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Relationships

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Original poster

Pregnant very early on in relationship

77 replies

pebblepetal · 22/12/2019 13:59

I'm looking for some advice, maybe from someone who's been through something similar, try not to be too harsh, I'm aware of the not so clever choices I've made. I've been seeing this man for a few months now and have been official for just under two. Things were going well, we were taking things slow and just getting to know eachother untill I missed my period, I waited a while before finally taking a test a few weeks ago which was positive. I've let it sink in but I'm still not exactly sure what I want to do yet, I told him the same week I found out, he's told me he'll support me whatever I decide I want to do. We both have children, my daughter is 15 and he has two children, 8 and 5. My daughter knows I'm in a relationship but she hasn't met him, I am worried about how this will affect her, it will deffiently be a shock. I could see this working and the idea of having another child does sound nice but it's not an ideal situation and I'm not sure how we'll make it work.

OP posts:

Original poster

pebblepetal · 22/12/2019 14:58

Bump

OP posts:

something2say · 22/12/2019 15:01

Oh no. Sorry to hear it.
In all the cases I've known, it hasn't worked. And not really knowing each other to make such a big decision was a factor as they're stuck with it if they go through with it.
Any red flags with him? Use all the info you've got I say, and consider if you could manage alone...

fleamadonna · 22/12/2019 15:06

I got pregnant on a one night stand.

I married him and we have two children together.

We separated recently though. He’s still a really lovely guy and a wonderful father. Totally devoted and generous. I couldn’t have picked a better man to have children with if I’d tried, but sadly we were incompatible in other ways that became obvious later.

NemophilistRebel · 22/12/2019 15:09

I got pregnant straight away but aborted as I wasn’t just in new relationship but also only just out of a bad one and living with parents

I don’t regret it as it was the right decision for me at the time but I hate that I did it too.

We ended up trying for a baby 10 months later because i never really go over it.

We had moved in with each other by that point and now are married with another baby coming.

plantainchips · 22/12/2019 15:10

You’re going to get a lot of posters giving you examples of how they got pregnant early in a relationship and how they are happily married 345 years later with 4 more children etc etc. However, guarantee you that doesn’t happen in the vast majority of cases. You don’t really know this man. Having a child will impact the child you already have. If you want to have another baby, just be OK /prepared with the possibility of being a single mother.

plantainchips · 22/12/2019 15:11

My daughter knows I'm in a relationship but she hasn't met him

For me, this would make it a no.

Northernsoullover · 22/12/2019 15:18

I got pregnant early on and had my son. We got on enough to have a second but it wasn't a good relationship. Are you young enough to cope with another child and are you prepared to be a single parent? Can you afford to support another child? Do you want to go through toddlerhood and newborn stages again? If no to any of these I wouldn't go ahead.

fleamadonna · 22/12/2019 15:18

I agree with plaintainchips. My story is a bit more nuanced and I can’t stress enough how lucky I was that the father of my children is a nice guy. I’m a single mum now and could well have been in this position with a guy who turned out to be useless/controlling/etc etc.

Original poster

pebblepetal · 22/12/2019 15:33

I'm prepared to be a single mum, I've been one for a long time now. I'm more stuck on how we would try to make this relationship work, involving my daughter and his children if they wanted to be and without rushing things, keeping everyone happy seems near impossible

OP posts:

RLEOM · 22/12/2019 21:06

Do you live near each other? That usually helps, especially if you split up.

I got pregnant within 6 months of dating, really loved him and had had multiple miscarriages, so I kept the baby.

Hormones. Hormones changed me and I got really fat. He only got 6 months of "me" and then had to deal with a walrus devil who would blow things way out of proportion. We lasted 3 months after our baby was born.

It's nearly been a year since we split. My hormones started to calm down 9 months after giving birth, I'm me again. I'm nearly over it all but my heart hurts that we're no longer a family. I feel the pregnancy ruined what could've been a beautiful relationship, but I don't regret having my daughter at all - she's such a blessing!

He's now been with someone else for 9 months. I miss him and what could have been. We've had our challenges but everything seems to be settled now, especially now my hormones are back to normal.

If your relationship survives the challenges or pregnancy and then a newborn, you might be in for a chance of making it work, but just be prepared to be a single parent.

category12 · 22/12/2019 21:14

Wow. You need to handle it very carefully with your dd - I can't see many teenaged girls being that chuffed to get a sibling in these circumstances - and your "making good choices with boyfriends and sexual health" talks are going to be interesting.

