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Original poster

Office party cliche of shame

79 replies

Actlikeagrownup · 20/12/2019 23:20

I’ve name changed here trying sort my head out! I did what everyone knows you should not do to. Yesterday night I left the office the Christmas party with a male colleague and had a crazy drunken night. I’m so ashamed! No one at work directly knows but they might suspect. Neither married so that’s not the problem it’s more just the cringe factor. Plus my heart is a bit broken because I have over time ended up falling for him a bit. It was never meant to come to anything but now it has I’m so confused. He definitely doesn’t want it to happen again. Of course I respect that. But I wish it never had now because once you’ve slept together it does change things. Can’t stop thinking about him.

Feel like I’ve put myself in such a bad position professionally and emotionally. I had booked today off thank god but on Monday I am going to have to go in and act like everything is normal. We don’t often have to be in same meetings because we are in different teams but we regularly chat (flirt) and eat our lunch together nearly every day.

I think emotionally I should create some distance until my feelings calm down but that might look suspicious to the office gossips. I don’t even feel like I can tell him what is going on in my head because he was very direct and very clear afterwards. That was pretty hurtful too but better not to have any expectations.

Worst ever hangover today. I’m never drinking at another office do.

OP posts:
dramaqueenforlife · 21/12/2019 00:08

Actlikeagrownup you are going to go through a lot of emotions over next few days. Especially as you have feelings for him. Anger, sadness etc. And yes I know what you mean. We disappeared as well (no one had a clue as was towards end of night and everyone drunk so they all assumed we made way home as people tend to just leave without saying bye at our do’s otherwise you end up getting even more shitfaced) and I feel like asking if he kisses and then sleeps with all his friends like he did with me.

MyKingdomForBrie · 21/12/2019 00:11

What @AnuvvaMuvva said - he 'made it clear' in the morning - shitty behaviour. I would hold your head up, be breezy, still have lunch if you're not too busy as you don't want to be gossiped about but definitely no more flirting, pure friendzone.

ElmStreet · 21/12/2019 00:16

He's gross (for reasons already stated upthread). You're not. You, therefore, deserve far better.

Hold your head up on Monday, be polite and friendly but aloof.

BillHadersNewWife · 21/12/2019 00:18

Well that's obvious BluseShoes she said as much!

TableNiner · 21/12/2019 00:40

Can relate to this in that the mixing of personal and professional makes it doubly hard. Also the fact that the relationship has now been altered, not so much by sleeping together but by him apparently making clear he isn’t interested in anything more. But on the other hand you do now know what you are dealing with and there’s no reason why you can’t be totally professional at work and in a couple of months you will hopefully get enough distance to put it behind you, although in my experience it may continue to be a little awkward for some time to come. I’d try not to give any more away to him, as you don’t want to end up playing the ‘wronged woman’ and you have to work together.

GruffaIoChrimbo · 21/12/2019 00:46

Was the sex good? What? No-one else is going to ask?! Were you both drunk enough but not so drunk? I would swan in on Monday, head held high and act like you're over it already.

ThighThighOfthigh · 21/12/2019 00:49

Ugh, why do men get all 'professionally ambitious' afterwards. Be breezy, be brazen and act like nothing happened, to him as well. But i would unfriend zone him.

lifeisgoodagain · 21/12/2019 00:59

Oops! Been their, got the t-shirt, never did that again! It happens just learn from your mistakes and do not repeat (as I did)

Savingforarainyday · 21/12/2019 01:03

Yes, he was shitty.. Said what he needed to say to get in, but then " was clear" after.
And he knew you had feelings?
Not honorable imo

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2019 01:12

Two options....

Shame and scuttling about or...

Own it.

"Yeah we went back to mine, cant really remember as I was drunk so couldnt have been all that :o:o"

They cant gossip if you put it out there. I had similar (ish) happen to me. Had a couple of nights with an old school friend that I'd always liked (and was a regular in my pub) that I thought would turn into something. He then made it very clear it wouldnt, but the gossip had started "Oh I heard about you and XXX" so I said that yes we had spent a couple of nights together, but that was it. It fizzled out very quickly when the gossips didnt have the old "did they/didnt they?" to feast on.

