Suicidal DC *trigger warning* - CAHMS and housing issues

[Furyhouse1984]

It’s late and I am at the end of my tether.

My teenage dc has had several suicide attempts this year. CAHMS have completely failed them and outright refused to help them and the housing team refuse to support even though we have submitted multiple letters to request support as the housing mess is a leading factor in her current crisis.

I’m at my wits end end and don’t know what to do, can’t just up and move for several reasons so in a terrible terrible situation all round.

AIBU expecting a system that I have paid into always to support my family when there is a serious threat to life? Keeping DC safe is hard enough but living with someone in this state is frightening especially when all the organisations are actively working against you and just refuse to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. CAHMS in-house hospital team were shocked when I explained how badly let down dc has been but still nobody outside the hospital gives a damn in the slightest!

Dc is barely a teenager but feels so hopeless and so let down by everyone as do I.

School hasn’t been an option due to poor mental state so there’s that too.

I am utterly exhausted of battling for support, and dealing with people who just don’t give a shit, instead do the bare minimum required to get their state pensions. The mistakes have been endless and there is no accountability or transparency whatsoever and the arse covering is just depressing. We are talking about an extremely vulnerable young person, so forgive me if I sound angry because I am.

This all sounds very familiar. Support is non existent for teens. My guess is that they are dragging it all out because she will soon be 18.
My DS has now tried to harm more times than I care to say. Last time was Saturday. No support at all. He was diagnosed autistic age 8 and had ok support from Cahms until he turned 16 then everyone withdrew and he saw no one for 18 months and now he's 18 we are in a massive black hole.
No crisis team. 111 say go A&E. A&E say go GP then it's back on lists for counselling etc but before we get the he makes another attempt and we go round and round again.

I'm guessing she is classed as homeless because she resides in a home where dv was seen which is causing a pats kind of mental health issue. Unfortunately if the accommodation is adequate the council won't help. Can you find a swap or private rent? That may be the best way out at the moment

OP, I have read all your posts twice over, and I still can't ascertain what it is you're asking for, apart from an additional bedroom. Lots of what you say contradicts itself your DD is legally homeless but is only 17. She's in secondary school, she said in primary school. No one is helping you. But helping you to do what?
Because of all this confusion, you do sound like you're rambling and being unreasonable, which will not help your case.
How old are your children? How many people live in your house? How many bedrooms do you have? Could you not find private accommodation with enough bedrooms? What do you want CAMHS to do about your DD? Why are you describing her as homeless?
We can't support you with appropriate advice unless we have clear understanding of these things.

If she is homeless and living at home with you, it is unlikely she will be given her own tenancy straight from home. And actually would it be appropriate if her mental health is that bad?? Alternatively she could present as homeless with the council saying you have asked her to leave, in which case she would be housed immediately and may access her own tenancy quicker, but chances are she would be put in a B and B, hostel or if available offered a supported flat but again would possibly be sharing.
Not sure why none of these options have been offered or discussed with the council??

Sorry to hear about this. Her college or sixth form’s special needs coordinator definitely ought to know, and I’d lock away medicines and sharps/put safety catches on windows if this is something you can afford to do and if you haven’t already done this. Also ensure she doesn’t have hoodies/belts/dressing gowns in her room, a lot of people overlook these kinds of things.

Someone always has to get political on these sorts of threads too, that never helps matters and truth be told I think the NHS is failing people with mental health problems/autism so badly that the thought of another left wing government throwing money at a corrupt and crumbling organisation with no independent investigatory board is one to worry about.

I really do hope things look up for all of you at some point, though.

What exactly is it that you want? That the whole family is rehoused elsewhere on the basis of your daughters mental health, or she is offered her own tenancy, at 17, elsewhere?

When does she turn 18? Would she get recognised differently at 18 as being homeless?

I’m a little confused as to why she is homeless is she is 17 and with her parents.

But perhaps once she is actually an adult she will be prioritised and housed separately from you due to her mental health issues. Would this actually help though or do you feel she needs to continue living with you?

Being 18 wouldn’t make any difference in terms of housing- she has somewhere to live. There are thousands of people at 18 living at home and can’t all be given a council house simply because they don’t want to live at home anymore. Even though it is done on a points system and she may get extra points because of mental health, there are many other people claiming exactly the same thing. Only way to speed things up is to present as homeless, but will only work if unintentionally homeless is if can show staying in family home no longer sustainable/ been asked to leave.

@Soontobe60
I agree, I’m no clearer on what the aim is. OP is ranting and coming across as paranoid; every single dept, person is deliberately out to hinder her and her family. If this is how she presents to any of these people/agencies then I’m not surprised nothing is progressing.

Wow @soontobe60 and JKscot but anyway.

