Can you be friends with someone you love?

[sheryl77]

Hi all, long story but I was casually dating a guy for about 8 months and we 'split' a couple of times because we cant be together (the detail isn't significant), however, we last saw each other two weeks ago. We discussed having a relationship, however, because of distance and other life circumstances we agreed to be friends.

It's very hard because the last time we met, he said he had feelings for me. I didn't respond as I didn't want to open myself up to him and felt vulnerable to share, however, I told him on the phone afterwards, I felt the same.

We agreed to 'let go' of each other, albeit we never really 'had each other' and we 'speak' every few days as opposed to most of the day as we have been doing since last April.

I've been trying to minimise contact, however, New Years Day morning, he sent me a text to wish me the best for the year ahead. I didn't respond for a few hours and he then called me so we spoke. Im trying to be really positive with him and just happy but deep down he's the guy I can never be with.

Yesterday he sent me a music mix with songs saying 'He can see the love in my eyes, is it real' and 'You are the one that slipped away'. I was touched, but cried.

Am I reading too much into things? I don't call my friends only family on New Years Day. I also wouldn't send someone a 'deep romantic soul' mix the next day. I don't know how to respond. Maybe he sent it to many people and didn't mean the sentiment? We used to share music often.

I cant block him on WhatsApp or on Facebook as I feel bad as I still want him in my life, its just frustrating. He likes my FB posts and I know he looks at my profile.

Can you be friends with someone you love? Can you spend time with someone knowing that it will probably never be?

I just don't know what to do or think. Is he just being friendly or is there more to it?

Yes but say that to get rid of him, not to make him jealous. Time to get busy, he'll soon be yesterday's news for you.

You really need to take a break from men and work on yourself.

@winterisstillcoming -If he doesn't have feelings for me, unlikely he will be jealous, but he's acted that way in the past. Yes, time to get busy! Absolutely. No time for him.

@aroundtheworldyet Totally agree. Totally. Taking up too much of my head space and emotionally not in the best place to let anyone in again.

You keep saying he's your friend. You're wrong. Bin him off and move on. He doesn't give a shit about you and your feelings.

Concentrate on yourself. Your own life. Your kid
Work on yourself. Be happy in your own skin. Don’t seek validation through men.
then you will be ok to date

@BrigidSt I am starting to realise this is true. No he doesn't care about me or my feelings. Hard pill to swallow for someone that I've fallen for. Very hard.

@aroundtheworldyet Agree. Has to be about me now. Myself and my son. Have to accept the reality and move on.

I've just heard have to go to Miami for a three day trip next week for work so be good to get a break! Some reflection time for me.

Oh go to Versailles for great Cuban food!!
It was a bit strange but worth it for proper Cuban atmosphere!

Op you both sound like your 'addicted' to this behaviour/drama! Like a drug! I bet you get a rush when you hear from him.
You don't want to block him as you won't know when he is trying to contact you. But you need to block him.
You don't need to show him you are out and about on social media as that means you are still thinking about him. Block him!
You deserve better.
Good to hear you are going to get counselling.

Always the same advice, always the same new you by the end of the thread. But you never block, you never put your foot down, and nothing actually changes. What's different this time, OP?

You've done enough reflecting. You're old enough to know better. He's moving away for work, made it clear he has zero commitments to keep him nearer, not even his own kid, absolutely not you. You were shagging for a bit, now you're not. It's already over. He's only being 'friendly' to keep the shagging available. All the while you've lost your marbles over him. All these words of yours, over someone who you're not in a relationship with. Give it a rest.

It's not a hard pill to swallow, don't be so dramatic. It'll wear off.

@readitandwept I agree. What can I say? I fell in love with him and cannot control what I feel unfortunately.

@BrigidSt I know its 'over'. I meant time to reflect on my life, my future and myself. Sorry that wasn't clear.

He's indicated he just wants to be friends now. As other people have pointed out, he is not a friend though, is he.

I cannot help what I feel :-(

Well no, not while you won't take control of the situation. So... see you here in another two months, or what?

@Cuddling57 - We've been in touch everyday since last April so its hard not to have that companionship in my life.

As I said, I cannot help what I feel.

@BrigidSt -I am not being dramatic. I thought he genuinely like me and I fell in love. How is that dramatic? Anyway. I came on here (yes once again for support). Yes, Ive been stupid and yes I need to block him. I will. Now.

I've blocked him. End of this drama as one poster said. What can I say? I cannot help how I feel.

He indicated he felt something and I fell for it..again, I was in a vulnerable position and I just wanted a connection with someone. I wanted more, he didn't. End of this story now. I won't post again, don't worry.

Don’t beat yourself up for going round and round in circles.

@aroundtheworldyet - I cant help it. I am really hurt.

OP
I'm reading your post and thinking about something I was gonna do yesterday
I was gonna tell this man I've been on and off with since September 2018 that I love him.
Well tbh we've never had a relationship but let's just say he's been part of my life in good and sometimes one sided ways.
So yesterday I text him to say I need to talk to him.
He came back saying how he wouldn't be available till after 10pm. And that maybe today would be better. So I said yes today is fine.
It's now 2113 and I haven't had a cl text or acknowledgement that we arranged to talk today.
Now I've been thinking about him today and thinking about the way he has been so hot and then so cold with me the last year and a half. And you know what I am one million times worth more than he can make me feel.
So not taking away your feelings and emotions and how you are dealing with your situation but I would say BLOCK HIM
I too will be blocking my man today if I don't hear from him by 2359. I'm sick of being treated like crap and I'm sure you are too

Sat here crying because I loved someone who didn't give a shit about me. Someone I will have to see again and hear about from my brother. Someone I still have to work with. If it was a stranger, it would be different.

I know you’re hurt and it’s ok to go round and round about it. Only you will know when you’re finally done. And at least you are reaching out for help.
It’s hard when you’re in your situation. And some people don’t understand how hard it is to get out.
You came out of an abusive relationship and it’s not unusual for someone to end up like this.
I’ve been where you are only worse!