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Original poster

Suicidal ex - what to do

86 replies

MiamiBeach104 · 02/01/2020 23:27

I have broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years a couple of months ago. It came as a shock to him as I just picked up my stuff and left.

Long story forward he tells me that he doesn't want to live anymore, he has had enough, his life is worthless, he has nothing to live for. I did leave him in a bad position but he can sort it out if only he wanted to. I keep on offering to arrange professional help but he doesn't agree to go ahead. He has seen a psychiatrist and got prescribed antidepressants (he's been using it for a while but I'm not sure he's on them now).

In the past when his work wasn't going great and he was drunk he would usually start crying and telling that he hates his life, he's had enough, he's never asked for this life etc.

He has been emotionally abusive in the past, that's one of the main reasons I left him. I had 3 hard years supporting him and then found out he used some escort girls. So I just kept on digging my hole deeper instead of facing him and dealing with the issue. I thought I was helping him and us by doing it.

I suspect there is an element of him.being manipulative but what if not? What if he's really thinking of it?

Last time while drunk he texted me he has had enough and wants to end it I called police. They said he seemed fine. The texts stopped for a while. If he would text something like this I would call police asap.

I got myself a flat. And met up few times and we decided to work things out. When I said I ea t to get back to the flat he got angry and told me I have to choose between the flat and him.

I need some advice.

I called some helpline and told a couple of his friends. He has no family as such. Distanced himself from them.

OP posts:
SpringFan · 02/01/2020 23:32

H

BobbyBlueCat · 02/01/2020 23:32

You don't need any advice.

You just need to block his number. Block him on social media. Don't answer phone to unknown numbers for a while.
Stop feeding the drama by responding.
He's not your problem.

pog100 · 02/01/2020 23:33

He isn't your responsibility. Any time he makes a credible threat, tell the police and ignore.

IdiotInDisguise · 02/01/2020 23:35

It is a difficult one, but I think you have done as much as you can. You have tried to get him to get help, you have contacted his friends, and yes it may be manipulative if it may not, but I would say that whether it is or not you have done your bit already by trying to keep him away of those thoughts during the times you were together. It is now up to him.

RLEOM · 02/01/2020 23:36

I would contact one of his family members to tell them he feels suicidal and to keep an eye on him. I'd then consider blocking him and moving forward.

IncrediblySadToo · 02/01/2020 23:37

Most of the time it’s just manipulative, attention seeking, controlling behaviour

If it’s not, you can’t stop him forever and it’s not your responsibility to do so

Just be calm, ask him where he is so you can inform the police of his intentions.

Don’t let him manipulate you back into a relationship with him.

BBOA · 02/01/2020 23:40

You can contact your local authority and the adult social care team and they can take his details and look into it if he's got severe mental health issues, if he's saying he's suicidal. Then leave it with them and walk away.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 02/01/2020 23:44

Block him.

MargeSimpsonswig · 02/01/2020 23:54

This is a classic tactic used by emotional abusers. You have already said he was abusive in the relationship and he is doing this to maintain his power and control over you. Please read up on narcissistic abuse and ring the national domestic helpline. You would be surprised how commen this is.

He's not your responsibility to fix and you need to block him on every platform. It is part of his hoover campaign to get you back.

Then enrol in the freedom programme so you don't find yourself with another abusive man again.

sugarisbitter · 03/01/2020 00:15

What you have said is the new domestic abuse. The amount of women I have spoken to that have told the same story is unreal.
My ex dp has done the same thing, if they were going to kill themselves they would of done it. My ex went as far as a few cut marks, I spoke to his ex and found out he did the same to her for years.
I actually had a customer tell me that her Dh has been seeing escorts, spent a heap of money, got one pregnant but if she lives he will kill himself.
If we were ever that important they wouldn't act the way they do and they would get help for their issues.
Check out histrionics.
I realised ex dp had this, they cut off people to isolate themselves to play victim.
Stop talking to him leave him in the past

NotStayingIn · 03/01/2020 00:23

You need to cut all contact. He is an ex and not a particularly pleasant one at that. No need to remain in touch.

Also don’t kid yourself that by sticking around ‘helping’ him you are actually helping him. Chances are you remaining in touch with him is doing more harm then good. You both need a clean break to move on.

