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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Office party cliche of shame

79 replies

Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:20

I’ve name changed here trying sort my head out! I did what everyone knows you should not do to. Yesterday night I left the office the Christmas party with a male colleague and had a crazy drunken night. I’m so ashamed! No one at work directly knows but they might suspect. Neither married so that’s not the problem it’s more just the cringe factor. Plus my heart is a bit broken because I have over time ended up falling for him a bit. It was never meant to come to anything but now it has I’m so confused. He definitely doesn’t want it to happen again. Of course I respect that. But I wish it never had now because once you’ve slept together it does change things. Can’t stop thinking about him.

Feel like I’ve put myself in such a bad position professionally and emotionally. I had booked today off thank god but on Monday I am going to have to go in and act like everything is normal. We don’t often have to be in same meetings because we are in different teams but we regularly chat (flirt) and eat our lunch together nearly every day.

I think emotionally I should create some distance until my feelings calm down but that might look suspicious to the office gossips. I don’t even feel like I can tell him what is going on in my head because he was very direct and very clear afterwards. That was pretty hurtful too but better not to have any expectations.

Worst ever hangover today. I’m never drinking at another office do.

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 20/12/2019 23:23

Are you sure he doesn’t want it to happen again?

BellatrixLestat · 20/12/2019 23:28

What exact did he say?

BellatrixLestat · 20/12/2019 23:28

*exactly

Sorry

SpoonBlender · 20/12/2019 23:29

Be careful - you may put him off by being weird about it. You're two adults who already have been engaging in what would be called an emotional affair if you weren't unattached. Take advantage of stepping it up a level and get in.

SpoonBlender · 20/12/2019 23:30

... apparently I missed the sentence about him being direct. Whoops. But maybe he was trying to give you a face saving out?

Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:30

That was the line of the conversation this morning so I think so yes. Too awkward at work and he is very professionally ambitious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:33

Last night we both admitted to having feelings for each other. It was all very drunk though. And last night he did say he would like something to come of it but opposite today. Valued the friendship yadayada. I’m gutted tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:38

I think one of close work mates sent a message asking where we disappeared to and the reality of the potential professional drama set in. It’s true tho, how close we are is already a type of relationship.

OP posts:
dramaqueenforlife · 20/12/2019 23:40

Pretty much the same position as you last week. So feel you pain. Same thing happened. Same words were had. Had an up and down week so far. I really don’t know what to say. It depend on how you both move forward. You can either make it awkward and depends on how strong your friendship is.

ConfCall · 20/12/2019 23:43

Why would a relationship be bad? You mention different teams so you’re not his underling or vice versa. Is it generally frowned upon at work? If not, I can’t help thinking that it could be an excuse. Sorry OP.

Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:46

Sorry for you too dramaqueenforlife. How was it at work for you?

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 20/12/2019 23:48

hold you head high and breeze it OP.. do not let anyone or him make you feel ashamed.. it's Christmas you entitled to have a good time.. Flowers

sauvignonandcheesecake · 20/12/2019 23:48

Hangovers make everything feel worse. By Sunday you should be feeling better and have more perspective. Also maybe message him and say it's going to be a bit awkward for a few days but that you hope you can carry on as normal.

Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:48

ConfCall I think you’re are right. If he cared enough it wouldn’t matter. My pride is hurt but I have to pull myself together and act normal on Monday.

OP posts:
DorothyParkersCat · 20/12/2019 23:51

Don't think about this today at all. You have a hangover so are coloured by post-alcohol shame and paranoia.

Come back here in 24/48 hours (depending on how bad the hangover is!) when you are clear of a hangover and give us a paranoia free account and we'll pitch in with advice and calming words.

Seriously lots of water and an early night.

Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:52

Plus no one has confirmed this but I think he might have done similar a couple of years back with a girl who has since left so maybe he just like the attention. Feel pretty stupid right now but much better for this thread. Thanks everyone Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:53

Will do!

OP posts:
dramaqueenforlife · 20/12/2019 23:55

Actlikeagrownup to be honest first couple of days back were okay. And to make it worse we sit next to each other and he is a director. Then he made a stupid off hand comment without thinking about what he was saying in front of me and I was furious. In all fairness to him he has been good to me. Crawling if anything and and being extra polite and nice. We had a chat midweek which sadly ended up in tears (mine of course) but we have decided to speak this weekend a little more. He also said that he doesn’t want to lose friendship and I’m beginning to realise that as much is it hurts to be friend zoned. I’ve missed the old “us” this week. However how do you explain that to your heart. Just trying to take each day as it comes and I’d be lying if I said it was easy.

dramaqueenforlife · 20/12/2019 23:57

Oh and also agree with the others regarding the 24/48 hour hangover/shame. Everything seems magnified then.

blueshoes · 20/12/2019 23:59

From what you write, you seem to have feelings for him

AnuvvaMuvva · 21/12/2019 00:01

he was very direct and very clear afterwards

Men are always very clear and direct afterwards, aren't they? Never before.

You've been jumped and dumped. Look for a new job in the new year.,

Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 21/12/2019 00:02

That sounds really hard dramaqueenforlife. Sounds to me like you’re doing really well. If he is senior then he really should know better. What I feel like saying to mine is if you valued the friendship so much you wouldn’t have slept with me. But I am all over the place so I’ll get some sleep.

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 21/12/2019 00:03

What a shit bag he is.
You've got nothing to feel bad about. Him, not so much.

Runbikeswim · 21/12/2019 00:06

Ouch hope things work out

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2019 00:07

Come Monday, everyone will have had today's hangover, and tomorrow's chaos organising Christmas.. plus most of your colleagues will have been drunk too... you're experiencing The Fear.. it's horrible and you will get through this.. anyone asks.. you had a BALL of a night.. the end .. add no details Flowers