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Original poster

2 months in and i've found out this lie...would you end it?

103 replies

user63212 · 22/12/2019 11:43

i feel as if i want to give up on online dating now.

is this something to write someone off for? i feel like it is but maybe im being harsh.

wont say which profession as outing but me and recently dating man - let's call him Pete - work in the same one. after 3 or 4 dates we talked about how hard it was to get into the profession, general funny bits about typical interviews and so on.he told me he was officially qualified in this profession in 2016.

by chance last night i met someone who worked with him! it sounded like he didnt work in the role he said he did and in fact worked in a less qualified one. i then checked this on an official website where you can search for professionals and lo and behold he's not on there. lying is a HUGE no for me. however, as a child i was lied to regularly and it made me very insecure, so it is possible that because of this i am blowing it out of proportion.

i like this man - not head over heels but interested. this has made me stop in my tracks though. not sure if relevant but i am very ambitious and ive done well so far so it is possible he felt intimidated by that.. but i sense i am masking excuses. just dont lie, surely?!

OP posts:
Musti · 22/12/2019 13:41

The guy I was seeing earlier this year lied to me about things that he didn't need to lie about. Eg that he had savings that he would use to buy a house in the future when he told me months later that he'd had to take out a loan to furnish his rented house. I hadn't asked him nor would it have mattered to me and it was just one of many lies.

The guy I'm chatting to now lied about his age on the dating site we met but only by a few years and told me after a few days of chatting. Still has made me slightly wary. You don't have to be an open book but I dislike lies. I don't think I could forgive being lied to to my face for a few months. I'd never be able to trust him and I would also question his thought process. It is something that would undoubtedly be exposed at some point (unlike maybe lying about reasons for a break up) so what was he planning on doing??

fedup21 · 22/12/2019 13:52

@user63212 have you spoken to him and told him what you know?

Jaxhog · 22/12/2019 13:57

Raise your standards girl!!

You don't have to make do with a less qualified man who lies. I would let him know you know, and then say goodbye.

Interestedwoman · 22/12/2019 14:00

I would dump him. He tried to impress you or give his ego a boost by lying,

MatildaTheCat · 22/12/2019 14:03

He must have told so many lies and omitted so many actual facts in weaving this web of deception. I would question everything he has told you and could definitely not continue seeing him.

Do you think he has failed exams, been fired from posts or did something else before starting his training? there seem to be many years unaccounted for.

Ihavethefinalsleigh · 22/12/2019 14:08

If he can lie about this, what else is he lying about. Walk away from him. Don't give up on internet dating just for this. As in every walk of life there are losers, liars and decent people.

FFSFFSFFS · 22/12/2019 14:10

Bet he can't cope with the notion of a woman being more successful.

I'd be moving on swiftly.

FruitcakeOfHate · 22/12/2019 14:11

I'd get rid without a second thought. And give up on OLD. Had far too many guys who were still married, lied about kids (number of kids they had, by different women), lied about their jobs, lied and lied.

VeganCow · 22/12/2019 14:11

It isnt a one off small lie that may never come up again. Its continually lying each and every time you both discuss work. He is a deceitful man who is trying to pull the wool over your eyes, so, not a nice one.

onemoresipofthehenny · 22/12/2019 14:18

I would end it here. That's the first lie that you know of, and I'm sure there would be plenty more to come.
I know it may seem like a small issue to some, but like you I have been lied to a lot which has caused major issues. If he knows how you feel about lying as well and he still did then that would say enough for me.

beautifulstranger101 · 22/12/2019 14:21

You aren't being harsh. This is a big lie and how the heck did he think you wouldn't find out if you ended up dating?
In my experience, guys who lie about one thing tend to lie about others so just be careful there OP. Its likely he's lying about other stuff too if he can casually lie so easily about something that can be checked very easily.

spacepoppers · 22/12/2019 14:23

That would be it for me I'm afraid. It's not even like it was one little white lie, it was a LOT of lies in and around all your discussions about the subject. He's shown you that he can't be honest about a simple thing, move on would be my advice.

Vietnammark · 22/12/2019 14:24

I wouldn’t dump him. He sounds qualified to run for Prime Minister.

SleighOfSparkliness · 22/12/2019 14:37

Dump! This nonsense is who he is. You’ll never be able to trust him.

NumbersStation · 22/12/2019 14:44

Nah. I don’t do lying.
I’d speak to him about it (because I’d want to see his response) but he would be gone.

Lovemusic33 · 22/12/2019 14:47

Ditch him, if he can lie about this i wonder what else he’s willing to lie about. Not a good start is it? I would ditch him before you get too invested in someone who isn’t who he says he is.

I dated a guy for a a few months who was lying about his age, his job and probably his wife dying too.

lorettalemon · 22/12/2019 14:54

If people can lie that easily, it calls everything they say into question. I recently backed off and made my exit when I noticed. What a guy was saying about what he'd done when and his career date didn't match up and I'd started to notice contradictions in things he'd told me. There were also too many stories where he was the hero and the final straw was when he told me a story which was quite a pointless and silly lie and when I called his bluff by saying I'd check with someone I knew who'd know he panicked and got really argumentative. It was a strange experience and I certainly won't look back!

zasknbg · 22/12/2019 15:00

Lying to that extent is a deal breaker IMO

HollowTalk · 22/12/2019 15:14

He could've easily said, "Oh that's what I want to do - I'm still in the early stages, though" and it wouldn't have mattered at all.

It's the ease with which he's lied and the detail he's gone into that would make me unable to trust him again.

GoodBoyPeachGoodBoy · 22/12/2019 15:44

DioneTheDiabolist ahh thanks! Missed that bit. : )

mintich · 22/12/2019 15:52

He wasnt removed from the register was he?

Chloecoconut · 22/12/2019 17:16

Haven’t read all of the comments, but as someone whose exh lied from day 1 and many of those lies didn’t become apparent until after I kicked him out several years later I’d say save yourself the bother and end it.

Countryescape · 22/12/2019 17:21

Sorry it’s a get rid of him from me. That is a huge lie!

HowDoYouLikeThoseSuedeApples · 22/12/2019 17:37

I’m out !

Mistlewoe · 22/12/2019 17:41

I'd end things yes. Lying is a deal breaker for me