Choosing to be single - feels such a relief!

[SirChing]

After a couple of years on and off of online dating, which has resulted in far more frogs than princes, I have made the decision to come off OLD and be single for 2020.

I can't believe how relieved and excited I feel at just focusing on my DD, my health (have fibromyalgia) and sorting out my home which needs a thorough redecorating.

I didn't realise how much mental energy was being taken by OLD. If someone comes along in life who turns out to be lovely then that's great, but I have cancelled my memberships of OLD and all I feel is relief.

Has anyone else made this choice?

@JesusMaryAndJosepheen

Aw, good on you! I have just booked another holiday so that's them sorted for this year.

Next step is decluttering my house so I can get it exactly how I want it. And considering I have the aesthetic taste of a Hobbit, not many other people would like the look I will be going for. Don't care, because it's MINE! Bwahahahahaha!!!

The idea of not shaving my legs for ages is pretty blissful too

I haven't shaved my legs since autumn started. Doubt I'll do them again until they make a public reappearance in spring.

Hahahahaha I would look like Chewbaccas more hirsuit sister if I did that, Wax

Yes, me. Whenever I think about dipping my toe back in OLD I then remember all the bollocks/time/effort that comes with it and I just can’t be bothered. Too busy with my own life!

Ooh great post! I have fibromyalgia too and some other joint issues. I just need a relationship before Christmas because of various things that weren’t right about him but one of the reasons I needed to be single was because I don’t have the physical or mental energy to focus on a relationship as well as on my health, job, home and not least of all my kids.
He was lovely in many ways and could make a difference when he wanted to butbit became increasingly clear that his priority is his life and his needs being met first and foremost. my support needs would never get a look in. Of course since we split he’s suddenly showing an interest but I’ve revealed so much bullshit.
I really want to stay single now but I do have a high sex drive and am still very much missing out epic sex life
I know I can sort myself out quickly and effectively but it doesn’t replace real physical connection and I’m really not in the market for ons...
Still waiting for menopause to take away my libido but it’s stronger than ever!

@outherealone I feel your pain with both needing your own energy for you AND the high sex drive part. But honestly, so many men out there are just really bad in bed, that I would rather not bother than put up with that.

I have been spoiled by my alcoholic ex who was amazing in bed. But given that most blokes aren't, I think I would rather put up with the frustration to be honest 😂

@sirching you made me laugh. Tbf I have had a LOT of shit sex until the most recent ex.
But the things he’s said at the end almost kinda spoils the memories of the good times. I know he’s just trying to hurt me for dumping him but it’s impacting massively on my confidence. And he seemed to have a high EQ. Of course I’ve discovered he’s yet another Peter Pan type.
Maybe i need to teach my vagina that eventually they all turn out to be not worth the effort...

@outherealone Oh no, don't let him ruin your confidence. If you weren't great, he wouldn't be pissed off about you dumping him. And you know a spurned Peter Pan will be full of shit - just like a pissed off chimp flinging its shit in impotent rage!

At least you know you have made the right choice now that he is behaving like a knob. I think we need to teach our vaginas that the problem with sex, is that there is more often than not a larger cock on the end of the one the vagina gets

Hahahahaha! Chimp rage analogy is a good one! He kindly informed me he’s going to exorcise me by going on a #shagfest to help fill the empty hole I’ve left in his heart.
Don’t think it’s his heart hole he’s going to fill.
Think what pissed me off that is prior to me, all his gfs/flings were young, average ten years younger than me and all superfit, either childfree or bounced back without the body I have which is raddled by disability and weight gain from medication.
He’d convinced me that all those young one were just a distraction and ego boost after a miserable marriage to serial cheat.
I truly believed he found me sexy and attractive despite my Middle Aged spread, and of course found out he’s still very much in touch with all these young flings and I know he’ll easily find his way back there dur to his lifestyle, I think part of my confidence issue now is knowing he’ll be back ‘gilling his hole’ and comparing their bodies to mine.
It also makes me distrustful of men generally, I don’t think reading posts on here helps, plus every friend who’s been cheated on has been cheated on with a much younger woman!
Stupid I know, but definitely makes me not a good contender for anybody else right now!

Its not stupid at all @outtherealone.

I have come to the conclusion though, that most men prefer women who are "real" and have something to say for themselves. I was talking to my exH about this after being shagged by a bloke who decided he didn't feel a spark....after shagging me!