RUSU92 · 03/01/2020 00:27

He has been emotionally abusive in the past

He's still being emotionally abusive. Not your circus, not your monkeys. You don't have any responsibility for him, and when the police were involved he was clearly able to drop the faux suicide threats and perk up.

Please don't let him continue to manipulate you. The likelihood of him actually going through with it is vanishingly small, and if he ever actually did do anything stupid, it would be the ultimate act of manipulation as he has refused offers of professional support and prefers instead to put it all on you.

Fightingmycorner2019 · 03/01/2020 00:32

It’s awful but he is NOT your responsibility
You are NOT responsible for him
Just remember that . Even if he does do
Something , it’s not your fault
He is the only person who can manage his poor MH . Not his ex partner

Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2020 00:34

He is manipulating you to keep you under his control. Can't you see that? Block him and never look back.

Damnloginpopup · 03/01/2020 06:04

Ignore. Block. Forget.

Original poster
MiamiBeach104 · 03/01/2020 14:04

I'm just conscious that what if he he did something stupid. And I didn't do all I could stop stop him from it.

Of course he's adult and I'm not responsible for him but I find it hard to get over it ..

OP posts:
category12 · 03/01/2020 14:20

You find it hard to get over because you never stopped contact and ended up being dragged back in. If you'd ended contact completely when you split up months ago, you'd be out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) by now.

He cheated on you with prostitutes. He's emotionally abusive. He's still emotionally abusive.

Dump his arse and cut contact, block him everywhere. If he makes suicide threats, inform the authorities as you did before.

Stop going round and round in circles with him.

IdiotInDisguise · 03/01/2020 14:25

If he is going to do something stupid he will do it for this or something else. Frankly, you can’t put yourself and your kids through the sheer misery of having someone threatening suicide on you the whole time.

Once you are living apart, call his family and ask them to keep an eye on him as you are no longer in the position to do it. And also make sure that access to his kids is supervised while he is threatening suicide, he wouldn’t be the first of many to hurt the kids before hurting himself.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/01/2020 14:35

Bluntly... open your eyes, close your heart.

He knows what he is doing and you are falling for it.

Block him. Stop worrying over his emotional blackmail. He is fucking with your head because you let him

Stop letting him!

Hopefully posting here will help you see his actions more clearly. Help you work out how to stop your good nature being manipulated by him.

LasthingIlldo · 03/01/2020 14:44

Let his family and the professionals support him.
Your his ex now and it's better for everyones mental health to have a clean break so just let him go wish him well (if you want to) he was abusive and using escorts/cheating on you, for that reason he doesn't deserve another second of your time or attention.
Let him go

LasthingIlldo · 03/01/2020 14:45

*you're his ex now

champagneandfromage50 · 03/01/2020 14:49

Sadly there is nothing you can do. If you get involved you have opened the door to him again. I would suggest if your worried you let his GP know and his family of what he is sharing with you and then block him. Its not unusual for abusive men to start on the 'I want to kill myself' line to make you anxious and worried.

Original poster
MiamiBeach104 · 03/01/2020 17:02

A lot of what you are saying makes sense. So for the last couple of years he wasn't working. He had very stressful job and he did need a break but I didn't expect it to last this long. Of course I've always contributed to the bills and tried paying when going out. I thought it's fair give. He's not working. It's not that I earn a lot but enough to make the living out of it (he used to earn twice as much as I do).

So he ended up abusing me and telling me that I'm in it for free ride. I was very hurt and make sure I calculated everything and transfered him half (it was pretty good looking amount).

We broke up and I've got my own flat (renting). He said the only way for us to get back together is if I get rid of the flat. That means he wants me to keep on paying him and contributing to the bills. If he really loves me he could have said that fine, keep the flat , we'll work something out. Not just giving ultimatums to chose between him or the flat

OP posts:
Original poster
MiamiBeach104 · 03/01/2020 17:04

When I look back at 5yrs with him I see that he has used his manipulative nature to get his way quite few times..

What's done is done. I just hope that out of all of this I'll learn my lesson

OP posts:
Butterflyflower1234 · 03/01/2020 17:09

@MiamiBeach104 You're clearly a good person but your ex isn't your responsibility. Are you able to reach out to his family/friends and explain you are concerned for his safety?

This would be the only thing I suggest you do. Otherwise you must cut all ties with him. I sadly know how it feels when someone threatens suicide, my ex did this to me and I know it was only to try and make me stay.

Be strong and if he does decide to complete suicide it will only his choice.