2 months in and i've found out this lie...would you end it?

[user63212]

i feel as if i want to give up on online dating now.

is this something to write someone off for? i feel like it is but maybe im being harsh.

wont say which profession as outing but me and recently dating man - let's call him Pete - work in the same one. after 3 or 4 dates we talked about how hard it was to get into the profession, general funny bits about typical interviews and so on.he told me he was officially qualified in this profession in 2016.

by chance last night i met someone who worked with him! it sounded like he didnt work in the role he said he did and in fact worked in a less qualified one. i then checked this on an official website where you can search for professionals and lo and behold he's not on there. lying is a HUGE no for me. however, as a child i was lied to regularly and it made me very insecure, so it is possible that because of this i am blowing it out of proportion.

i like this man - not head over heels but interested. this has made me stop in my tracks though. not sure if relevant but i am very ambitious and ive done well so far so it is possible he felt intimidated by that.. but i sense i am masking excuses. just dont lie, surely?!

Forgivable:

• Lying about seniority or years of experience could be forgivable.
• For some jobs you don't require a degree, if he was performing a job but he didn't have the degree... I would have a conversation

I must confess that I left my degree short of one subject as I moved abroad and never finished it. I performed my job (doesn't require the paper, just that you know how to do it) for about 5-6 years before I had the opportunity to go back and sit my last exam to get the degree. My XH never knew I didn't have my degree. I was hired for my knowledge and getting the paperwork done didn't change anything at all.

But from what you have explained, he claimed to have qualified for something (as in an architect who can sign projects) and he is far from that (as in 2-4 years away). Big red flag, 2 months in, run for the hills.

I may have got the wrong end of the stick, but if the profession is law - a friend recently said i didn’t appear on the SRA list of “find a solicitor” (i am qualified and hold a practicing cert, but no longer work in law). I phoned the sra to ask and they said the online list was only of solicitors you could hire, so not complete. Might it be something like that?

When DSD met her partner he lied about his age and tried to give the impression he was a student. He feared she'd be put off if she knew he was 17 y.o with no qualifications.

That was quite a big lie (a huge one for him) but he couldn't keep it up and told her the truth within weeks. They're still happily together 19 years later and he's very honest. So lies don't always spell disaster.

But IME happy, durable relationships require honesty, loyalty and trustworthiness. I'm afraid this guy is probably not a good bet.

I suppose you could challenge him and monitor his reactions. My SIL lied because he didn't think he was good enough. It may be that your bloke's motives are relatively harmless.

As others have said, this isn't just one lie, it's a load of lies. He's been dishonest in every work based conversation.