I was convinced it was because of my CSection overhang. I sat my ex down and asked him to tell me honestly if it impacted on my sex appeal. I knew he would tell me the truth about it. He said it categorically doesn't make a difference to a women's sexiness if she is a bit (or a lot) wobbly.

The other men I have shagged since my divorce thought I was sex in legs despite me resembling a moomin with tits. Only really shallow blokes go for younger women with supposedly "perfect" bodies.

So I am choosing to view my wobbly bits as inbuilt bastard detectors. Imagine if we did have perfect bodies....we might not utter shallow fuckers some men are until we are far too far involved.

Your ex sounds like a total twat. A twat who was good in bed, but a twat nonetheless. If he hadn't found you sexy and wanted you, he wouldn't have been pissed off that you ditched him. He is being a shitty bastard by now saying stuff that he knows will tap into your insecurities. So, you have dodged a giant, man shaped bullet!!!

oh and my weight gain has been medication related too.....and not just self medicating with chocolate. Pregabilin and gabapentin made me out on loads. And the mirena coil too! Bastard things!

Sheesh, sorry for the typos!

Oooh @outherealone not @outtherealone. Whoops!

Just woke up! Love the typos! Yes pregabalin here too and amitrypitillin (terrible spelling thereof but it’s late)
I also have huge overhang/ gunt.
My most hated feature, maybe I focus on it too much,
When I was healthy and able to run I could achieve an almost flat tummy. My body changes is one of my biggest resentments with this illness as well as the pain and fatigue!
Right back to sleep (that’s another issue)
Hope you sleep too.

I've been single for 25 years, actively looking for a partner for the last 10. I'm recently realising, from looking at the male 'pool' of my age, that the partnership I hope to find (mutual love, respect, enjoyment, companionship) probably doesn't exist, so I'd be better off accepting singledom till the day I die. It's a bit sad, as I still think a good partnership is the best - but there we are.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you've said, I'm choosing to be single and I've stopped doing OLD. I got fed up of being lied to by married/attached men looking for ONS or trying to turn me into OW.

I'm going to focus on my health and my career.

@Walkacrossthesand it is a bit sad, but not as sad as being with someone you have settled for who treats you badly and doesn't enhance your life!

@NurseButtercup I feel the same about lots of men who use OLD. I know there are some good ones on there - my ex husband for example, but most are dire.

Ooh yes, if anyone wants a lovely, tall, dark, fairly handsome, kind and solvent 43 year old from West
Yorkshire, there is one here looking for a new woman

I make that decision every time I look on online dating xD. Just had my first look there in about a year and I'm like 'nope' haha.

I just can't work up the energy tbh. I used to attract narcissists and now the thought of dating again just makes me feel a bit sick.

Actually happy enough single too. Just get those moments of 'why can't I have that?' when I see loved up couples.

No more romcoms for me!

@Pinkbonbon I know what you mean about loved up couples, but you don't know if one of them will turn out to be an enormous idiot.

I think that if we are meant to be with someone, they will find their way into our lives somehow.

I've been separated for 14 months after a long marriage. I'm 54 and I've had 3 kids.
I'm happier and more relaxed than I've been in years. I just cant be bothered with all the crap a relationship brings. I'm happy just looking after me. Maybe I will think differently eventually but for now I'm very content.

@Zerrin13 I am glad that you're happy and content. I hope 2020 continues in the same vein for you and yours

@Pinkbonbon I seem to attract narcissistic types, in friendships too, parents are the same, I’m obviously attracted to them, really need to break the cycle. Maybe abstinence will help

@outherealone Me too! Lots and lots of addicts too. I think being nice and understanding means that they see people such people as weak and ripe for exploitation. Then are shocked when they discover that we do have boundaries.

People can be whomever they choose online, can't they? I think they think "this time it will be different" and try to present an image of themselves online which they then can't maintain in person. It's quite chilling really. Especially if they are doing it deliberately to lure us in. Ugh!

People can be whomever they choose online, can't they? I think they think "this time it will be different" and try to present an image of themselves online which they then can't maintain in person. It's quite chilling really. Especially if they are doing it deliberately to lure us in. Ugh!

This is so so scarily true & accurate...

I'm shuddering as I recall the "reveals" when their mask slips and they show their true personalities. Why have they not figured out their certain aspects of tgeir behaviour is u.n.a.c.c.e.p.t.a.b.l.e...