Suicidal DC *trigger warning* - CAHMS and housing issues

[Furyhouse1984]

It’s late and I am at the end of my tether.

My teenage dc has had several suicide attempts this year. CAHMS have completely failed them and outright refused to help them and the housing team refuse to support even though we have submitted multiple letters to request support as the housing mess is a leading factor in her current crisis.

I’m at my wits end end and don’t know what to do, can’t just up and move for several reasons so in a terrible terrible situation all round.

AIBU expecting a system that I have paid into always to support my family when there is a serious threat to life? Keeping DC safe is hard enough but living with someone in this state is frightening especially when all the organisations are actively working against you and just refuse to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. CAHMS in-house hospital team were shocked when I explained how badly let down dc has been but still nobody outside the hospital gives a damn in the slightest!

Dc is barely a teenager but feels so hopeless and so let down by everyone as do I.

School hasn’t been an option due to poor mental state so there’s that too.

I am utterly exhausted of battling for support, and dealing with people who just don’t give a shit, instead do the bare minimum required to get their state pensions. The mistakes have been endless and there is no accountability or transparency whatsoever and the arse covering is just depressing. We are talking about an extremely vulnerable young person, so forgive me if I sound angry because I am.

What is the housing like in your area? Could you move to a different area. It's extremely hard to get housing no matter what situation you are in. How can your dc be classed as homeless and you not? I know there has been families in my area in b&b for a year before they got given a private rented flat. Are you polite when speaking to the housing? As they seem to listen more when you are polite.

Black cat, please have a look at the Shelter link.

She is 17 and is in counselling outside of of CAHMS as I said. She was referred and they closed her case again as I said.

She is suicidal so getting her to go to a safe place is not a wise idea as her being on her own is not sensible for obviously a reasons. Where we live there is not much support and when the main issue which can be resolved by the agencies who are supposed to be supporting with that very thing refuse to do so, it is pretty wrong.

I have explored all of the suggestions so far over the years of course and to be told to get a lawyer by the housing department because they refuse to help it’s a bit odd. They have admitted fault but still refuse to
‘Put things right’ in the meantime my daughter was hospitalised and refused to come home as she didn’t feel safe being off the ward.

So my question still is if the services which are in place to
Help and the purpose of them is to help in these situations what am I supposed to do. Just leave her to it and accept that one day she may actually end up killing herself if I can’t change things?
There is very limited access to these places and no mental health charities in my area with access.
School can’t do anything but have tried. And she has been in hospital on and off for awhile now. She feels hopeless as do I.

That again

Would gladly move to another area but that is not an immediate alternative or I would have done so. We have been on a list for 6 years as she has had MH for as long and yes I am polite, however I can’t say the same for the housing office. In my view anyone who ignores the needs of a child not even from a human perspective but from a failure to do their job perspective needs a work review. Accepting guidance from CAHMS shouldn’t be down to whether a housing officer thinks you’re being polite or not, that is an abuse of position is it not? I am also seen staff escalate situations unnecessarily which again is pretty shocking.

I’ve not read everything, but just wanted to say that refusing to acknowledge complaints does not block ombudsman access. My LA have done similar to me - which of course is interfering with due process. Contact the ombudsman and tell them that complaints are being blocked.

isitpossibleto

I will do that as I didn’t know that, thank you . The departments I have had to deal with havent followed any process so this does no t come as a shock. There are always excuses and cover ups and ‘missing paperwork’ please submit it again type conversations.

In that case its the hospitals responsibility to ensure that she has an appropriate package of care before they discharge her even if she is in and out. What has their plan been for community support on discharge? I appreciate it's awful when someone is suicidal. What I mean by safe space is that in my experience people are not actively suicidal 24/7 365 days a year so its about building appropriate networks when they are feeling up to it that they can access when they genuinely feel suicidal. Anyone feeling suicidal should be supported to go straight to A&E which I'm sure you're already supporting her to do. If shes still feeling suicidal whilst in hospital then push for her not to be discharged next time or as you say they are simply dumping her back out in the community whilst still at risk.

I have a couple of complaints currently with the ombudsman and both of them needed the ombudsman to intervene to get the LA to respond. My tips would be send complaint by email, copy in everyone from head of services down and refer to their complaints procedure that they have to have posted on their website. Title of email in bold capitals FORMAL COMPLAINT so they can't argue that they weren't aware it was a formal complaint. Then follow the complaints procedure. If it says you will receive an acknowledgement within five working days and you don't email again on the sixth day referring to the complaint you made and their complaints procedure. If you should get a stage one response within four weeks you email again the day after that deadline is gone referring again to your complaint and the complaints procedure and then at twelve weeks you send it to LGO even if you have had no response at all. My experience would be that it's probably best not to expect to receive a useful response from LA anyway as they are unlikely to issue one so be prepared for a long wait. My complaint went in February 1st, I had first response from LGO last week finding fault but have had to point out all the lies that our LA fed them so as to make it an accurate response.

