So sad but can't prove spiked drink ended my relationship

[Opentooffers]

I can't believe the behaviour my BF explained I was doing after midnight on NY. Granted, I had had a fair amount to drink, but not the first time in life I've had a fair bit. The trouble is I have hours missing where I apparently flirted with others in front of my BF (really not like me, I was very happy with my BF), then made out with his work colleague right in front of him and when asked by him to come away with him refused. I have no memory of what this work colleague even looks like.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing, I had similar blank episodes about 20 years ago after someone offered me a free drink - it was my first on in the club, I was young and naive at the time.
I don't remember walking home after, until I got in my street. I've reported it on 101 but I can tell by the attitude of the PO he thought I was just another drunk person who did something they shouldn't and is looking for excuses. I just know in my heart and head that something is not right about the whole thing. One minute I was tidly but fine, then scared, then blank.
I can't ever hope that my BF will believe me if the police don't can I? Up until the blank, the night had been magical, I was so loved up. Now I'm confused, upset, feel violated and the whole thing is a mess. My BF wont communicate with me, can't say I blame him on the face of it. It's just not something I would do or have done before when drunk, I don't get it. Just feel so sad and sould destroyed by it, can't stop the tears. I'm convinced my drink got spiked, but nobody else is likely to believe me. Gutted, is therer anything more I can do?

Was going to name change for this but what the heck. Not my shame to carry. I was definitely spiked with something in my early 20s (20 years ago) I'd had one small glass of red wine. I was in a very settled relationship but by 7pm was having sex with a complete stranger in a hotel. I've never even so much as kissed someone that I didn't already know. Utterly out of character. I felt like I was on a "come down" the next day. I think it probably was a date rape drug of some sort. Not much use to you I know, but wanted to share my story as I think what you've suspected is perfectly plausible. Good luck op x

A work colleague had her drink spiked and she came round outside a club and found she couldn't walk properly. Luckily the police were around and offered to keep an eye on her into her friends found her.

OP, I've been spiked.

There was no flirting, kissing or anything like that.
I was out cold within a v. short space of time - I remember getting to the pub one minute, the next I woke up in hospital. I couldn't stand, walk or even talk really (anything remotely coherent anyway, from what I was told)

I really don't think you were spiked.
It sounds like you'd had way too much to drink and acted up.

I'd confirm with the colleague, ask him what happened.
But, at the end of the day, if he'd done that to you how would you have felt?

You said you were drunk so there would be no need to spike your drink. You just wait for you to pass out of your own accord.

You haven't been with him long and you made an error.

Such a toxic forum! It could be that the Op was spiked - if it’s not happened to you or you’ve no experience about it then you can’t say for sure she wasn’t - if you do a tiny bit of research you will find that it affects people differently & what the OP describes - lowered inhibitions, black outs, behaviour change etc are all symptoms - you don’t necessarily just pass out!

It is hard to say as being extremely drunk also causes similar behaviour - but I think it is unlikely being crazy drink would result in kissing someone else - likely she would have been sloppily all over her own boyfriend

Anyway we can’t say for sure - but I can’t believe how horrible people are being on this tbh

Hope you are ok Op

Certainly split opinion, I'm shocked and appalled about the behaviour too, if it happened as I'm told, so I agree there, it's bad. Would I forgive? I'd certainly be interested in what their point of view was before cutting them off. Maybe one day he'll ask my reasoning- there was non, whatever the cause. I do go out without drinking at times, sometimes I stop at 1or2, sometimes more. On this occasion being NYE, bottles of peroni, with dancing in between and eating sandwiches and nibbles, out at 8, blank at 12 after my first JD - which I noted had an odd taste first couple of sips but seemed to improve as went on, that's also made me wonder.

With a spiked drink the victim can behave totally out of character.. And yes memory loss is part of it. Blood tests can detect drugs of certain types but not all drugs. Laboratory hair analysis can detect certain drugs also even months after the event. To say that the victim will pass out is the only symptom is totally inaccurate.

I'd get tested

this is an old report on the increase in spiked drinks - I assume it's higher now - www.independent.co.uk/life-style/drink-spike-how-to-stop-protect-clubbing-bars-drinkaware-spiking-a8546726.html

more recent figures - www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50508559
so it's not an impossibility that your drink was interfered with

I think we have established that people have different symptoms depending on what drug, how much and how much alcohol with the spiking, so there is no exact answer. I just know I had similar symptoms 20 years ago after my first drink of the night, which I unwittingly accepted from a stranger, it's my closest comparison after another 20 years of drinking experience where this hasnt happened. However, I can take the hits, it's not personal. It helps to talk about it, that's the good a forum does. I'll listen to all opinions.

I believe you.

Different drugs have different effects on everyone. I've been spiked twice and had 2 very different reactions.

First time was in a club with Rohypnol - I remember the lights being very bright all of a sudden, I was roasting hot and collapsed on the dance floor. Ended up in hospital for the night.

Second time was a so-called friend dropping something in my drink to "liven things up" as I was the only one at the party who didn't take drugs (literally won't even take a puff of a joint). I remember arguing with the group, coming into my house then I blacked out completely.

DH told me things happened that night that I won't go into but he said it was terrifying because although I was doing them he could see that it wasn't me. I still have no recollection of it.

Maybe going out on a limb here but do you only have your BF's version of events? Is there any possibility he was looking for a way out of the relationship and came up with a reason to dump you? Just seems odd to me that you have no idea what his colleague looks like despite being okay between 8 and midnight....

I’m sorry but I personally don’t believe it’s very likely there are phantom spikers lurking at Christmas parties randomly spiking people’s drinks so they can sit back and watch the carnage.