These departments are all connected unfortunately so if one person is challenged on something of takes umbrage for whatever reason you’re f*cked. I suppose you’ve never had to deal with a local authority on these matters so I don’t blame you for not understanding how the system works.

JKscot, that’s just a nasty slant and entirely unnecessary so really, if that’s what your on the thread for, AIBU is next door. I’m not paranoid in the slightest in fact of of the MP as again I have stated told her in no uncertain terms people who complain get branded as ‘troublemakers’, this is a quote directly from her. Two MPs have written to them asking why the situation hasn’t been addressed.

I have followed all complaints procedures which are never upheld, the responses usually from the Council contain factual inaccuracies.

As I have stated one more than one occasion if the council had followed their own processes then I would have no issue with any of it but rehousing is a process so for me to follow their process and for them to not is unacceptable.

And just to be clear this situation has been ongoing for five years and m sorry to say yes my daughter and family have been entirely failed by services set up for purposes. Their failures and attitudes are entirely beyond my control and this particular council is know for service failures.

What I would like to see happen:

Proper and FAIR assessment of housing needs.
Antisocial behaviour addressed - tenants who are in breach of their tenancies should be held accountability not one rule for one another for someone else - this impacts everyone’s MH
Adequate support for my daughters MH
Transparency from the council as you why there has been so many delays
Written apology for failures and wrongdoing - documented and verified mistakes have been made.
Explanation and full investigation as to why there hasn’t been a proper assessment on anything.

Was she under a section? From section 3 there is a right to s.117 support - LA and CCG to provide this after assessing. Maybe contact the CCG?

Noeuf

I am really not sure, I will look into it though as she feels completely unsupported bar a handful of professionals so it’s become ‘traumatic’ for everyone I suppose.

The frustrating thing really is she fulfils all legal criteria for rehousing which is not being accepted or acknowledged without a fight - just to get the support she is dare I say it entitled to. It doesn’t make much sense to me so unless I am missing something vital here, the system isn’t fair and doesn’t work properly as evidenced by my situation. Maybe for some it’s great, but in my experience it’s quite the opposite.

I have been through this with 17 yo DS.

He has very poor myh is/was violent, attempted suicides and self harm.
We had been involved with CAHMS and SS for 6 years and nothing was done to help him or us. It was beyond distressing for all of us.

In the end we had to get the police to remove him from the family home and we refused to accept him back.

He has been living in a young persons halfway house since November 2019 and although he hates it mentally he is doing so much better.
He has a key worker and they are supporting him to attend health appointments and learn how to manage his "home". The end result will be he is given a trainer flat for 6 months with support then his own place.
This is a charity which has been around for years in my city but I never knew it existed.
Is their anything similar in your area OP?

Pityparty

Thank you for sharing this, nobody can understand the distress unless it’s been directly experienced.

There may be a charity with a similar setup here, what is it called if I may ask?

As much as I hate to admit it, the situation is unbearable some days. I would say the lack of support compounds the helplessness I feel.

I have sent you a message with the details.

I had a thread back in November about my son and honestly the support from posters was amazing and I honestly dont think I would have made it through with out their constant support.

I completely understand your frustrations and distress.
I have younger DC and we were all negatively affected by DS.
He could not cope living with 5 other people. He struggles to manages his emotions let alone other peoples. He is lonely now but he sees us weekly and we are all enjoying a calmer relationship.

If you want to ask me anything feel free.

You work full time and may be able to get help from the council with deposit and rent. Why dont you go private? Thats what i would do if my daughter is suicidal by our home.

I don't understand how living in the same area is not triggering? Surely you would all want a fresh start? She might bump into neighbours in the neighbourhood, surely?

I would also give her the living room to turn into a bedroom or my bedroom instead.

I'm sorry but your posts sound like everyone is out to get you. I'd be interested to see what the other side of the story.

You haven't said who lives in the property and how many.. this is important.

Of course you are free to post to vent your fruatration and can answer and ignore what you like.. just the missing info is making me question the gaps in the story.

Good luck to you.

Coughy4u

I’m sorry I don’t understand your post?

Otherside of the story? The councils?

Possibly, there are ties to the area beyond my daughter.

That’s what the housing office Sadi funnily enough, until someone pointed out that this is completely impractical and impossible.

I don’t think anyone is ‘out to get me’ sigh - please actually rtft and try and not discredit me.

Not relevant - what is relevant is my daughters needs have been ignored and the process not followed.

Thanks for that....however what gaps exactly are you questioning, do you not believe what I’m saying? As I said I am finding it hard to understand what point you want to make with this post. Others have offered sound advice and I don’t want to derail from that but I feel I must correct your assumptions that I am maybe making this up?