EHCP is an education health and care plan designed to allow school to support your child. There is a social care element, which may help you with more services. You need to fight for this unfortunately. Try IPSEA or Sossen for legal help.

And pp is spot on. The local government ombudsman is really calling LAs to account. You need to exhaust your local council complaints procedures. There can be a element of financial compensation, but more tokenistic.

So is she legally homeless in your opinion because she doesn't like sharing a bedroom and the council don't accept that? Im just trying to see the link between her accommodation and her mental health? Is it possible that sharing a room doesn't cause her problems so changing that won't actually improve her health?

There can actually be a link between accommodation and MH. I know of a woman who was raped in her own bedroom, and could not stay in there, as it was effectively re-traumatising her every night.

Op you need to get a solicitor. That's the only way I've known people to get housed. That was the only way I was housed. You might even have to pay now although it could be money well spent. I took my local housing to court and I've been housed. They wasn't nice to me eather they even called the ss becouse I was homeless with 2 dc escaping dv. Through the ss. So the social services knew my situation. It's not nice and hope you get the help you need soon good luck op.

Black cat

The hospital has a plan in place when she was discharged the first time and it was local CAHMS who refused to treat her as did social services and that why she ended back on a very extended stay in hospital. Almost a month which is unusual but she was in no fit state and she herself has said she feels failed by everyone.

Windows

That’s guidance I’ve been given and trivialising her situation is unhelpful. I must have struck a nerve. In any event She has tried to take her own life several times several times. It’s been proven that her environmental situation is the cause.
I’ve no idea what the housing department made of it as they refuse to respond beyond saying we’ll respond and then never do. They have legal guidelines and policies which they won’t follow. If they followed them I wouldn’t be writing on this forum for advice.

I spoke to a law firm this morning who took the same council to the high court for unlawful rehousing activity (case was won by the person who took them to court) but they have no capacity! Seems there is a huge issue beyond mine.

Next on my to do list is IPSEA and Sossen, I haven’t come across these organisations so thank you.

No advice but just wanted to wish you luck

I doubt a change in housing will miraculously cure all her problems, but good luck with it.

There can be a huge link between your direct surroundings and your MH. And not in extreme cases such as the rape one. Subtle ones too.

In my experience local authorities will do anything to wriggle out of doing the right thing if they can do something else that is cheaper. And they’ll lie, deny, avoid, gaslight, threaten, bully, ignore etc etc in an attempt to break you so you just go away. It is appalling and the complaints process is long and arduous. You just have to keep plugging away.

Sounds like you are having a really tough time. I'm struggling to work out just what it is that you are seeking? Is it that you want accommodation where your daughter can have her own bedroom especially for when she is having MH issues? Sounds like it is a very complex case and because of that you are being passed around from pillar to post because you don't quite fit into any 'box' but have needs that can only be solved by multiple agencies.

Why would someone write in big red letters on a file that you have MH issues, OP? Your posts are very confusing and cover a lot of ground. Is it possible for you to explain in a more coherent way? CAHMS being useless and your MP blocking your emails and the housing department also refusing to help? Even your own social worker (what is this social worker supposed to do for you?) never showing up for appointments . I think you need someone on your side to help you through this. Maybe a calm and practical friend or relative? And you probably need to see your GP about the stress you are feeling.

For your poor daughter - young minds really is an excellent charity.

@Nextphonewintbesamsung

Because it’s an excellent way to absolve themselves of and and all responsibility if things go to shit.

For those of you saying it’s not her environment. It’s been verified by several psychiatrists and other external agencies her environment IS a trigger. It’s also very apparent that it is as if we are away she’s calmer, in the evenings she has to remove herself for hours as she finds it too overwhelming, by all means happy to discuss opinion on this, in contradiction to any mental health professionals if anyone feels they have a better insight into what’s a major trigger. Her ‘self removal’ then presents a safeguarding issue of course. CAHMS actually told me that this wasn’t their problem at one point - these mental health breakdowns.

I was appointed (not requested) a social worker as I have a pretty severe disability, social worker is next to useless and I need practical support not a box ticked clipboard warrior who can’t get basic facts straight and who in facts hinders any progression. She really is absolutely of no use whatsoever and I fell completely in qualified to be working with me. I say this with all due respect But. in a professional capacity I have seen no evidence of her capability beyond error after error. She seems very nice etc etc. Just seems like another method to delay dealing with the actual issues that need to be urgently addressed. In my opinion.

