Office party cliche of shame

[Actlikeagrownup]

I’ve name changed here trying sort my head out! I did what everyone knows you should not do to. Yesterday night I left the office the Christmas party with a male colleague and had a crazy drunken night. I’m so ashamed! No one at work directly knows but they might suspect. Neither married so that’s not the problem it’s more just the cringe factor. Plus my heart is a bit broken because I have over time ended up falling for him a bit. It was never meant to come to anything but now it has I’m so confused. He definitely doesn’t want it to happen again. Of course I respect that. But I wish it never had now because once you’ve slept together it does change things. Can’t stop thinking about him.

Feel like I’ve put myself in such a bad position professionally and emotionally. I had booked today off thank god but on Monday I am going to have to go in and act like everything is normal. We don’t often have to be in same meetings because we are in different teams but we regularly chat (flirt) and eat our lunch together nearly every day.

I think emotionally I should create some distance until my feelings calm down but that might look suspicious to the office gossips. I don’t even feel like I can tell him what is going on in my head because he was very direct and very clear afterwards. That was pretty hurtful too but better not to have any expectations.

Worst ever hangover today. I’m never drinking at another office do.

There is some really good advice here. I think super professional in appearance and manner sounds most empowering: WWAWD? (What would Anna Wintour do?) is next week’s mantra.

I’m mutually responsible for it happening. I need to not obsess about it all from a victim stance.

I am confident that the more busy/not-bothered I am, the more he is going to try to get my attention again. Just need to cultivate real non-interest now but I can fake it until Christmas.

If you feel as though you still like him remind yourself that, after sex, he has decided you're not worth the effort.

That's on him for being a mealy mouthed twatwad who only figures out how he feels after sex.

What I mean is if he starts to test the water again - he decided against you once already. One and done.

Earlygreybee Can I just say - I love your advice!!!
I've screenshotted it to remind myself.

A bit like the OP, I'm feeling a little bruised after my Christmas party. Worried about being the subject of office gossip.. and I'll admit I don't think I've handled it very well so far.

But taking your advice into the new year!

OP I'm sorry he's done this to you. I hope at the least, it was a good shag!
Chin up for you, I was tearing myself to shreds this time last week after my do'. Honestly it will feel better in a couple days.

Yes, if you have to be the subject of gossip better it be ‘think Mary snogged John at some point though she is in total denial about it, also think she’s one of those super busy types who doesn’t really give a fuck about anyone’ is better than ‘have you heard poor Mary is crying again in cubicle three, gosh so embarrassing for her that John shagged her and now is ignoring her’

Both scenarios can be exactly the same facts, it’s how you manage the situation.

Can I also add on to my top office-intrigue-management advice that you can take game-playing to an insanely complex and fun level that is spun out with various sexy players for years. I should know. But it can be quite addictive and destructive and ultimately you probably want to be with someone nice who is a laugh and who you can relax with and who will hold your hair while you puke up and doesn’t mind when you burble on at them when you’re a bit pissed and is around on a sat morning to make you a bacon and egg sandwich. While you are playing around with the hot office mindfuck, the nice boys are getting snapped up by other girls. Long term i would think Mark darcy rather than Daniel cleaver!