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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hookers - warning ExH’s new GF

86 replies

Deadtome · 20/12/2019 23:40

Should I warn exH’s new GF about his fondness for hookers?
And yes, the main driving force would be getting back at him rather than genuine concern for her.

OP posts:
KylieKoKo · 20/12/2019 23:42

Do you have evidence?

Divebar · 20/12/2019 23:44

She won’t believe you... sorry.

Joopy · 20/12/2019 23:45

No

BumbleBeee69 · 20/12/2019 23:46

She'll never believe you ...

PinkCrayon · 20/12/2019 23:47

Could you tell her anonymously, I would want to know.

Deadtome · 21/12/2019 00:18

Yes, have evidence I could send anonymously...he’d still guess it cam from me though I suppose.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2019 00:20

OOh interesting... she might believe it then OP.. Flowers

Louise91417 · 21/12/2019 00:24

You would only feed his ego by even caring enough to tell her!

teentree · 21/12/2019 00:25

Ask yourself why you want to do it, who it would benefit and how you would react in her position. Then decide.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 21/12/2019 00:27

Chances are even with proof she won't believe you, IF your ex can come up with a minimally plausible excuse. Especially if it's sent anonymously. But is her believing you even the point? Isn't the point more "Here's the info, make of it what you will"? Because it's really no skin off your nose if she believes you or not.

I'd probably tell her, anonymously or not, as long as I was sure I wouldn't come in for a ration of shit from either her or him. If I thought I would end up getting threats or abuse, I'd probably just keep it to myself.

onemoresipofthehenny · 21/12/2019 00:38

No don't waste your time it will only make you look jealous Hmm

Costacoffeeplease · 21/12/2019 00:49

What’s the point? Will you really feel that much better?

Do you want them to think that you care?

Strawberryoranges · 21/12/2019 00:57

Leave it.

TitsInAbsentia · 21/12/2019 01:01

maybe she is a hooker...

Pinkbonbon · 21/12/2019 07:11

To get back at him? Nah it'll only feed his ego.

For her sake? Sure, if you can be assed with the drama. Message: ''Just an FYI, he likes hookers so keep your wits about you. Just thought you aught to know'.

NameChangeNugget · 21/12/2019 07:50

Why on earth would you want to that? What’s your motivation?

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 21/12/2019 09:19

Leave it, if he’s still going to hookers she’ll find out for herself. She won’t believe you and it will support anything he’s told her about you being bitter, vengeful etc etc

snoopy18 · 21/12/2019 09:23

Yes - for her sake not his.

Deadtome · 21/12/2019 09:47

Because part of me thinks why should he get to be happy with his new GF and I get left to try and pick up the pieces of my broken self and of our DC.

OP posts:
Deadtome · 21/12/2019 09:49

And I know that the righteous of you out there and those who can’t identify with those feelings will disagree. And maybe it is wrong for me to feel like this, but maybe you haven’t gone through what I have.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 21/12/2019 09:52

You should thank your lucky stars you’ve got rid of him, he’s no prize, and his new gf will find that out herself in time, no need for you to say anything, she won’t believe you and he’ll paint you as the crazy ex!

JazzyJelly · 21/12/2019 09:58

I would want to know if I was the girlfriend. She may not believe you but it'll be in the back of her mind.

peachypetite · 21/12/2019 10:03

Oh OP I’m sure you’re upset but stay classy and dignified if you can.

fuzzymoon · 21/12/2019 10:05

If I started a relationship I would be grateful if I was warned of this.

However, understandably, you are feeling very bitter and angry towards your ex.

I feel that some help to get you to a point of acceptance may be good as well.

I don't mean thinking it's ok but this is who he is and what he does. His difficulty is no reflection on me or our children. That I am lucky to be out of it and starting again.

If you tell his new gf are you going to police every relationship he has after her. No. You need to concentrate on you and your children.

You may feel like he has left and living it up but is he, no. Would you want that. No. You would want to be with your children being a unit with them. Yes and that's what you have. Even if he doesn't realise the loss that's his issue and makes it even sadder on his part.

pachyderm · 21/12/2019 10:07

Do you have to use a nasty dehumanising word like "hookers"? Most of those women had a bad start in life or are trafficked.

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