hideous crush on younger man

[heartsickidiot]

I think I may have lost my mind. Please don't tell me what I know, that Im an idiot, even mentally unbalance because I have fallen head over heels for a man 12 years younger than me. I am afraid to tell you my age except to say early 60's - yes I know it's almost pathetic - or maybe it is pathetic.
I think he likes me but I can't figure it out.

Here's more unfortunate detail, I'm married, he's married(though he's not happy) and when we meet my husband is always there. This man usually won't even look at me except for a friendly hello, it's seems he'd do anything but look in my direction, but when he does, he locks eyes with me and when we say goodbye, I've caught him checking me out and though he ignores me, if I get up to go somewhere he often aske if I'm leaving - even though I had thought he hadn't even noticed I was there. He's gorgeous, I'm hideously old by comparison (but I'm slim, dress well and look for younger than my age). Also, I certainly attract men of my own age.
What am I to do to get over this crush? I tried to stop meeting him but it's driving me crazy as all I think about is him. And when I stopped turning up, he asked where I was and seemed put out.
About 20 years ago I did have a short affair with a man 8 years younger. Am I just reliving these feelings. I swear I didn't try to like this man but every time he speaks or laughs, my heart skips.
I know I'm an idiot.
Ok, please tell me how to stop this idiocy.

To add to the above. I think I would accept, if he asked me out. I've been scratching my head over how to give him my number. I married at 22 and my relationship with my husband, what can I say, it has endured but......I know, I'm not a very nice person to think these things behind my husband's back.....but I'd give anything to be with this man.

It's not idiocy, you've got a crush, that cant be helped.

But..... no no no.....you're married hun....is your marriage worth throwing away?

Remember lust is a heady intoxicating feeling.... dont let it cloud your judgement.

Truly ask yourself, is your marriage dead ? Can it be improved ? You've been married a long time, that's got to be worth something.

From experience these things always tend to end in tears! Always .....

Think very carefully before you get carried away

The crush will pass.

....but how do I stop these feelings every time I see him. I find myself rehearsing clever things to say to him - like a teenager! Yikes.

You stand to get seriously hurt. Just focus on that. How will you feel if you have a fling and then he drops you? Any negative feelings you have about your looks/age/figure will reinforced 10 fold by his rejection. I know it's unfair but the age difference makes you much more vulnerable than him. My advice would be to walk away and fast.

You cant stop the feelings but you can control yourself. Dont act on them. It will end in tears and heartache.

Also...look at it this way. Flirty banter is fun ....fantasizing about someone is also fun....both pretty harmless. Enjoy his attention, let it boost your ego, we all enjoy that. But leave it there.

You married at 22 and have had a relationship that you describe as ‘endured’.
Not sure why you can’t let yourself feel and experience something you clearly crave.
Life is too short and this is probably why you feel what you feel.
You don’t seem to care if your marriage continues to endure or not - and it’s a sign, isn’t it?
How difficult is it to get that man’s number? In this day and age - not so difficult, I’d presume.
Does he not have a FB account?

Thanks everyone,
I know you all make sense, tears, heartache, I see it all but I guess there's no fool like an old fool. I think I feel intoxicated by this because I feel something between us and I'm flattered.

Is that all it is?
How long does it take to get over a crush Intheheat ?

Oh MMomDD
I'm sorely tempted. I just can't read the signs clearly. The more I think of him, the more I want him. I've read on other sites where you have to let the man do the chasing if the relationship has any chance.
Of course, I wouldn't intend to break up either marriage for this - though his seems to be in tatters. I wish I had the nerve MMomDD....
What if he was horrified that I'd misinterpreted and I still had to see him over a coffee or something when we all meet up?

I have had a lot of crushes in my time. I find they crop up more when I feel dissatisfied with my life. I am not very outgoing and if I am crushing on someone I tend to cut contact for a while to get over it. Usually, afterwards, I realise how silly I was being. The person is usually not as great as I make them out in my head to be.

One of my problems is that I cannot stand the tension of undercurrent. I want it out, dealt with and if there is nothing, to move past it. It gives me closure.

Can I ask if there's a man out there reading this who might give me a male perspective? Thanks

About 20 years ago I did have a short affair with a man 8 years younger.

Did husband ever find out about this?

Look up limerance.

I had a similar thing (though very different circumstances) a few years ago. I was obsessed! Even though my rationale brain knew there was no future in it, I didn't really want there to be, and in many ways, I could see he wasn't even a very nice person. I thought of it as almost like a mental illness that I had very little control over. It passed- it took a long time (months) and it was made easier by moving away (not because of that, just coincidentally), but I think not seeing him any more was key. Good luck!

@ heartsickidiot
Men doing the chasing and all that - it’s all young women’s ideas on how to ‘get’ a man, get him to marry and father children.
You aren’t in that phase of life.
There is no more riding into sunset, etc.
There can be a bit of fun and friendship. Emotions and passion. Which may or may not last for rest of your life.
The age difference does make it unlikely to be a lasting relationship anyway, which I hope you realise.

You can thread lately. Just say hi on social media. Refer to something innocent - some event of significance, something that was discussed last time you saw each other. Or - in this holiday season - you can simply wish him happy holidays and hope that he is having a good time.
If conversation continues from there - then it does. Or if he isn’t interested - it won’t go anywhere.
In your age life is too short to worry if you look silly. Your first contact can go somewhere or not. It’s that simple.

Yes, justonemorepiece, he knew there was something, though I never admitted a full on affair, just that we kissed. he didn't take it well but eventually got over it. I was so heartbroken at losing my lover,long story, that my own pain preoccupied me. I know selfish.!

Thanks, MMomDD
I'm not on Social Media FB. My husband has his number in his WhatsApp, but if I took it and messaged him I'm not sure I wouldn't have a heart attack after I pressed sent!
I'm so confused. I'm trying to ride out the storm but not sure I can.
I wish I could swallow a few drinks - but I don't even drink!

You need to leave your poor DH so he does not waste anymore of his life with you. Seriously!

Letloz
I can't move away. A few of us meet locally about once a week. I've become silent a lot which makes me look even dumber! He's got a very good friend of his usually with him and that guy is shrewd. I'm afraid he will notice and warn off my crush as his friend really likes my husband.

Justonemorepiece. I'm sure you're right. I know I'm not nice. but like MMomDD I too think life is short.
Believe it or not I wouldn't really care if DH had an affair so long as he didn't fall in love with her and secondly, so long as he never told me.

how pathetic, you need to grow up.
If you were a bloke you would be told just leave your wife and let her have a chance at a good life.

Point taken Justonemorepiece.

Goodness me you sound like an angst ridden teenager. It sounds quite exhausting to be honest. If you're struggling with underlying issues that are causing you to behave this way and lie to your partner too then why not seek some counselling and investigate how you might be able to either grow separately or together. Your poor husband.

On a side note - is age difference such a problem? I am having an awful crush on someone good 20 years older than me. She is just so damn beautiful! Age difference really is the least of my problems..

Anyway - I am sorry you are going through this OP. It's tough. But it will pass. Hugs to you!