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Original poster

Was I dumped because of sex?

130 replies

Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 11:28

Sooo I’m probably being really stupid and naive and please don’t judge me. I was seeing this guy for about a month, we got in so well, chemistry was amazing, made effort to see me, bought me flowers and all that crap. I ended up sleeping with him last weekend and it got to Wednesday when we was meant to be seeing me and he said that he didn’t think this was right for him at the moment and thinks he has rushed into things after his ex and doesn’t want to keep seeing me if he’s not sure about it. He is intending to go back in the army but surely if it was that he would just say?? I did text him the day after explaining how I felt and he just ignored it. Feel pretty shitty and maybe think I shouldn’t of had sex with him? Thoughts?

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 17:42

It was ONE month! He invested nothing.

Daisy7654 · 08/12/2019 17:52

@MiniPanda brilliantly said.
The thrill of the chase and all the romance are often just part of their game. As they say..'men are pigs'

TigerDater · 08/12/2019 18:01

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all OP, as I said before, but you know there is an argument for not waiting so long to have sex with someone new. That way you don’t get over-invested, so if the sex is rubbish or they do a runner having ‘got their end away’, it hurts less. I know this is not for everyone but I would say second or third date max (30 year marriage after sex on the second date here!)

TigerDater · 08/12/2019 18:03

PS marriage is over now sadly but that’s another story

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 18:04

We had been on 10 dates before anything happened. Seems like a lot but I guess it was just the chase

OP posts:
Kimbo1974 · 08/12/2019 18:15

Don't let him knock your confidence or putting you off dating again,. Better off without someone like that

MidnightMystery · 08/12/2019 18:33

He just wanted to have sex with you no strings attached.

You did nothing wrong some men are just dicks.

anotherdisaster · 08/12/2019 18:38

OP, would it make you feel any better if he came out and admitted that he was only after sex so once he got it, he lost interest? I really doubt it would. The saying 'the truth hurts' is applicable here. I'm not sure there is any explanation he can give you that will make you feel happy this has happened. There is nothing wrong with feeling let down and disappointed but try to use this experience to learn going forward.

FloreanFortescue · 08/12/2019 18:46

The sex could have felt really strange to him being another woman after his ex? There's no way to know. Don't beat yourself up about it, he's not meant for you. Wine

Sparkle567 · 08/12/2019 19:27

Seriously op... 1 month... he owes you nothing.

You had sex and now he doesn’t want to see you again for whatever reason.

Move on, it wasn’t even a relationship.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2019 19:47

He just wanted to have sex with you no strings attached.You did nothing wrong some men are just dicks

Kind of leaping there aren't you? I'm sure he could have got sex without waiting a month if that's all it was. Unless you know him deciding his motivation is a bit much. Mystic meg.

Op if you hadn't slept with him you'd be on here saying "do you think it's because I didn't sleep with him"

As said, the sex is not relevant. Whatever it is he decided this wasn't for him. Maybe he felt you were being a bit serious after just a month, and he didn't feel the same, he was just having fun, maybe he already had doubts, maybe he met someone else. Who knows.

Certainly no one on here. Just chalk it down to experience, you had some fun, it wasn't serious, it was only a few dates, end of.

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 19:47

Ok that’s nice. As people have said on here they had sex with their partners after 1 date and ended up marrying them. So what if it was just a month? You don’t know what he was like with me or how he was around for me so don’t sit behind your screen saying that.

OP posts:
PerfectPretender · 08/12/2019 20:08

You're getting a really hard time here, op, and I'm mystified by it. 10 dates is time invested, imo. In four weeks that's over two dates a week, with messages in between, likely.

I'm sorry you're hurting op. I would be, too.

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 20:12

Constant messages, arranging our dates and coming to my house after 12 hours at work so I’m sure you can see why I’m a little confused as to why he would put this effort in for a one time thing

OP posts:
MaidenMotherCrone · 08/12/2019 20:14

I doubt the sex had anything to do with it.

You said yourself it was awkward and you were cautious (whatever that means).

Could you have been a bit needy maybe, the message you sent him regarding how you felt after he called it a day points to neediness and you being a bit intense.

afterme · 08/12/2019 20:15

He probably didn’t plan it to be a one time thing.

leolion81 · 08/12/2019 20:24

He got what he wanted and scarpered is an easy conclusion to jump to, but I don't buy that a man who put in that level of effort in for a month would do that. I'd go with the sex made his feelings develop further, which has freaked him out so he's retreated to his man cave to figure things out. He may well be back, in fact I'd bet on it.

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 20:26

There was no neediness from me after. He’s the one who messaged as soon as he got home and the next day. Yeah I sent the message because I needed it off my chest as it didn’t make sense

OP posts:
Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 20:27

One of my friends have said that but I just didn’t think that was a thing for guys? Thought it was just the women who got that after sex

OP posts:
Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 20:29

But then when he sent that message I also asked if he wanted to talk through things and he said no his mind had made up, I said I was a little confused at this and he said he liked me and we got on but it’s just the wrong time. Whatever that means

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 08/12/2019 20:30

One of my friends have said that but I just didn’t think that was a thing for guys? Thought it was just the women who got that after sex

Confused Not all guys react the same way to things, just as not all women react the same way.

It really is time to move on. You’re making it so much more stressful for yourself by micro-analysing four weeks of casual dating.

BitOfFun · 08/12/2019 20:33

NOBODY with a reasonably healthy attitude does that. It's garbage: a complete myth.

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 20:39

What’s a myth?

OP posts:
leolion81 · 08/12/2019 20:42

People will have you believe men don't get like that after sex because men are animals who dip their wick then move on to the next victim. I really don't go with that attitude. Men are capable of feelings just as much as women surely.
To hear you were used is hurtful and makes you feel shit about yourself. Yet people will happily tell you that and oh you're also stupid for being invested in a short fling. Sorry but all this nonsense about casual, exclusivity, he owes you nothing, it's rubbish. I don't think anyone who has actually dated in the last few years can say that and mean it. Of course you get invested and hopeful when you like someone and have a spark with them. And it's a huge disappointment when things go south. But he will be back they always do. What I usually find though is by the time they do that I've thought about things and realised they were a bit of a dick and didn't deserve me anyway.
Don't let this damage your self esteem.

VenusTiger · 08/12/2019 20:52

Ashamed to say, I did this once - me and my bf were no longer an item (he’s my DH now though Grin ) and I slept with someone I’d been dating for a few weeks, then the very next day, (actually it was during the deed!) I regretted it and broke it off with him. It wasn’t him, nor was it me. I just didn’t realise that I wasn’t ready for intimacy with someone new.
He may not be over his ex when he thought he was. I knew I wasn’t over my ex (which is why we got back together and got married.... long time ago now) but needed to move on after years of trying to, I started dating someone and it was great, until we got close and I couldn’t continue the relationship. He was very understanding though and I was very apologetic.