Suicidal DC *trigger warning* - CAHMS and housing issues

[Furyhouse1984]

It’s late and I am at the end of my tether.

My teenage dc has had several suicide attempts this year. CAHMS have completely failed them and outright refused to help them and the housing team refuse to support even though we have submitted multiple letters to request support as the housing mess is a leading factor in her current crisis.

I’m at my wits end end and don’t know what to do, can’t just up and move for several reasons so in a terrible terrible situation all round.

AIBU expecting a system that I have paid into always to support my family when there is a serious threat to life? Keeping DC safe is hard enough but living with someone in this state is frightening especially when all the organisations are actively working against you and just refuse to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. CAHMS in-house hospital team were shocked when I explained how badly let down dc has been but still nobody outside the hospital gives a damn in the slightest!

Dc is barely a teenager but feels so hopeless and so let down by everyone as do I.

School hasn’t been an option due to poor mental state so there’s that too.

I am utterly exhausted of battling for support, and dealing with people who just don’t give a shit, instead do the bare minimum required to get their state pensions. The mistakes have been endless and there is no accountability or transparency whatsoever and the arse covering is just depressing. We are talking about an extremely vulnerable young person, so forgive me if I sound angry because I am.

That sounds concerning

Assumed lives with you... what’s the housing issue?

Should say assume dd lives with you

Sharing but due to MH issues it sets off ‘episodes’ and there is then self endangerment and of course the impact on everyone else.

It’s been hell and I don’t see any light

Might I add ended up in housing mess due to DV but that’s a whole other thread

Sorry you're going through all this.

Would a charity like Young Minds be able to give you support/advice?

AIBU expecting a system that I have paid into always to support my family when there is a serious threat to life?

Unfortunately with the tories in power, yes yabu.

Unfortunately with the tories in power, yes yabu

Oh fuck off with turning this into a political dig, how does that help op?

Op have you taken her to see her gp for referrals? Have you been for yourself and told them how this is affecting you?

Does dd have an EHCP? If not, applying for one may bring extra support. She is not at school? Join the Not Fine in School Facebook page for support and guidance.

Yes, cahms are useless. I have an 11 year old self harmer, support is impossible. She won’t engage with cahms, so they don’t really care.

Can you call MHAS (Mental Health Assessment Service) our of hours at your Hospital?
Can you call The Samaritans ?
Crisis Line ?
Parent Line?

Is your Daughter on a waiting list for Camhs treatment or has she been picked up for treatment and has a case holder ?
If on the waiting list do they have telephone consultancy for you to phone into ?
Does she have a smart phone? Calm Harm is a good app for young people.

Can you access counselling locally for help around her issues, are they to do with the DV ? Have you accessed for counselling for you ?
Although not able to access to school, is there any help or support they can offer in an outreach way ?
Do you have any advocacy services that can help you navigate what you are entitled to via health and education ?

Sorry you are going through this and hope 2020 is a more positive year for both you & your Daughter.

BE ANGRY. I would be in your situation. Let the anger simmer down then let's start fighting. I should say, I have tried to commit suicide three times. I took two lethal overdoses.

What is IMPERATIVE is that you work out your daughters triggers you mention DV?

Is her F in contact? Can you percieve a pattern?

What, if anything, are the Courts doing?

116 123 Samaritans
Young Minds - Parents helpline 0808 802 5544 or email [email protected]
Papyrus 0800 068 41 41 HOPElineuk
Text 07786 209697 [email protected]
MIND
Sane/Saneline 0300 304 7000
Apps: Stay Alive

Good luck! X

CAHMS have failed my dd15 too. Living a similar experience to you OP sending love to you. I've had more help from children and family welfare regarding her behaviour . Can CAHMS refer her to them?

Has your DC been given details of your local crisis team? That's the service I am given to contact out if hours.

My options on crisis plan is always:

GP (mine are so supportive & will see me in a crisis)
Crisis Team: phone number for outside GP hours
A&E: for times crisis team aren't appropriate.

I'm so sorry you've been let down by CAMHS - we're lucky to have a good centre for CAMHS very near us & my son was supported when younger.

Really wishing you luck with this!!

Just wrote and essay and my phone died!

I have tried all avenues including her primary school which involved CAHMS. Instead of help her the wrote in big red capital letters on her file that I had MH issues - I don’t so I’m note sure if I was being shamed or discredited. Either way the head teachers and the woman at CAHMS have a lot to answer for as it affected entry to her secondary school all which has contributed to this situation.

The housing team are another issue through as they refuse to process her paperwork delay and stall whenever they can and refuse to acknowledge complaints as it blocks access to the ombudsman.

Tories? This has nothing to do with the Torys this is a majority Labour borough and these are all local issues so this if anyone’s responsibility fall squarely with on Labour (I’m liberal before anyone’s gets into a debate) my MP has been useless and blocked my email at one point (I have had a few letters from them now as they have to do be seen to be doing something) however they have no say over the maladministration in the councils various departments.

If they had been following legislation and their own process I would have no argument however they are actively blocking all support for whatever reason and it’s like we are actively been disempowered.

Her dad and his family are part of the problem so again no support their. There was a non mop order at one point and supervised contact. There are drug alcohol and DV issues to and to make matters even more unbelievable the grandmother works with vulnerable young adults. She had been abusive since I’ve known her and the amount of alcohol she drinks I’m surprised she can actually get to work, but it’s just in my mind anyway further proof of how ‘corrupt’ the services where we live are and I just don’t know what to do anymore beyond actively starting to advocate for change for my daughter and so many people who seem to be in this situation.