OP, you've not actually answered my questions.
My point was that if I find your posts lacking in cohesion, and am unable to get a clear picture of what it is you want the professionals to do, then no doubt others will too.
Professionally, I attend many multi disciplinary meetings where the parent finds it difficult to articulate their concerns, and part of my role is to unpick those concerns to look at each one individually and help draw up a list of realistic outcomes with a clear plan of how those outcomes can be achieved. The key point is that everyone should agree that the outcomes are realistic and attainable within the constraints of whatever system /organisation is being utilised. From what I understand from your posts, this has not happened as far as you are concerned. What do you think the reasons for this are?

especially when all the organisations are actively working against you

I don’t think anyone is ‘out to get me’ sigh -

Sorry, OP, but these two statements contradict each other. In fairness, being frustrated at the lack of support from services may well feel like a personal vendetta or attack. That wouldn't surprise me and I may well feel the same way in your situation.

Out to get you and working against you are very different.

I was in the OPs position and I completely understand where she is coming from.

6 years of being in the system and it took me making my son homeless before the right help was given. 6 years of professionals meeting every month ticking boxes and nodding at us when we explained the violence we were subjected to. More nodding at the self harm which parenting classes for us would solve
More nodding at the police involvement.
Honestly I could go on and on but this is not my thread.

It is frustrating you are right about that and dealing with this starts to affect your own mental health.

Thank you @PityParty4one ! (Please by all means post away, the more these stories are shared, the stronger the case for change I suppose and in some way may be cathartic.) I appreciate very much you sharing your experience as it's hard to convey to anyone who has not gone / isgoing through the same thing.

Yes! They are unequivocally two separate things and some posters seem hell bent on trying to write a narrative to suit their own agenda.

I'm very sorry @Soontobe60 but if my posts are disparate and disjointed it's a direct reflection of dealing with disparate and disjointed 'multi party agencies'.

Labelling me as paranoid is just rude and is stigmatises mental health for those that do suffer. I am assuming the other posters was just bored and goady, as nothing positive was offered.

I don’t feel it a entirely personal attack, but I feel it’s also the culture to come degree.

I was very clear in a post as to the outcomes I wanted based on the council and other third party connected agencies refusal to follow process and a complete lack of communication between departments resulting in unlawful decisions - I had a verbal admission in fact today which is par for the course. Unfortunately not on the housing issue but another department ...of course directly linked to these matters. This is either gross incompetence or deliberate delays, either one is as bad as the other under the circumstances.

May I ask in your professional experience, is it truly so inconceivable that there have been errors and staff cutting corners and personalising situations because of their own issues? You've never seen politics at play at work? Please.

This sh*t affects families at grass roots levels and my case is just one. Yes, there are other families at risk but this is mine.

So again what do I want (this is not historical as we would be here forever and life is too short for that, it's not exhaustive either):

Full investigation into why my documents are never processed in a timely and correct manner.
Why are processes and policies not adhered to?
Why are complaints never upheld even after factual inaccuracies in correspondence are most times identified as the reason the complaints are not upheld- why do I need to fact check absolutely everything?
Why do I have to complain to get any traction?
Why am I denied access to services (i am entitled to) and drip fed information?
Why do staff personalise situations at work - isn't this supposed to be a professional environment?
Why is there an insistence that the one single framework this organisation has to implement so inflexible that when i doesn't work, facts are twisted to suit a particular agenda.
Full investigation into why there is differential treatment in terms of residents tenancy agreements.

Remedy

Fair assessment and prioritisation
MH support framework with defined objectives and outcomes
Written apology and admission of wrong doing and accountability
Explanation of how 'they'/ the council can and will do better
Staff training programmes on how to be civil
SLAs on responses adhered to / due diligence at the highest level

Why is this such a hard ask when there is an at risk child?

Nobody, I repeat nobody, wants to be in this situation, it’s not deliberate ffs, it’s an absolute last resort to have to be in a position to have to (fight) access these services!

Furyhouse- I have worked in youth homelessness. The sad reality is there are hundreds and hundreds of young people in the same position as your daughter. That’s the reality. And some of them in more need as they have come through the care system and really don’t have anywhere to turn. Have a look at the stats on how many vulnerable young people are in B and Bs. I think you are totally unrealistic as to what you think housing can do. I used to naively think my foster son would be priority when he left care as he had loads of issues- then I started working in youth homelessness and realised that he was just one of many and the system was trying its best but had to make harsh decisions.

And you see all you have written above about apologies and letters about how the council will do better- get real. Those of us working in the system barely have enough time or resources to deal with crisis and making sure that people are dealt with as best we can, and do not have time to be getting into lengthy debates with people who despise us. If you want to effect real change go and take it up with the politicans and ask them why we don’t have enough resources to help all who need it.

And also- I and several people told you what to do if you want your daughter rehoused- she needs to present as homeless and will be rehoused immediately. If you want the whole family rehoused- then you have to wait like everyone else.