Sadly, there are. Myself and a friend spent the second half of our new years party taking care of a room full of people when a friend of a friend spiker thought it would be fun to sit back and watch the carnage.

I’m a male, and have my own personal experience of being spiked also.

I can generally hold my drink and have had some wild nights out over the years, with 10+ pints, spirits, wine, etc etc on top. No matter how much I drink, I’ve never suffered memory loss and generally remember (albeit fuzzily on more drunken nights) what I’ve been up to.

On the night I was spiked, my last memory was ordering a second pint around 9pm - and next thing I was waking up in my clothes the next morning, 14 hours later, lying on top of my bed. Absolutely zero recollection of getting home or anything else that happened that night.

Friends later confirmed I hadn’t drunk that much at all, appeared no more than a little tipsy and said my goodbyes very coherently at midnight to go home. Flatmate at time recounted a 45 min conversation when I got in - prior to falling asleep - where I didn’t seem overly drunk but was ‘weird’ according to her. Zero recollection of that too.

I found out much later down the line that a friend of a friend had put something in a few random drinks thinking it would be funny.

I didn’t feel sick or hungover or anything the next day, just strangely fuzzy and detached. So I’d fully believe that you could have been spiked and depending on what was used, it could have left you with no memory of anything and behaving strangely.

I saw someone throw a pill into my drink once in a bar - it was a woman (I am also a woman) - who knows, she may have been trying to cop off with me or maybe it was something more or less sinister than that. I also believe I was spiked by someone I went on a date with - not OK for him to do that at all, but it did make me extremely horny, from what I remember of it the sex was amazing, and I had fuzzy, gappy memories of the whole thing in the morning - I had been drinking as well. It was different. I can admit to having been stupidly, dangerously drunk in my life and have experimented with various drugs, had various one night stands or short flings, none of which I have any shame about, and this was...different.

So I don't have too much trouble believing your version of events. I think in the fullness of time, these things tend to come to light, but you're in the here and now, so that's not likely to help at this point.

I'm sorry that your relationship has ended as a result of it. I can see it from your exBFs point of view - as you clearly can as well - I guess it might just be a bit too much for him to get his head around.

But this must be a huge headfuck for you - to have your life turned upside down like this and not really understand what happened. It's a huge violation for someone to give you something that you didn't consent to. Please, please prioritise being kind to yourself and get some professional counselling. If you're right and you were spiked, you're a victim in this and you need to recover from it. I guess that's made harder by the fact that you don't actually know 100% for sure what you're a victim of.

But know that you're not alone and that you're worth a lot so look after yourself.

I only have ex BF's version of events it's true. Wanting out, plausible, I doubt it though as earlier in night, we were very affectionate with each other and he told me he loved me for the first time, it was a sweet moment, though I do put more stock in it when said sober, it was still a great thing to hear, we had been getting on very well up to then. How well do we really know someone after 6 months? I know a lot more than I usually would, he's a big talker, very much an open book, but it is the first time we've ever been out drinking together. He doesn't drink normally, but had had about as much as I. How much do I want to investigate this, or should I just let it lie? Probably healthier to just move on from it.

Do you know any of the other people there? Is there anyone in your group you have a feeling about?

I don't think you'll find out if you push, but as I said above, I do think these things tend to come out over time. Either something similar will happen to someone else or someone will fall out with someone and tell their spiking secrets etc...

In the mean time try and move on.

I believe you, Op!! I had a very similar experience of blacking out and behaving very out of character on New Years- except I was apparently convinced that my dp had cheated and was going absolutely nuts about it. Screaming “you cheated” and hitting him in the chest. Even his friends had to ask him if he’d cheated- he never has but my ex did! I’ve never hit anyone before and I was the type to get hammered every weekend.

I do remember stupidly leaving my drink on the bar while handing my dp his pint (we were in a small local club). A man who had been standing by the bar had been pushing me over before this and acting oddly, clearly under the influence of something. After that drink, I don’t remember anything. I’m going to be far more careful next time.

Anyway, I just wanted to offer you my sympathy because I know how horrifying it is to wake up the next day and be told what you’ve done. It makes your stomach turn so much you feel like vomiting. I just hope you work things out and don’t be too hard on yourself.

can include lowered inhibitions, loss of balance, visual problems, confusion, nausea, vomiting and unconsciousness.
It can reduce bodily sensations, prompting a floating feeling which can render you immobile - an experience which is sometimes referred to as "entering a k-hole".
It can also provoke hallucinations, panic attacks and memory loss.
can adversely affect someone's rational though processes and short-term memory capabilities.
produce feelings of euphoria, reduce inhibitions and provoke sleepiness.

Regardless of whether you were spiked or not, I think your ex BF is within his rights to end the relationship due to your inappropriate and disrespectful behaviour, as well as snogging his colleague.
FWIW I have had my drink spiked, many years ago, and I was zonked out, couldn’t even sit up, couldn’t walk

I'd get tested

Pointless now. It happened last Tues night. It's now Monday. If the drink was spiked itll be well out the OPs system now

I'd met 2 people before, didn't know anyone else. The only feeling was a man stood against a pillar stating at me, BF went to the bar to get others a drink, I suddenly felt scared amongst a lot of strangers who'd entered the place as was a ticket event that opens up to the public after midnight, so there was a general influx of people at that point, then everything is a total blank.

'staring'

It is scary OP. You could have been spiked, or you could have just reacted badly/differently to alcohol. Either way, don’t beat yourself up, it does not make you a bad person. Ignore people saying you need to look at your drinking, you know your limits and know something was off. As horrendous as it is you do have to be alert that there are an awful lot of cunts in this world who would spike your drink. Stay safe OP, it is not your fault.