My dc told me there where ten other children on her was ward so similar issues. In the space of a week. What is going on?! I know exactly what my dcs issues are and housing and DV and school are hers.

I went to complete a homeless for her upon advice as she is legally homeless and there is also a legal duty to act but this has also been ignored. What I saw in the housing office was truly terrifying. The way the were staff treatIng some of the people was disgusting, one of the staff members tried to speak to me in the same way and I explained to him that escalating the situation and antagonising people who tried to access support wasn’t just unhelpful it’s counterproductive but he didn’t really get it. I despair I really do.

I have had to disclose such personal and private details to people who use it as entertainment - well that’s the impression I get. I’ve never been in a situation like this in my life and have not a shred of dignity left whoever I don’t really care at this point as I have to do everything I can to get my dc safe.

I feel like there is a vendetta against me having complained and challenged the departments refusal to follow process and actual legislation. Whenever there is the standard ‘your complaints isn’t upheld’ it’s another process this is even when the facts are wrong. This is making me beyond stressed out and I am struggling to deal with dc effectively as a result. Living with someone with severe MH issues is very hard especially when all
The services are completely unfit for their purposes and I have no energy left today as she keeps me awake until late wandering around our home in the dark.

I also have a pretty severe disability (I work full time which one some days can be horrific) so was allocated a random social worker (pointless exercise as I am struggling to understand what this person can actually do) and they failed to turn up for every appointment. I flagged this with them and the response I got may have been be about someone else. The basic facts were completely incorrect. This is social care We are talking about not the local post office and it’s not that they are overstretched and underfunded they don’t do their jobs properly and don’t care when they fail the people they are supposed to be looking after!!

I know the ‘system is broken’, but this feels insidious, wrong and dangerous and I just can’t keep fighting against it.

What is an EHCP?

so what housing are you needing op? does she need to move out?

she's currently living with you but classed as homeless? where would be best for her?

If sharing a bedroom is an issue for your daughter can you do any rejigging in your current home, eg you share with your other child(ren) or a sofa bed in living room for you so your dd doesn’t need to share? Not ideal and something you might already be doing or considered, but as a temp solution

We’ve done that already but similar results as she needs a place to go when she gets into a state.

There had been violence she has witness from neighbours so it’s very much due to her environment but the housing office refuse to process any of the evidence we have provided over the years. She is homeless by law but that is also ignored too. Whatever I say falls on deaf ears and she has been overlooked and refused support. I just don’t understand why nobody wants to help her even when it’s their job.

What else can I do but despair. It’s the I fairness which is so upsetting.

Every time I make a complaint it’s rejected and I am told to get a solicitor except of course any refusal to acknowledge or progress a complaint is against policy and to force me to get a solicitor seems very odd.

Surely the fact they are refusing to support a suicidal teenager should be a priority? Even after third party advisors have issues statements requesting that she be helped? Or am I being unreasonable in thinking that?

Look around to see if your area has drop in sessions for young people's mental health. My ds has been waiting nearly 3 years to see a psychologist at the hospital, he has chronic anxiety & depression as well as autism. We got assigned a MAST worker who suggested that ds tried the drop in service, he goes every week & was assigned a regular worker who is a youth worker, he has been every week, she thought he would need extra help so got him 12 weekly sessions from a mental health worker & after Chrismas he starts weekly group therapy sessions. This has helped him a lot being able to talk his worries over with someone not connected with school or home, his anxiety & depression has improved no end. Your first step is to contact your local MAST team & self refer or school can refer you to them.

Sometimes you get better results by working with the system rather than against it. An EHCP is what used to be called a statement. A severely mentally ill child absolutely ought to have one.

I dont really understand what you mean about "legally homeless". Can you explain?

Nat - I have tried requesting multi service approach, it was rejected until her last attempt. I even called social services in desperation to help but was told no sorry doesn’t fit the criteria. This is why I am at my wits end as I just get told to go to a and e.
She has been in counselling for 3 years after about the same time being on a waiting list. Taken off twice from the list for no reason and I really had a very difficult time getting a bother place. The counsellors in school are decent at least but that’s not enough to keep her safe.

Funny little

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/rules/legally_homeless

I have been trying to ‘work with the system‘ for over 5 years, hence my anger and frustration. May I ask do you work for a local council, as I have followed their process to a tee but they would refuse to comply forcing to me to complain which then results in a backlash so if you had any constructive advice as to how to make them do what they are supposed to do I would be very happy to hear it. One of the complaints response was so factually incorrect at first it appeared to be about someone else entirely so I really am not sure what you are trying to say.

I have tried to get a statement for her since primary school actually but as the services refuse to help this has been a little difficult as I have tried to explain so again not sure what I am doing wrong in not working with the system.

How old is she OP?

How old is your teenager? If she's a child living with her parent then I dont see how she can be legally homeless? I would suggest reaching out to local youth or mental health charities in your area and supporting her to find a place she can go when she wants to talk or needs a safe space. If you work FT could you pay for counselling given the severity of where she is at? I would continue to escalate with the school and see what support they suggest. They can refer to social work teams If they feel it will help