Suicidal DC *trigger warning* - CAHMS and housing issues

[Furyhouse1984]

It’s late and I am at the end of my tether.

My teenage dc has had several suicide attempts this year. CAHMS have completely failed them and outright refused to help them and the housing team refuse to support even though we have submitted multiple letters to request support as the housing mess is a leading factor in her current crisis.

I’m at my wits end end and don’t know what to do, can’t just up and move for several reasons so in a terrible terrible situation all round.

AIBU expecting a system that I have paid into always to support my family when there is a serious threat to life? Keeping DC safe is hard enough but living with someone in this state is frightening especially when all the organisations are actively working against you and just refuse to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. CAHMS in-house hospital team were shocked when I explained how badly let down dc has been but still nobody outside the hospital gives a damn in the slightest!

Dc is barely a teenager but feels so hopeless and so let down by everyone as do I.

School hasn’t been an option due to poor mental state so there’s that too.

I am utterly exhausted of battling for support, and dealing with people who just don’t give a shit, instead do the bare minimum required to get their state pensions. The mistakes have been endless and there is no accountability or transparency whatsoever and the arse covering is just depressing. We are talking about an extremely vulnerable young person, so forgive me if I sound angry because I am.

I have worked in youth homelessness. The sad reality is there are hundreds and hundreds of young people in the same position as your daughter. That’s the reality. And some of them in more need as they have come through the care system and really don’t have anywhere to turn. Have a look at the stats on how many vulnerable young people are in B and Bs. I think you are totally unrealistic as to what you think housing can do.

I have to agree with that. I also used to work with Homeless families. At my interview I was told I'd have a client list of no more than 30, realistically more like 20-25. On my first day in the job I was given a spreadsheet with 61 clients on it. There were also the other 4 not on the list which I discovered entirely by accident. It was essentially firefighting, going from one crisis to another.

I take it you want the whole family rehousing as it doesn't sound like your dd could cope alone and certainly from what you've posted I wouldn't want to put her into a property on her own without a lot of support from multiple sources which it doesn't sound like she has. In the city in which I worked, we have a really limited number of larger properties most of which were in multi-stories so we had people waiting for a bigger property for 8-10 years, longer if they wanted specific areas.

I would go and see someone at Shelter in person, laying out all the information you have in as matter of fact way as possible. Bullet points would be great. Don't mention your feelings about your dd's grandmother or any other council staff member, just keep it about your housing situation. I'd then ask them to write a letter on your behalf. It might also be worth getting them to chase up the complaints. It's entirely possible they'd get a reply within the timeframe allowable.

Have CAHMS written to housing to say that your dd needs more space? Does your dd have a CPN who could accompany you and her to the housing office?

How many dc do you have/how big is your current property?

Rushing about so sparse reply but thank you Miss Marks for highlighting just how bad it is and that is my point.

In any case she presented as homeless three weeks ago and her application had been ignored!

My MP has written and so had a councillor as have several psychiatrists stating there is risk to life....nothing has been acknowledged. I of course acknowledge that there are other vulnerable children but mine is my priority so they be told I must think of others before my daughter is a little off when she is vulnerable and her needs ignored when several professional bodies have advocated for her. This is also my point why has she not even been assessed in the first instance.

I am ambivalent towards staff at the council but it would be helpful if they followed procedures.

In fact the MP has sent about 4 letters and the councillor more and they as far as I am aware have also been ignored. You can’t make this up and I feel like the council is politicised hence the issues.

Beyond this my daughter is the one who is being left without support, how is this acceptable.

It sounds complicated OP, perhaps too complicated for an MN forum. I don’t really know what to say, and second guessing no help. But I do understand and know from experience that councils and housing can be a complete nightmare. I know they don’t always follow procedures even in relation to their legal responsibilities. I hope things improve for you.

Yes, that has been my experience unfortunately, the departments appear to be a law unto themselves.

Would be nice if I could redirect the tax I pay to the council etc to fund my daughters education and healthcare how I choose - contentious comment but to be honest that’s how I feel about having practically no access to state support for her when she needs it most.

Anyway what’s the f*cking point anymore it’s a total joke and I’m pretty much at the end of what I can deal with anymore. I have been pushed from department to department and literally nobody seems to care or wants
to actually do their job and help her with what she most needs help with.

Tried the local branch of one of the biggest national charities specialising in family support but they just said sorry no capacity to help so honestly it’s either she does something drastic (terrifying thought) or we continue to suffer in silence and be continually shut down at every avenue. Council really couldn’t give a toss as many have pointed out (or I would have at least had a response at the very minimum bar telling to find a lawyer / resubmit lost paperwork) even though they are legally obligated in this instance to consider her case. I guess I’m stupidly holding out hope for someone there to actually do something positive / proactive instead of letting things continue as they are but I guess I just be entirely deluded in thinking that’s what will happen.

Hospitalisation at this point may be the best option as she becomes more despondent by the day as nothing is obviously improving and I don’t know what to do - can’t just move or I would have done that a very long time ago.

I guess it’s a matter of keeping her safe and ignoring the total meltdowns / taking her to a and e when they do become a risk and repeat the whole cycle again.

I think you should take your focus off the council situation and try and find other ways to help. Why is she suicidal ? Is she on any antiDs?

Yes on medication since being in hospital and whilst nobody believes me on this forum (and thinks I should pipe down) her psychiatrists have identified the housing situation as the biggest contributing factor in triggering episodes hence trying to get a proper assessment for her. and also why she has had so many supporting documents submitted to the council on her behalf but yes in the mean time I have been trying to find other ways to help her.

Why is she suicidal? She feels completely helpless at her situation, and whilst I don’t have a magic wand I can only request she is treated at a very minimum, fairly - which hasn’t and still isn’t Happening, and try and get her access to the services set up for these very situation if there is no other alternative.

Her hospital letter also clearly states if the housing situation doesn’t improve, something I can’t magically fix in the short term and this is time critical, for many reasons some unrelated to her, then she may have no choice but to end up back in hospital as a solution to the housing issue and as a preventative measure to any further attempts.

It’s a complete mess to be honest and the multi agency approach only works if the agencies are aligned, communicate and all have the same agendas and objectives. I mean this goes without saying.

I see, thanks for explaining. Can you see citizens advice bureaux or anyone else who might help or stay with relatives? X

No relatives sadly as that would be the normal thing to do. I haven’t tried citizens advice as I wasn’t sure if they would be able to do anything at this point but worth a go.

Social services have actually now engaged which has taken a while so we will see how that goes - it’s something at least.

She is still at risk and the reasons are DV however her environment is the trigger because she cannot cope with anything. Even saying hello results in a tirade as it wasn’t said in the right way.
Anyway no sleep again so probably making no sense.

Historical DV I meant to say

Sorry. - to hear your going through this. I had a similar situation last year and CAHMS was horrendous.
Does your local MP hold a surgery in your area? That could be one avenue, people usually start moving when they get a letter from parliament. Now what I suggest next might sound silly or might not work for you, have you thought about a pet they would really like? It’s not ideal if housing is a problem, but seriously I made the decision to get my daughter the pet ferret she wanted when she was in A and E for suicidal thoughts. Nothing else lifted her really bad depression. I was scared, just like you, and it was a last resort.

I just want to say try to hang in there, things can improve with time - my daughter is a different kid than she was last year and I really was preparing myself for the worst.

I wish you all the best.