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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So sad but can't prove spiked drink ended my relationship

125 replies

Opentooffers · 05/01/2020 21:18

I can't believe the behaviour my BF explained I was doing after midnight on NY. Granted, I had had a fair amount to drink, but not the first time in life I've had a fair bit. The trouble is I have hours missing where I apparently flirted with others in front of my BF (really not like me, I was very happy with my BF), then made out with his work colleague right in front of him and when asked by him to come away with him refused. I have no memory of what this work colleague even looks like.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing, I had similar blank episodes about 20 years ago after someone offered me a free drink - it was my first on in the club, I was young and naive at the time.
I don't remember walking home after, until I got in my street. I've reported it on 101 but I can tell by the attitude of the PO he thought I was just another drunk person who did something they shouldn't and is looking for excuses. I just know in my heart and head that something is not right about the whole thing. One minute I was tidly but fine, then scared, then blank.
I can't ever hope that my BF will believe me if the police don't can I? Up until the blank, the night had been magical, I was so loved up. Now I'm confused, upset, feel violated and the whole thing is a mess. My BF wont communicate with me, can't say I blame him on the face of it. It's just not something I would do or have done before when drunk, I don't get it. Just feel so sad and sould destroyed by it, can't stop the tears. I'm convinced my drink got spiked, but nobody else is likely to believe me. Gutted, is therer anything more I can do?

OP posts:

Antibles · 06/01/2020 18:33

If it felt different to every other time you have gone drinking, and your behaviour was different too, I'd trust your gut. And you were in the company of someone who has admitted to spiking drinks?! What a deeply dodgy friend. I reckon there's your answer. I wouldn't be apologising, I'd be feeling angry.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 06/01/2020 19:28

If it felt different to every other time you have gone drinking, and your behaviour was different too, I'd trust your gut.

Me too. That's essentially what the police said to my DS - that at first they assumed he was drunk but then recognised he wasn't acting or talking like a "normal" drunk. It was the oddness they picked up on.

Aridane · 06/01/2020 19:33

Why have a I been deleted for quoting from an emergency medical expert from Imperial University about spiking being grossly over reported and excessive drinking being the real culprit ?!?

alvinp · 06/01/2020 20:09

To those suggesting date rape is rare, or that GHB is easily detected, look no further than today's headlines:
Priti Patel urges review of date-rape drugs after Reynhard Sinaga case

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jan/06/priti-patel-urges-review-of-date-rape-drugs-after-reynhard-sinaga-case?

alvinp · 06/01/2020 20:13

sorry should have said
"To those suggesting drink spiking is rare..."

Lucky44 · 06/01/2020 20:14

Sounds like your drink was spiked. I had a drink spiked at a work private Christmas party. Complete lack of inhibitions and massive memory loss for huge chunks of the evening. I believe you

Scott72 · 06/01/2020 20:21

The OP has come to terms with things and moved on from the thread, but anyhow I got blackout drunk a couple times when I was much younger and more stupid. All I remember is having a couple drinks, then... nothing. I certainly wasn't drugged, just drunk. I think, just based on my experience, that when you cross the line from very drunk to blackout drunk, all the memories from shortly after you start drinking just get wiped.

Middersweekly · 06/01/2020 21:00

OP I have had my drink spiked many years ago. I had one drink (only larger) then ordered another I left it on the side to go and dance on the dance floor and went back to it. I had only had about 1/3rd of it when it was knocked out of my hand by someone in the club who walked straight into me. He apologized and bought me another but as I was sipping that drink I started to feel funny so I left it and told my friend I wasn’t feeling right and needed to go straight home. I was violently sick on the way home and could barely walk. I had 1.5 drinks tops altogether so I knew for sure I was spiked because 1.5 drinks would not have even made me tipsy! If the drink hadn’t been accidentally knocked out of my hand and I had drunk all of it I would have collapsed in the club.
I couldn’t say whether or not your drink was spiked as there are many things it could have been spiked with. It’s unlikely to have been rohipnol though.
As for your BF. All you can do is apologize and let him know how out of character it is for you to behave like that.

