Negging ?

[Aja838]

Been on 3 dates with a guy. He's been quite gentlemanly so far, and we had our first kiss on the 3rd date.
However I got some drunken text in the middle of the night saying "I just wanna be so nasty with you right now, but you're far too nice."

Very taken aback, what do others think ? Feels like negging to me, does it sound like he just wants one thing ?

Doesnt seem like negging - more like manipulation (prove to be you're not far too "nice" by sexting/shagging me .... Or drunken, no filter, sleazy trying it on.

I think you're spot on about it not being a sign he's looking for anything "serious"/a relationship.

Disappointing if you were looking for relationship and thought he seemed nice, there was a potential relationship etc.

*prove to me

Also agree with the pp about "nasty£,:why does good sex have to be nasty.

Nasty doesn't sound great for the woman, sounds a bit porn-y.

Sorry I have no idea how that £ sign snuck in there.

Negging is when someone says you are re3pretty for a woman your age, or pretty face, shame about the body, that's Negging, it's awful and there are some really nasty people out there, so yiu may be right that after 3 dates his real mask is reveling itself, set good boundaries in place, tell him you don't do sexting if you are not comfortable with it.

@JoanBonJovi - I’m with you on this one.

Great post rededucator. Perhaps OP could also add that she is spending the evening fixing metal spikes to her strap on. And cant wait to see him.

I would find a message like that completely repellent. I don’t want to be with someone who thinks of sex as necessarily ‘nasty’. Ugh.

I think it IS negging. By telling you you’re ‘too nice’ he’s saying you’re not quite his cup of tea but if you’re willing to change who you are for him then he may deign to allow you to suck his cock while he throttles you or whatever (ok I’m unsure of the logistics of that move, but that kind of nonsense anyway).

I wouldn’t respond, I’d just block personally.

I would not respond at all and probably wait and see what his next move was.
If he is embarrassed and apologises for drunken text then I’d probably give him another chance but of course you should always listen to your gut.

It doesn’t matter whether or not he’s been drinking, he’s showing you who he really is.

Bin him.

Yeah that makes sense. I'm just finding it a bit cringy tbh !

Absolutely....

I also smell a Madonna/whore complex

Ick o' clock all round

Block him- he's had a few drinks and taken it a bit too far by going from ( or trying to) a couple of dates level to the next level... but doing doing it very badly.

Deffo worth chopping him over. I guess if you like him like that its ok though to reciprocate.

Also a bit of filthy sex talk is fun. Don’t be do moral and boring

Sex talk is fine, "nasty" is not.

Nothing against sex talk but ‘nasty’? It means harmful or unpleasant - and if that is how he sees sex, I would not be getting involved. Maybe he meant naughty, giving him the benefit of the doubt, but still ... he has basically said he wants to do something harmful and unpleasant with you, so I hope he wakes up today and feels somewhat embarrassed.

I would just wind up the relationship, there are hints of you being sexually incompatible before it's even got started. One thing I'm learning as I age is to spot the red flags early to save lots of time and heartache.

Leave him to get 'nasty' with someone else...

If you really like him and also really like doing disgustingly perverted sex stuff - then go for it

Me? I'd prefer a nice cup of tea

However I wouldn't be able to resist texting him the most depraved and disgusting sex suggestions and then leave him hanging - and then block

He's a manipulator and I wouldn't want him near me

SoTiredTonight and P999 thank you. Some men want filth and bum fun and being treated like a cheap whore until it's them that's the 'bitch'. You want violation and degradation? Excellent, bend over and let's have some humiliation fun. Oh you didn't mean THAT? You just wanted to make the woman feel like nothing but a useless hole? Bye bye. And the sad thing is many men would be SHOCKED to hear such a comparison. It's just so engrained that the women ate the one to be treated like trash.

• think all woman get turned on by being treated like a cheap whore (I added 'all' there as some ladies do like a bit of domination and if that's safe and consensual then go for it)

I've found that men on OLD like to try their luck with the odd sex pest suggestion.

I've often asked what they'd think if a man who hardly knew their adult daughter said something similar to her.

Apparently 'that's different'

I’d say bin him.

Or, ignore the message and see if he mentions it.
If he does, I’d say ‘ewwww, so you meant it, thought you were drunk or something, sorry, but no’ . Then bin him.

I think it's just a clumsy way of saying he wants to fuck you, I wouldn't read too much into the word 'nasty'.

When I was OLD I used to find a bit of sexting was a way of testing out sexual compatibility and quite helpful, I was only ever looking for something casual though.

I laughed at myself because my first response to this would have been "Oh God: he's massively into Anal." The trouble with this sort of thing is, if he's dumb and tone deaf enough to go from best date behaviour to porn-speak, what are the odds he's going to be any good in bed?

Hi OP, did you hear from him?

Whether he was being a bit gross or not, the point is you weren't comfortable.

You're only 3 dates in so no real loss if you decide he's not right for you.