In regards to the MH label, why did they write that? No idea this was the head teacher and CAHMS when I requested help from the schools via their SEN pathway due to ongoing issues with her father. This was a disaster of course and the schools so-called pastoral care they so proudly display on their website doesn’t exist and the school file now holds false information and I suspect which is why she was the only one who didn’t get accepted to the federal school from her primary school. I asked the school under GDPR for the file as the response I got what which information do you wanted to see. I thought a subject access request was to see what they held! In any case this request is another reason for them to label me as having MH issues of course but I’m beyond caring at this point, the opinion of the school admin.

The council where I live is known for maladministration so hardly surprising. As she’s been off school the LA have not done anything to support her being in school either and they are not held accountable for anything from schooling to housing to MH. One of the MP actually asked why she had been discriminated against when denied a fair access place at a school and the council haven’t bothered to respond. That’s the attitude. Unfortunately education social work housing are all run by the same body, this is obviously not ideal in our case.

It’s right across the board and the treatment I have received from staff is shocking.
I have written to the chief exec as I said and they just redirect me elsewhere or say yes yes we will respond but don’t, the director of housing who’s new manifesto states that these exact issues will be addressed but doesn’t actually action anything for the people who need support. She has been identified as a child in need but nothing at all is done, all
Departments are aware of the seriousness of the situation but refuse, in line with their own policies, to implement the process to support resolving any of the issues caused by specific factors, like housing, like mental health treatment, like fair access to school.

This has been going on for years and I have seen people issue more housing points in a far less precarious situation. This is not hearsay or opinion this is having spoken to local people. The fact that all the evidence submitted is not processed and delays are deliberate means there is an issue and because I have challenged it (politely) I’m branded a ‘troublemaker’ - these are the words of one of my MPs who feigned horror at the situation but only pops up now and then to write a token letter on behalf which is of no value.

I don’t need a GP for my stress levels, stress which is a direct result of dealing with a system designed to break people down, as some on their thread have pointed out, but I do need practical support and for the council to do legally what’s its supposed to do. I should need to have to sink an unprecedented about if money into the legal system for that. It feels like a racket.

The staff at the housing office deliberately block any progression and the mere fact her grandmother is in social work in a certain capacity and having seen the rampant substance abuse and the impact on my daughter is frightening and concerns me that the services are not for for purpose. This is the type mentality I am dealing with in some NOT all instances. The fact there is such disparity between the local and hospital services just validated that there needs to be a better vetting system in place as far as I am concerned.

I am very resilient but starting to realise this system is designed to disempower and force people to be quiet, just back down and accept that this is how things are. If I conducted myself at work the way some of the staff do towards me I would be at a disciplinary so swiftly my feet wouldn’t touch the ground.

So what do I do, how to I fight this as there is a deliberate refusal by the council to do the right thing and because this has been going on for over five years the ombudsman May probably only look at the last year - damning enough in itself but the endemic ‘mischief’ For want of a better word that goes on in my opinion should not be allowed to continue without any accountability. It damages not just my family but the community as a whole in my opinion.

I will caveat all my messages that the other DC has had a 100% different experience thus far and is completely oblivious to the shitstorm we live in. And their school is supposed to be less ‘prestigious’ - there is no prestige in either schools they are just local primary schools, it’s just a snobbery thing which is annoying and amusing at the same time. Would send her private in a second if I could based on our terrible experience.

Do I sound angry and frustrated? Good because I am. I think the patience of a saint would be tested as the shoddy, rude way in which staff think they can treat ‘service users/ customers’, is vile and if one tiny hint of frustration is shown then it’s leapt on used as leverage and an excuse not action anything. it diminishes everyone as far as I am concerned.

Have you tried your local councillor as well OP? I know that an MP is more 'senior' but it's actually the Councillors who are responsible for local authority matters.

Also, could you clarify a couple of points about the housing situation? Are you three people (one adult, two children) in a one bed or two bed? Do you need a three bed, and one that is outside of your immediate area?

If you can't afford a solicitor, it might be worth checking whether there are any free advice clinics in your area. If there is a university nearby, there might be one run by the law faculty etc.

Councillor who was an MP as well as MP yes all avenues.

Yes need one additional room and no can’t maximise any more space either :) same area or surrounding.

If the council do what they are specifically set up to do I would have no issue but they haven’t and they have also been found to be not following procedure via the courts so it’s level of frustrating I can’t describe.

The free advice service is run by the council

I mean some days I feel like ending it all to prove a point. I wouldn’t of course as I have DC but the carryings on really do drive one to despair, just to get them to do what they are supposed to. How is this acceptable I ask!!

@75Renarde if they were lethal overdoses you wouldn't be here! Op have you used your MP? This is the very thing they are good at assisting with, plus the fact of them making enquiries means the hospital/mental health provider will ensure they fulfil their duty.

Sorry op just seen you have. Have you taken your complaint through the local authority's published complaints process stage by stage? My experience is this can be very helpful, plus you can then escalate to the local government ombudsman.

Why exactly is she homeless?? Does she not live with you?