Page 3 | Hookers - warning ExH’s new GF

Deadtome · 2019-12-20T23:40:39+00:00

Should I warn exH’s new GF about his fondness for hookers? And yes, the main driving force would be getting back at him rather than genuine concern for her.

BlueBirdGreenFence · 22/12/2019 16:59

Whilst it might make you feel good, doing something spiteful like that really isn't good for the soul.

Years ago I reported someone to DWP for benefit fraud in retaliation for something awful they had done on a loved one. Nothing came off it and whilst I don't feel guilty, I still feel the shame for what doing that says about me as a person.

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 17:02

No. You have nothing to gain.

Stop worrying about how he gets to live his life (other than the relevant - maintenance, contact etc) and move on with yours positively. You’ve got the best revenge, you’ve got shut of him!

ohwheniknow · 22/12/2019 17:03

Men who pay for access to women's bodies do so because they want the sense of power it gives them to buy a human being to use. It has fuck all to do with their partner not meeting their needs.

BitOfFun · 22/12/2019 17:22

Yeah, i don't see why not.

Mintypylonsfryingsurplus · 23/12/2019 10:50

@framic terrible response lets excuse the poor weak men driven by uncontrollable biological urges 🤢🤢🤢
OP I totally get that you feel so vengeful but please direct this emotion into making your life fabulous instead.
I felt the same when my ex did this to me. I want to make it clear that I do not have anything personal towards sex workers. However people in a committed relationship should not use sex workers, so like you, when my ex then entered a new relationship ( while I know for a fact he was still paying for sex / cams/ etc) I felt like whistleblowing too.
Rest assured that while wining and dining her he is still likely to be booking sex appointments so visualise that if you can and feel grateful you are out of it and feel sorry for his new gf.
Look its really natural to want vengeance, you are human. Early on I dreamed and fantasied about it even seriously thought about submitting an expose on one of the ' take a rest' style magazines 🤐
But then I think what a lucky escape I had.
Men like your ex like to show the world a respectable life as a front for their real sordid life. You must be relieved you not that woman anymore x

user1481840227 · 23/12/2019 12:08

How did your relationship end?
Did you end it after finding out about this or did he end it?

Framic · 23/12/2019 16:10

@ohwheniknow What rubbish. University educated hookers charging 150/hr+ is not the modern day equivalent of human slavery. If men just wanted somebody to lie there or 'use,' then why is it that the biggest provision/growth in this industry is the provision of the 'GFE' (girl friend experience) which involves kissing, cuddling and generally good sex? Men see hookers because they have money and they are horny (because they don't have a good sex life at home).

@Deadtome There is nothing inherently wrong with entering in to a mutual agreement with a member of the opposite sex. Paying for sex is legal in the UK. The money issue is on him as is not having the courage to end the relationship. I doubt he was using hookers throughout the relationship though, particularly during the honeymoon phase.

Look, this paradigm of a relationship that after 3-5 years (ish) of marriage and a couple of kids together that a man is meant to just accept an almost friends style relationship with his partner and agree to be celibate for the rest of his life is unacceptable to a successful, attractive male. Physical intimacy is an important part of any relationship. The only men I know in my social circle that don't cheat on their partners are either those that still have healthy sex lives with said partners or those that aren't attractive to most women. You can rail against this all you want, but it isn't going to change.

Thatagain · 23/12/2019 16:24

Op you have the right to live in truth. You need to tell her and all outher gf he may have in the future. Everyone on here who says that it's not worth it or it wouldn't do any good ect don't listen as they are not going through what you are going through. I am a bit disappointed that you are not getting any support on this thread. You will be doing good by telling her even if nothing comes from it. He didn't do it becouse he was in a relationship with you. He did it because he has a sex issue and he needs help and the best help you can give him and anyone alce he mets is to tell the truth about him. It's a very dirty thing to do and I would also make it hard for him to see your DC. Hope you are abe to tell her as it would be out of your hair for good. A good person tells the truth it's good for your sprit and soul.

JacquesHammer · 23/12/2019 16:35

The only men I know in my social circle that don't cheat on their partners are either those that still have healthy sex lives with said partners or those that aren't attractive to most women

You might want to increase your social circle just a touch.

Thestrangestthing · 23/12/2019 16:37

If I had genuine concern for the woman, yes, I would tell her. If it was just to get back at my ex, I probably wouldnt. Rise above it. Have more dignity.

Mintypylonsfryingsurplus · 23/12/2019 20:20

@Framic I have never heard such bollocks in my life.
Try as you may to encapsulate the entire pay for sex culture in such a patriarchal and foul manner demonstrates you have bollocks not only chat it

Cohle · 23/12/2019 20:25

I'd feel obliged to warn her that her sexual health was in danger. Imagine if she ended up infertile because of something she contracted from him. I don't think it could ever be undignified to try and protect another woman from that.

