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Original poster

Suicidal ex - what to do

86 replies

MiamiBeach104 · 02/01/2020 23:27

I have broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years a couple of months ago. It came as a shock to him as I just picked up my stuff and left.

Long story forward he tells me that he doesn't want to live anymore, he has had enough, his life is worthless, he has nothing to live for. I did leave him in a bad position but he can sort it out if only he wanted to. I keep on offering to arrange professional help but he doesn't agree to go ahead. He has seen a psychiatrist and got prescribed antidepressants (he's been using it for a while but I'm not sure he's on them now).

In the past when his work wasn't going great and he was drunk he would usually start crying and telling that he hates his life, he's had enough, he's never asked for this life etc.

He has been emotionally abusive in the past, that's one of the main reasons I left him. I had 3 hard years supporting him and then found out he used some escort girls. So I just kept on digging my hole deeper instead of facing him and dealing with the issue. I thought I was helping him and us by doing it.

I suspect there is an element of him.being manipulative but what if not? What if he's really thinking of it?

Last time while drunk he texted me he has had enough and wants to end it I called police. They said he seemed fine. The texts stopped for a while. If he would text something like this I would call police asap.

I got myself a flat. And met up few times and we decided to work things out. When I said I ea t to get back to the flat he got angry and told me I have to choose between the flat and him.

I need some advice.

I called some helpline and told a couple of his friends. He has no family as such. Distanced himself from them.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 06/01/2020 18:38

Block his number for God's sake!

Contact his family - tell them the relationship is over, you don't need an update, you just thought they should know he says he's suicidal. Wonder why he's distanced himself from his family then?

Worse case scenario and he does do something it still won't be you fault! It will be his choice.

This man sounds horrendous. He is self pitying and self medicating instead of going for help and using you as a scapegoat/ sticking plaster for his life. It will not get any better.

My sil's abusive ex killed himself when she finally found the strength to end their toxic relationship. He left their 3 year old child and a long rambling note blaming her for every fuck up in his life. She eventually realised it wasn't her fault - he was an aggressive and violent bully with an aggressive and violent dad - and she has gone on, twenty plus years, to have a very happy life. Which you can do too if you break the spell he's got you under.

He used escorts and is bargaining with you over your flat and independence. That is not normal. Get out and keep running! Don't look back.

CodenameVillanelle · 06/01/2020 18:45

Fuck sake love you need to BLOCK him and now. Call the police first and say he's sent you suicidal messages then block the fuck out of every single method he has to contact you.
Your life starts now. Without him in it.

BrigidSt · 06/01/2020 18:46

Call the police. Block him everywhere. Are you still giving him money?
Even if he does kill himself he's a piece of shit for manipulating you like this. It's not your fault, not you responsibility. Leave him to it. He is abusing you.

Original poster
MiamiBeach104 · 06/01/2020 19:02

Just called the police and ambulance. While I was on the phone he texted me saying that he will call police on me if I contact him again. I told that's what I was texted by him but they decided to send the services anyway as it is a genuine concern.

OP posts:
FantasticButtocks · 06/01/2020 19:09

Right, you've done what you need to do by calling ambulance and police. NOW is the time to block him on everything, phone, email, social media. And just step away!

Fightingmycorner2019 · 06/01/2020 19:40

It’s such textbook abuser behaviour
Awful awful awful
OP
Please call police and women’s aid tonight
Even Samaritans

This assumes you not with someone holding your hand . Which isn’t always feasible on a
Monday

I am very worried for you

Fightingmycorner2019 · 06/01/2020 19:41

See . Textbook
Flowers

Suicidal ex - what to do
SandyY2K · 06/01/2020 19:55

Why are you refusing to block this manipulator.

He's nasty.
Block him and get on with your life.

BrigidSt · 06/01/2020 20:34

Well done. Block block block now. Protect yourself from his words. If he turns up at your flat after this ring the police. Stay safe.

Original poster
MiamiBeach104 · 06/01/2020 23:28

So officer called back saying that he didn't look like he was under any threat of hurting himself.

That pic of the rope just terrified me. I'm not just concerned i'm disgusted.