Original poster

Opentooffers · 06/01/2020 21:55

I suspect I've been blocked, he lives close by, but I'm not into begging when someone doesn't want to even discuss another side and he has asked me not to contact him, so I will respect that .The ball's in his court if he ever wants to discuss it, he can unblock me. He is the type of guy who can jump to conclusions normally, he is aware this is a part of his character. If anything changes, I'll update, not a lot more to be said for now. Strange that spiking is so prominent in the news today, for much more sinister reasons. The welling up of fear and panic I had just before the blank I won't forget, that is very unusual, I'm generally a laid back person with few anxieties.

OP posts:

Original poster

Opentooffers · 06/01/2020 22:10

Geez, I feel dumb now, I remember feeling some resistance when I pulled the JD off the bar, but I wasn't directly looking at it so assumed that the bar tender hadn't let go of it yet, it's just come back to me, that and thinking the first sip tasted odd which I've known for a while so expected it was that drink. Was on bottles before then, I'll stick to them in future.

OP posts:

AllideasAndNoAction · 06/01/2020 22:26

You might have been spiked, you might not. Plenty of people behave as you did on alcohol alone and plead innocence the next day because they don’t remember doing/saying whatever it was that got them into a pickle. Absolutely pointless going to the police - where would they start with ‘my BF says I was flirting, I must have had my drink spiked’?

I think spiking is usually targeted and it seems odd that someone would target you on a night you were out with your boyfriend. What would they have to gain?

OvenGlovesWillTearUsApart · 06/01/2020 22:31

Is it possible the work colleague you were allegedly all over did the spiking?

Do you know his first name? Can you google that and his place of work?

Original poster

Opentooffers · 06/01/2020 23:03

I feel better knowing the likely moment it happened, stupid for thinking nothing of it at the time, but you don't go out expecting it and I was in a place I've never been before.

OP posts:

Original poster

Opentooffers · 06/01/2020 23:08

Doesn't help matters much if I can't get BF to listen. I'm glad not to doubt myself at all now though, I know it wasn't right, I know deep down it was more than just alcohol and that's enough for me.

OP posts:

EsmeSwan · 06/01/2020 23:14

Request bloods to be taken and explain why. Some drugs can still be in the bloodstream weeks later, but as I said in another post, if I had a pound for every person who told me the drink was spiked......

Goodgollymiss · 06/01/2020 23:21

I think you would like to think you were spiked so that you had something to blame for your behaviour... no judgement here been there

Treesthemovie · 07/01/2020 00:18

You weren't looking at your drink as you picked it up from the bar and felt a resistance but still didn't look?

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2020 07:35

Op how old are you and your ex? In your forties?

Talkingmouse · 07/01/2020 10:57

Ignore anyone on the thread saying you weren’t spiked based on their one experience of it...there are many different drugs that can have multiple different impacts on different people.

The bottom line - spiked or not - is your remorse is genuine and any decent guy would have some empathy and hear you out.

Glaceon · 07/01/2020 11:02

We believe my ex was spiked once and he was not coherent enough to be chatting up or making out. You got pissed and behaved like a twat.

loobyloo1234 · 07/01/2020 11:13

I couldn't walk or talk when my drink was spiked. Collapsed in a pub toilets and had to be ferried home by a very sympathetic taxi driver who kept pulling over to let me be sick. Apparently anyway. Luckily my friend was with me and knew something wasn't right as I'd only had 2 drinks. I don't remember even a jot of it

BumbleBeee69 · 07/01/2020 13:51

I'm baffled as to why posters believe they would all have the same reaction when/if they were spiked... nobody is going to have the same reaction... period.

Original poster

Opentooffers · 08/01/2020 15:17

I've found out that I have a right to ask to see any CCTV footage under the data protection act, so have applied to the club owner. Hopefully, some light may be shed on events. (Investigatory hat goes on).

OP posts:

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/01/2020 15:43

If nothing else that will be a very interesting, unique experience...

... Closure or not, few people get to be their own Sherlock!

BumbleBeee69 · 08/01/2020 22:14

Good on you lass.. one way or another you will see for yourself what occurred.. at least you will know..

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