Original poster

Deadtome · 23/12/2019 20:53

@Framic - paying for sex is, as it should be, illegal where I live. I wouldn’t describe the cheaters in your social circle as men. And if that’s your benchmark for the way people should treat each other then I would almost feel sorry for you, except there wouldn’t be any point wasting my sympathy.
@Thatagain - disappointingly I’m not surprised at the lack of support...At one time I might have been, but when your entire way of thinking has been destroyed by years of emotional abuse, you tend to lose faith in the human race. Then you read posts like those of @Framic (or other punters) and you realise that you’re right to have no faith.
Someone else asked if I had ended the relationship - yes. Finding out about the prostitution was the nail in the coffin. Somehow the abuse I suffered wasn’t enough reason to leave, until I had proof of the other. Ironically he kind of did me a favour in a way.
Still, if I could wind back the clock and have someone warn me what a monster he was and is, I’d take that chance to have my life over and run.

OP posts:

Framic · 24/12/2019 12:08

@JacquesHammer

My sample size is more than adequate.

@Mintypylonsfryingsurplus

Typical... Don't engage on a logical, rational level in debate and tell me why the statements I've made are incorrect - Just mention the patriarchy and put your fingers in your ears! Pretty much everything I've said applies just as much to attractive women in sexless relationships just as it does to attractive men. The only caveat is that sometimes women are more likely to put up with the status quo because sex isn't (usually) as high on their priority list and they may be having more important needs met adequately. This is borne out by statistics that show the prevalence of infidelity by women is high, albeit not as high, as men.

I had a friend who when it came out that his Mrs was cheating on him confessed that they hadn't had sex for 5 years. He wasn't attractive enough to go and get laid outside the marriage; she was though.

@Deadtome

Ah, Ireland. Well, isn't abortion still illegal there? Religion will always be a shining beacon of how to restrict a woman's autonomy over her own body.

I'll make this simple. Person A, man or woman, gets in to a relationship. Some time later, perhaps married, perhaps a kid or two, they are in their early or mid-thirties, still quite attractive, and haven't had sex with their partner for say 18 months. Why rational reason is there that this person should remain in this relationship for another 30+ years?

JacquesHammer · 24/12/2019 12:15

My sample size is more than adequate

For what? extrapolation into evidence? Do try again.

BuddhaAtSea · 24/12/2019 12:58

I wish I knew. As it happens, I found out, bit by bit, after a good few years into the relationship. I wish somebody spared me the mindfuck he left behind.

Framic · 24/12/2019 13:15

@JacquesHammer

Ah, the "I'm just going to disagree and provide no evidence or logical argument that your assertions are incorrect" stance. How very enlightened of you.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 24/12/2019 13:24

I'd feel obliged to warn her that her sexual health was in danger. Imagine if she ended up infertile because of something she contracted from him. I don't think it could ever be undignified to try and protect another woman from that.

This

mamato3lads · 24/12/2019 13:47

Her motivation is causing her ex grief. Sounds like he deserves it.
I'd go for it, sending evidence too.

LexMitior · 24/12/2019 14:49

Don’t bother. She won’t believe you, and you will appear bitter.

Men who use hookers with families- self serving creeps. As if they’d be content to ever let a stranger paw at their own adult children in similar circumstances. They are hypocrites indeed. They would never be so blasé regarding using hookers to their daughters. The justification is always well it’s not slavery and I’m paying good money. Well if you are really content with that position it’s something you can articulate in front of anybody, not just the Internet.

TheStuffedPenguin · 24/12/2019 14:59

She will think that she is the one to cure him !

TheTickingTime · 24/12/2019 16:04

I would want to know. I wish someone had had the balls to tell me what a liar and a cheat my ex was. I would have safed myself years of agony.

Scarfaceclaw21 · 24/12/2019 16:11

Framic. You have made your point. Your views on prostitution are loud and clear. It is impolite, and insensitive to derail someone elses thread.

NailsNeedDoing · 24/12/2019 16:19

Don’t do it op. It’s far to easy for him to lie and say he only saw prostitutes because he had a bad relationship with you and you wouldn’t give him enough sex. The new gf will believe him because she wants to, and will end up feeling all superior that she’s a better partner than you and that their relationship is strong despite you shit stirring. Your ex will be angry at you and could end up using the children to show that anger, and you will be left feeling worse off having achieved nothing.

If it helps, and you really are that desperate for revenge right now, hold on to the thought that revenge is a dish best served cold.

Cheeseandwin5 · 08/01/2020 16:51

Whilst I can understand the fantasy of this, if you actual action on this you will just show yourself as being controlling, manipulative and destructive and give credence for him splitting from you.
Also it may result in a tit for tat attitude that will blight both your futures.