thread to be taken down and this is a follow on for support since having the termination and leaving the relationship.

@12345kbm he doesn't live with me and all I have is a key lock on my door, so I want to see if anything can be added to my property for extra security when I do leave him. It's not an easy thing to leave a relationship even when abusive and that's why I am on here. I wish it was as easy as writing a dear john letter and going about my day, but it isn't and I need support right now. My plan was to leave once I had the termination, which was only just over a week ago and still currently the plan. I'm not actioning anything until I see my idva, but any support or advice would be appreciated and that's the point of this thread right now.

A Ring doorbell might be an idea, also maybe speak to a locksmith about getting a dead bolt fixed on.

People seem to be incredibly obtuse on here ..

Does anyone have any practical or emotional advice for helping op permanently end and extricate herself from an abusive relationship??

@SilverSurfer2020 No, we're all sitting back waiting for your pearls of wisdom.

With a stalker-type incidentally.