VenusTiger · 21/12/2019 01:30

So he flirted his way into your bed and now doesn’t want to know anymore, almost like it never happened? Seems pretty standard in that he just wanted sex or wants continued no strings.... if you want more then you’ll have to not offer him any more iyswim, as you’ll end up getting hurt.

Strawberryoranges · 21/12/2019 01:33
Flowers
Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 21/12/2019 08:30

The actual sex was good but very drunk. He is a Peter Pan type who doesn’t want any responsibility I think. The career stuff does sound like an excuse now. When I’ve gone a bit colder he has always seemed more keen and vice verse.

I feel like I have given him too much power. I don’t want to feed his ego anymore but part of me desperately want him to message me. He isn’t, he is getting on with his weekend with probably no thought for me at all.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 21/12/2019 08:32

Oh dear OP, I did that once too, thought I'd die but walked into the office with my head held high and acted as though nothing had happened. That's all you can do. It will pass. Chin up.

Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 21/12/2019 08:33

I am glad I am not the only one who has done this at least.

I asked him if it would happen again and he said let’s see then later that night I messaged him and he said he had thought about it some more and it would be too complicated/values friendship too much. Ugh. I feel like a moron but a less hungover one at least!

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 21/12/2019 08:52

In all fairness to him he has been good to me. Crawling if anything and and being extra polite and nice

Be wary of this - if he's senior to you, he's trying to avoid a complaint about his behaviour.

Winterwonderland10 · 21/12/2019 08:57

OP exactly 2 years ago this happened to me. Although he didn't tell me then and there he didn't want nothing. He strung it out for a good 3 weeks going on dates with me. Then he blocked me and I had to go in the office feeling upset and mortified. Over those 2 years when I've ignored him he seems to seek out my attention just like your guy. I think these are the guys who loves an ego boost and emotional part but don't actually want to be in a relationship as it's too restricting for them. These men are the worst!!

AnuvvaMuvva · 21/12/2019 09:02

I messaged him and he said he had thought about it some more and it would be too complicated/values friendship too much.

This is such bullshit. I’m sorry.

draughtycatflap · 21/12/2019 09:03

If the drunken sex was good just enjoy the fetish of having a bit of boss dick and mark it up to a life experience. Move on with your head held high and Merry Christmas!

ThighThighOfthigh · 21/12/2019 09:05

Peter Pans who blow hot and cold are useless, you don't want this man. Dump him in your own head.

TigerDater · 21/12/2019 09:06

Tale as old as time my friend. Neither of you did anything wrong. I hope you feel better today and can find things to distract you from worrying at this before Monday. Because it’s Christmas everyone will be distracted and most will have forgotten already. Don’t complain, don’t explain, act as if nothing happened.

Re your feelings for the guy, he was straight with you and you felt hurt, but hangover and post-sex oxytocin can make you feel more fragile than you really are. Check in again with your real feelings tomorrow.

As for finding another job - fuck that!

Original poster
Actlikeagrownup · 21/12/2019 09:20

AnuvvaMuvva you’re completely right. What a fucking line.
He has clearly enjoyed the attention and the sex and I won’t give him or gossipy colleagues satisfaction of seeing my emotional reaction. Thank-you everyone. Today is a much brighter day in my head.

OP posts:
Zzzz19 · 21/12/2019 10:27

Men are chancers when it comes to this. If sex is on the cards, they will rarely turn it down regardless of whether they want to see someone again or not. This story is repeated 1000’s of times across the country every year. I wouldn’t worry about it and just move on. At least you know now that he isn’t interested in more. Men will flirt for England to get you into bed. It’s the thrill of the chase for many!

DrMorbius · 21/12/2019 10:34

I messaged him and he said he had thought about it some more and it would be too complicated/values friendship too much

Genuine question to the MN masses. Would you prefer he said I have thought about it some more and it would be too complicated/values friendship too much or he said, nah, I just wanted a convenient shag, were done now?

CosmoK · 21/12/2019 10:37

He sounds like a bit of twat tbh. If he really liked you then you'd make it work.
Me and DH met at work and it hasn't harmed either of our careers .

Your guy sounds like he likes the attention but isn't interested in any commitment

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