AllThatPalaver · 22/12/2019 21:16

I got pregnant about three months in. That was 21 years and 4 kids ago. It doesn't always work out but sometimes it does.

Good luck.

TheStuffedPenguin · 22/12/2019 21:18

I could see this working and the idea of having another child does sound nice

It should sound way more than "nice"

SecretWitch · 22/12/2019 21:18

I became pregnant three months after I met the man that would become my husband. We have been together for 14 yrs now. It has not always been easy but we have made it work.

Heartburn888 · 22/12/2019 21:21

Ultimately you need to decide if you want to keep the baby. Your partner sounds very nice in letting you decide what you want to do and will support you. The same happened to me and I fee I was forced into abortion although I wanted to keep it but he didn’t support me in my wanting to keep and when I had an abortion he didn’t support me during the aftermath either.

Thankssomuch · 22/12/2019 21:22

Look, the more I see of relationships, the less I think rules apply. I was pregnant early on with (now) DH. Nearly 13 years in with two beautiful DS. Will it work out long term? I’ll keep you posted...

GoingBackTo505 · 22/12/2019 21:22

I was pregnant after 7/8 weeks of seeing my OH. We now have a gorgeous 9 month old and we live together and it's all going well. I won't say it's been without it's hard times, he had to see me at my absolute worst pretty soon into our relationship. We're probably still getting to know each other in some aspects. But we're making it work. I love him, he loves me and we're happy.

Alexandra80 · 22/12/2019 21:23

I was pregnant 4 months is. We're married with 2 DCs. It can work out but it depends on lots of variables and it's hard to predict how you'll both change and settle as the relationship progresses. I wouldn't be totally pessimistic about it though. I do hope it works out for you like it did for some of us posters

HarryRug · 22/12/2019 21:26

You haven’t been sufficiently sure of this man to introduce your DD to him. That shows that you’re not ready to progress things with him. Babies ideally need two parents and stability. You and he have been irresponsible in falling pregnant. Don’t be even more irresponsible and throw this bomb into your DD and his kids’ lives.

CustomerCervixDepartment · 22/12/2019 21:49

You have both been ‘not shagging anyone else’ (‘exclusive’) for eight weeks and he’s impregnated you? Did you get STD checks before having unprotected sex? Did he not bother using any contraception himself? How many kids, exactly, is he going to produce?

The tales of people who’ve stayed with their new lover who impregnated them when they were essentially strangers are cute and all, but realistically, what will this look like for you? A tangled attempt to ‘blend families’, a brand new relationship with a teenager, children from a broken home, pregnancy hormones and the pressure of another kid, money, no sleep, etc.etc. Can you afford university fees AND childcare for a preschooler? An adult child and a primary school child, plus your boyfriends kids, where would all these people sleep?

CustomerCervixDepartment · 22/12/2019 21:50

Obv there should be a comma between ‘relationship’ and ‘with a teenager’

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2019 21:57

Have you thought through all the implications? How you will deal with a child with additional needs for example? Can you cope financially? Emotionally? I'm sure you're not naive enough to think that you're guaranteed a child with no additional needs. Your relationship is secondary to this as it is so new.

Whiskeylover45 · 22/12/2019 22:20

This was me, OP. He had a seven year daughter from a previous relationship. I had non. Dound out I was pregnant six weeks in knowing him, four weeks from becoming official. He said he would support me in whatever I wanted to do, and I kept the pregnancy, and made avowedly to myself I would make it work for the baby whatever. We moved in together, shared tenancy and three years later married. Times were difficult, times were good. We weathered them to get where we were today. It can be difficult, but if you are both on the same page re. The baby, making it work it can be done. However I do accept that we may be in the minority with this

category12 · 23/12/2019 05:23

I'm just thinking about a 15 yr old girl who's presumably coming up to her gcses, finding out her mum's up the duff to some boyfriend she's barely heard of. And her potentially being expected to cope with a new baby in the house.

AllThatPalaver · 23/12/2019 05:30

guarantee you that doesn’t happen in the vast majority of cases

No it doesn't, but she's already pregnant, so it can't hurt to hear positive stories of those who had everything happen fast and it worked out... Just as people are free to post their stories of how it didn't work.

As someone who posted my story of how it did, I'm kind of regretting it given your take on that... Who knew it could offend someone... Then again.

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