He ended up blocking me from everything. Tbh, what has happened yesterday is he just drank himself to Oblivion and wasn't thinking straight today .

I'm so glad I didn't go.

I am on my own in pretty crap flat but I feel happy not having to be afraid of him getting drunk and being emotionally abusive towards me yet again.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 06/01/2020 23:33

That pic of the rope just terrified me.

That's what he wanted. As well as manipulating you back into a relationship with him.

Even though he's blocked you...you block him too, so you don't get a suprise message in a few weeks time.

PickAChew · 06/01/2020 23:36

My ex kept threatening suicide. He has since remarried, abused another woman and been divorced again. AFAIK, he's still alive, 18 years after he last got to threaten to kill himself in front of me.

Chunkers · 06/01/2020 23:53

I'm so glad I didn't go

Whatever you do, NEVER be tempted to go to him or open the door to him if he turns up.

Please stay safe, he is not your responsibility.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 07/01/2020 04:56

Please block him back. If not all that will happen is that he will give it some time, and then in block you and reel you back in.
Want to be doing this all over again in 6 weeks time?

Coughy4u · 07/01/2020 05:22

If he kills himself thats on him and his decision. You arent his mother. Block him.

Gingernaut · 07/01/2020 05:37

Block him.

Block him everywhere.

He could unblock you and start the abuse again.

He's your ex. Clearly, for a very good reason.

He's an emotionally abusive, self pitying, attention seeking arse.

justilou1 · 07/01/2020 05:42

Send a text that you do not wish to have any further contact from him ever again. Advise that if you hear or see from him you will consider this harassment and will contact the police every time. Block and follow through with your threats if he visits your flat. (Advise friends, family and work.)

Mummaofmytribe · 07/01/2020 05:49

Block on everything. I had seven horrible years in my youth married to an abuser who threatened suicide every time I tried to leave. He made me believe I would be responsible for his death.
When he threatened one of the LOs, I packed them up and walked out when he was at work.
He threatened. He admitted himself to a psych ward. They discharged him in five days because the psychiatrist saw through him.
23 years later the old bastard is still alive and kicking.
It's unconscionably cruel to make suicide threats as a form of control. One of the worst types of abuse.
Block him right now.
And you know what, even if he does try something it will NEVER be your fault or responsibility.
Get yourself free.

Luckystar777 · 07/01/2020 06:51

Keep him blocked on everything for good.

One of my very abusive exes threatened suicide several times. Split 3 years ago. Guess what? She is still alive and actually doing better than me now. It's all just threats to control us. And even if he went ahead and done it, it is never your fault, it's on him, ok? It's all on him, he is his own responsibility.

AraGrand · 07/01/2020 07:12

Oh he's really mad at you isn't he!? Let him off. Not your circus.
Just block the prick. Don't wait for him to unblock you and continue to blackmail you into returning to the twisted fuck.

BrigidSt · 07/01/2020 08:40

Still do block him too, he will unblock you next time he's pissed to abuse you. What he is doing to you is harrassment, it's illegal, you call the police next time he tries to contact you. Write it all down. As pp said do not ever open the door to him if he turns up.

Original poster
MiamiBeach104 · 07/01/2020 14:23

I'm thinking maybe it is worth contacting his brother. It's been more than 15 years they are not in touch but I think I should be doing at least something about all this. Apart from telling a couple of his friends I haven't told this to anyone yet.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 07/01/2020 14:58

Have you blocked him yet?

Walkacrossthesand · 07/01/2020 15:39

No need to do anything more, miami - you're still acting as if you're involved. He's told you he'll call the police on you if you contact him again. That's it, done. You're out of it, messaging his brother is just feeding the drama. Close the door, walk away.

LasthingIlldo · 07/01/2020 17:42

If your ex wanted to contact his brother he'd do it himself. No need for you to get yourself tangled up in estranged family relationships.
Just leave your ex to figure out his own life and how to support his own mental health like an adult like we all do for ourselves.
But tbh the thought of sending a rope as a photo before committing suicide is extremely cruel, traumatising even, this person gives not one shit about your feelings to send such a message.

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