Hi, looking for some perspective please.
I've just ended a relationship with someone I was seeing for nearly a year.
On and off relationship, but this time round it did feel like it was going somewhere.
Bit of background :both 40, I have 2 nearly grown up children, they are independent and not involved in the sense that he never stayed at ours, I always stay at his. He's divorced with 2 primary age kids. His ex wife is now engaged and fiance lives at hers. My bf is actually renting a house from the fiancé of his ex wife (I know, weird but bf claims it all works for them). I have never met the children or ex wife or fiance. Firstly when I wanted to, it was too soon and he refused saying just that, later on I didn't really bother and probably avoided it myself. His children are his first priority and rightly so, same as mine to me. We managed to fit in our time together fine.
Although he try so hard to act cool around exwife and fiance, I know his confidence knocked out as fiance is more financially successful and he feels he's losing in comparison and can't match up financially and give kids as much as fiance does.
Couple of examples of bf not managing : they all(bf, kids, exwife and fiancé) were invited by old friend to christening and although bf was enthusiastic going, made up an excuse and didn't go. I was supportive of him going, He lied to me, saying he did go, but actually stayed home in bed.
2nd example : he planned a special birthday shopping trip with his dc and gave it absolutely all he could afford to his dc to make them happy,trying really hard to have a special one to one day. on the way back on the train exwife, fiance and friends apparently were travelling home, dc run to them showing presents and they invited bf for a drink after they all come off the train. All seems civil and nice. Bf is complaining they ruined his special day with dc but of course he never showed it to them, only moaning to me.
Now the drama that happened between us.
I haven't seen him since Monday morning and was going to come back on Monday night after work (he was unwell I was looking after him), he in last minute said he's knackered can we do something Friday instead. I reluctantly agreed. Meanwhile he got delivery of my Christmas present to him and said he's not opening it without me, waiting for me on Friday. Importantly to mention we didn't plan to spend Christmas together, but planned to spend new years eve together. He was going to his parents this Sunday, which is today, I was meant to be home with my kids and their father (we are friendly for big occasions - birthdays, celebrations) Bf was meant to have kids Saturday and going to his parents (live far away) straight after dropping kids off on Sunday. So Friday night was really our last chance at Christmas gift exchange and spending quality time together. I was busy all day, we spoke and texted throughout the day on the phone and no plans were changed , we were to spend evening together. He usually picks me up when I say so/when ready. So when I finished all my commitments, I texted him saying I'm ready. He didnt reply. I called, he refused call texted he's having dinner with kids at their house(complete news to me) . I have asked what's the plan then. He said he'll be there for another hr or do and does it work for me. I have asked if exwife and finance out and that's why he's with the kids? He didn't reply. I found it strange, called again his phone was off. I was getting really pissed off by this point, I knew he's avoiding me, but why I wasn't quite sure. A bit of time passed, I messaged him fine, come get me when you finished as I'm home. He replied he had a drink and can't drive. I've called again asking what is he doing, where is he? Was he in the pub or what. He said he's at kids house and he'll be leaving in 20 minutes. I hear male voice in background, assuming it's fiance. About 20 minutes pass, I'm calling bf again, he picks up, connection is really bad, barely hear him, call back twice, same thing. I'm assuming he left already and get to the zone of better connection. I'm dialing 4th or 5th time, admittedly already pissed off, female on the other line, through a bad connection picks up asking am I calling for (bfs name) I say yes. She says he's spending time with his children. I'm asking if he's drunk or what?thinking why somebody else would pick up? She says she feels offended as if he needs to be drunk to spend time with his children? I said I'm sorry it all came out wrong, what I mean is he's acting weird. She says again he's with children and female to female she wants to tell me that if I'm calling 3/4 times I should get the hint that he doesn't want to speak to me if he doesn't pick up. I said I'm calling because we have plans tonight. She repeats you have plans tonight? I hear male voice in background (assuming fiance) saying it's not that he doesn't want to speak to me, he's just busy with the children. Female hangs up the phone. I feel it's all out of control and I guess trying to apologise, call back again, my call is refused.
I feel absolutely mortified, disrespected and humiliated.
I text bf back saying why did he put me in this position when we had plans and I don't think there's come back from it as I feel massively disrespected by his ex wife and him letting that happen . I end the relationship by text basically and due to upset, telling him few not very nice things, reminded him of how well I treated him and how he repays me now.
I ended up having few drinks and said probably more than I should, amongst them that I don't want to see or speak to him but I want all my things back tomorrow, before he goes to his parents, and I want my present back as I want to return it and get money back, as he doesn't deserve a present from me.
All my messages undelivered until next day. Next day he read it all, not replied. I have called back left voice message saying I want all my stuff today, getting even more annoyed. He replied saying he'll bring my things in the afternoon,which he did. When I seen him he was visibly upset. I have asked him if he's going to apologise to me at all. He said what can I say, nothing left to say, is there? To which I said all your fault, not mine. He didn't reply, just left.
No communication since then.
So that's the story. Is it my fault, have I acted like an idiot or I was right to end things? Should I have been more patient or there's really nothing to salvage here?