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Original poster

Choosing to be single - feels such a relief!

100 replies

SirChing · 02/01/2020 19:01

After a couple of years on and off of online dating, which has resulted in far more frogs than princes, I have made the decision to come off OLD and be single for 2020.

I can't believe how relieved and excited I feel at just focusing on my DD, my health (have fibromyalgia) and sorting out my home which needs a thorough redecorating.

I didn't realise how much mental energy was being taken by OLD. If someone comes along in life who turns out to be lovely then that's great, but I have cancelled my memberships of OLD and all I feel is relief.

Has anyone else made this choice?

OP posts:
Neverlovedya · 02/01/2020 19:14

Good for you. Glad you feel better, I made the choice after a string of liars, cheats, time wasters and abusers. It frees you of so much mental energy and you realise just how good it is to have that time to focus on you and do whatever it is you want to do.

I'm actually quite hesitant about dating again because I love my freedom and independence so much.
Enjoy it 💐💐

JacquesHammer · 02/01/2020 19:15

Not quite the same as I made the choice to be single during a marriage split so have never dated.

It’s made me happier than pretty much any decision I’ve made in my life.

Original poster
SirChing · 02/01/2020 19:20

Thanks for the positive messages. I truly didn't realise how much mental energy it was taking up!

I am really excited about the year ahead. Just doing what I want to do. Life feels open to so many more possibilities now.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/01/2020 19:24

I have chosen to be single since I became a single parent nearly 6 years ago. Had a FWB for a while but I can't even be bothered with that any more.

I love being single. No regrets at all.

Original poster
SirChing · 02/01/2020 19:34

I can see me being single for the foreseeable future to be honest. I don't even miss sex that much, because the few blokes I have slept with since my marriage ended have mostly been crap in bed.

The one who wasn't turned out to be an alcoholic who was horrible to my DD when he met her......so he was kicked into touch sharpish.

Since then, there has been a guy who turned out to be a gambling addict, and a guy who decided to tell me he didn't fancy me AFTER sleeping with me (a real prince amongst men!).

I just don't see the point of being with someone who doesn't add more joy to my life than they take.

OP posts:
Flairhead · 02/01/2020 19:38

Well not quite the same, but I decided to come off OLD. The guys were mostly creepy anyway and while the few dates I did go on were fine, I found myself feeling a bit awkward and like there was some kind of pressure for it to go well. The guys themselves were nice enough, just no spark there.

I've decided I'd much rather meet someone in real life. I'm working on a lot of insecurities at the moment so maybe being single for a bit isn't a bad idea, but we'll see how it goes.

lanbro · 02/01/2020 19:40

I've had one date since my marriage ended over 2 years ago, was rubbish, went on Bumble, also rubbish, and decided I just cba and an actually very happy on my own! It's a social pressure to be partnered up, I think a lot of people, women in particular, are actually happier being single

TwentyViginti · 02/01/2020 19:41

a guy who decided to tell me he didn't fancy me AFTER sleeping with me

Well, he had to make quite sure Grin

TwentyViginti · 02/01/2020 19:45

I think a lot of people, women in particular, are actually happier being single

Studies show single women and married men are the happiest. No surprises there Grin

Original poster
SirChing · 02/01/2020 19:45

Well, he had to make quite sure

GrinGrinGrin

His embarrassment over his erectile dysfunction was nothing to do with it, honest guv!

OP posts:
Elizaeliza · 02/01/2020 19:47

My marriage ended over a year ago and I am very content being single, not had any dates and don’t really want to. I have quite a low opinion of men after my own experience and observing friends marriages and relationships.
I can support myself and I love not having to consider anyone else when making plans. Not missing sex....yet

Original poster
SirChing · 02/01/2020 19:50

I will be more than happy to meet someone lovely who truly adds to mine (and eventually my DDs) life, but I am SO bored of meeting men who are mysogynists or have sexual issues, or addiction issues or whatever.

Unless a bloke is at least as nice as my exH, then what's the point? He was lovely but we just grew apart, so I know there are good blokes out there. Sadly, they don't seem to be forthcoming on OLD.

OP posts:
Original poster
SirChing · 02/01/2020 19:53

@Elizaeliza I miss GOOD sex, but not the dross that the last two blokes thought passed as an acceptable standard. My vibrator has more imagination. Even without batteries!

OP posts:
Neverlovedya · 02/01/2020 21:09

It really is a social pressure to be coupled up/married. I have seen 3 men on social media the last few days gushing about how they have never been happier. I think a lot of men like to be taken care of, but I do understand why a lot of women are happier single.

Neverlovedya · 02/01/2020 21:10

I want to remain financially independent and cope well by myself without depending on a man for anything.

Original poster
SirChing · 02/01/2020 21:13

That's how I am starting to feel @Neverlovedya

OP posts:
Neverlovedya · 02/01/2020 21:14

I hope you have a wonderful and fulfilling year.

Original poster
SirChing · 02/01/2020 21:18

Oh that's so kind. Thank you. I hope you Do too Wine

OP posts:
Neverlovedya · 02/01/2020 21:21

Thanks :) 💐

JesusMaryAndJosepheen · 02/01/2020 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

passthebucky · 02/01/2020 21:26

I chose to be single in September, was in a relationship for 8 years and we have to two kids together. I love it, best thing I ever did.

Sally2791 · 02/01/2020 21:33

I seem to find men think I’m missing out/lonely and many women are envious. I’ve never felt better! Wouldn’t rule out a relationship in future, but it would have to be damn good to beat being single

JesusMaryAndJosepheen · 02/01/2020 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MustardScreams · 02/01/2020 21:54

I chose to be single after dd’s father cheated on me when I was 38 weeks pregnant and was subsequently absolutely fucking horrific to me in the months after her birth. I was very hormonal and just wanted a ‘family’ so put up with endless amounts of abuse. I finally saw the light when dd was 11 months thanks to MN.

I have never been happier and more secure. Everything I have and have done in the last 3 years is completely off my own back, and knowing that has boosted my confidence and love for myself no end.

I’m not against meeting someone. But it HAS to be on my terms, and I will never, ever live with a man again. My home is dd and I’s sanctuary and that’s how it stays.

Original poster
SirChing · 02/01/2020 22:06

I am so pleased by these stories of you all finding your own happiness and confidence. I have just been booking a holiday for next year and it's great that I don't have to consider anyone other than DD about where we go.

I can do my house exactly how I want. And not have a bloke leaving his shite everywhere. I can't believe how excited I am Grin

It would be great if one day I met a like minded bloke who also wanted his own space and to paddle his own canoe in life, but until then, I am so much happier like this.

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