Would it be crazy to contact this date?

[ShakeIt678]

On Friday I went on a date with someone I had spoken with once on the phone. The call was great and he text afterwards to ask if we could meet on the Friday, I said yes and we arranged to go to a national park for a walk round and grab a coffee.

We meet and I was instantly attracted to him. This NEVER happens to me, ever. I've been dating for years regularly.

We had a good time, he suggested going for food after we had walked round the gardens. I agreed. He paid, was very polite generally and offered to drive me home as I had taken a taxi to the national park.

I text him when I got home and said I had a good time, he replied saying he had too. I then suggested another date, to which he said he didn't feel this was something he wanted to take forwards as he didn't think there was a spark for him.

It has left me quite confused and knocked my confidence. I keep going over what I said, or wondering if he thought my photos didn't look like me. But then obviously he was the one suggesting dinner after the park, not me. So then I have been over thinking what I said during dinner to put him off. I was really nervous by dinner (unheard of for me on a date!!) because I liked him and I know I said some unusual things that came across probably defensively and maybe even arrogant...I do think these were the reasons he had second thoughts. I don't want to out myself but I made a political joke (I would never usually do this!) and I think he took it seriously, for example. We also started talking about relationships and I said I never get too interested in anyone (true but unnecessary to say). I also said I nearly cancelled the date because I was going to do some DIY before I went back to work on Monday. I meant this a bit tongue in cheek but he took it at face value. I feel like a total idiot. I am never usually like this ever on a date, it was like some really nervous, shy person took over by the time we went for dinner and I kept putting my foot in it.

Part of me wants to message him today and try and explain but I am also aware that would be crazy?! Wouldn't it? He's constantly watching my Instagram stories (I know this is a very immature way of second guessing someone's behaviours, but I wonder why if he has said he's not interested in another date?!). we are both mid thirties and professionals and I feel like I've become a 15 year old again with the analysis I am doing.

Chalk it up to bad experience or contact him? I have dated for years so I am reluctant to let it slide but then if he's made his mind up then he has I guess?

It's okay to like someone and be disappointed they don't like you back.

Don't try to work out what you did wrong. I'm sure the answer is nothing.

If I had to guess what was going on I'd say he was dating other women and that he did like you but he liked someone else more and is following up with them.

At least now you know there are nice men out there!

He’s not interested and he’s told you so. I get that it’s upsetting that your feeling not reciprocated but there’s nothing you can do. Leave it. Anything else is going to appear stalky and weird.

I think you should text him. You obviously really like him. Go for it !

Life is short.

Good luck if you do

Don't message him. Just don't. It would be humiliating and ridiculous.

If I had to guess what was going on I'd say he was dating other women and that he did like you but he liked someone else more and is following up with them.

I agree, and it's better that he was honest with you rather than stringing you along as some sort of emergency backup date if things didn't work out with whomever else he's met.

OLD is hard. I met quite a few right chancers and oddballs but I also met my lovely DH that way. As PP said, at least you know that there are good men out there looking for someone too.

I might well send him a saucy text if I were you, but I'm pretty bold that way. Good luck with it all.

Haha missconduct I’m usually like that too and I’m not sure I could feel worse than I do already so part of me wants to just text! The thing is, it wouldn’t be how it should be, if we met after me messaging again I would always feel I had forced it.

I’m 35 in summer and feel like my time is up really. It feels shit.

There was a very similar thread the latent day - turned out when she did decide message that he was actually married

*the other day

Why are you finding his explanation so hard to believe? He told you there was no spark yet you have convinced yourself that it had to be something you said.
Its SO disappointing when you think you have met someone that ticks all the boxes AND you are attracted to. It doesn't happen often and when it does, and doesn't work out its so much harder to take.
However, you are attracted to the idea of him. He did give mixed signals a little bit, and watching your insta is also odd as he knows you will know. These things alone would tell me that potentially you've had a lucky escape.
Someone else better will come along.

Your time isn't up, don't be absurd

It’s absolutely the idea of him, I agree!

Just feeling fed up really as online dating is so draining! Think I’m going to take a break for a while.

I think he’s been honest with you and you need to respect that. It’s a shame when someone doesn’t feel the same back, but at least he didn’t ghost you!

Move on and meet someone great!

The same has happened to me, it hurts but you just have to chalk it up to experience

I know how it feels!! I've been there many times. I used to get my hopes up over guys I hadn't even met. They would tick all the boxes on paper, i would fancy them (from their photos) and their chat would be great. Then we would arrange and date and they would cancel and disappear. I would be SO disappointed which sounds daft when we had never met.
With OLD, you have to trawl through so many idiots that its hard not to get carried away when someone decent comes along.
For the record, despite the MANY disappointments i've had, I'm not dating someone lovely.
Take a break for a while then get back into it when you feel like you're ready.

I’d message him! I’d just say you liked his company and if he fancies a drink or dinner - no pressure - then to get in touch. I don’t think you’ll lose self respect over that tbh.

*now dating someone lovely!

Please do not msg him, he’s been upfront and said he doesn’t fancy you, you will look desperate asking him, don’t make yourself look a right twat, it’s embarrassing.

Don't message him he's already said he doesn't want to take things further.

Yes there was a similar thread to this in the last week where the op really liked the guy more than usual.

She was waiting to hear from him then contacted him herself and he said he didn’t want another date and actually that he was still living with his wife!

@ShakeIt678

I’m 35 in summer and feel like my time is up really. It feels shit.

I was 37 when I met DH on match. Now happily married for 22 years with two great kids, one in uni and the other starting uni this fall. It can happen.

The thing is, it wouldn’t be how it should be, if we met after me messaging again I would always feel I had forced it.

I asked DH out after seeing his profile on match. He said sure, we went out for dinner. Then we went back to his place and had sex. Told you I was bold.

My point in relaying this rather tawdry story is that it was all mutual and it didn't matter who asked who out. We got married about a year later.

She who dares wins.

OP I've been in your position a few times over my OLD career.

You had one date, unfortunately he doesn't owe you anything. If he says he doesn't 'feel a spark' it's unlikely that anything you say will change his mind

Focus on finding someone who fancies you and who you really like back.

You've only had a phone chat and one date so your mind has worked overtime to make up for his flaws & blow his value up in your eyes

If he doesn't see your good points, he's not what you want. I know it's disappointing. Just take the lesson and keep going. He's not the only man out there, take heart in the fact that you liked someone, even briefly... but he's not the one for you

Don’t message him.

I think he’s behaved perfectly well. It was nice of him to give you a lift, he was generous in paying for dinner, and he hasn’t led you on at all. He’s not messing with your head, or trying to manipulate you.

Sounds like he found you perfectly pleasant but the spark just wasn’t there.

I wouldn’t read too much into the Instagram thing either. I follow a lot of people and scroll through stories regularly without paying too much attention to who has posted them.

I think you can limit who sees your stories, if you’d prefer that?

If he's the only person you've ever felt this way about after ages of online dating, all it means is that now the shoe is on the other foot. All those men you didn't click with, probably felt like you do now. People aren't obliged to reciprocate feelings.
You were probably both peckish and were having a nice day, so why would he not suggest dinner.
He's probably nosy, or your stories lead on from others he's been watching.
None of it means anything really. Avoid jokes about politics in future! At least he ruled out compatibility early on, though (politics mean a lot to me as well).

Block on insta

Hmm. I think I'd say what miniloso says, if I messaged at all, and I probably would to make sure I have absolutely no regrets. But first I'd get back on old and chat to a couple of others so the rejection, if it comes, stings less.