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Original poster

Was I dumped because of sex?

130 replies

Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 11:28

Sooo I’m probably being really stupid and naive and please don’t judge me. I was seeing this guy for about a month, we got in so well, chemistry was amazing, made effort to see me, bought me flowers and all that crap. I ended up sleeping with him last weekend and it got to Wednesday when we was meant to be seeing me and he said that he didn’t think this was right for him at the moment and thinks he has rushed into things after his ex and doesn’t want to keep seeing me if he’s not sure about it. He is intending to go back in the army but surely if it was that he would just say?? I did text him the day after explaining how I felt and he just ignored it. Feel pretty shitty and maybe think I shouldn’t of had sex with him? Thoughts?

OP posts:
Crystal87 · 08/12/2019 13:24

He probably wasn't into you but thought he may as well sleep with you as it was on offer. It's not a nice thing to do but most men would probably do the same and get a shag out of a woman before walking away.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 08/12/2019 13:28

No one here can say why he ended it, as we are not him. On what you've said, neither of you have done anything wrong.

Don't contact him again. Definitely don't send silly emojis.

SweetSally · 08/12/2019 13:29

@Anniewayte91

What is your age and what is his age?

Also, in my experience sex is perfectly reasonable after 1 month dating and you've done the right thing to not postpone it any further.

Move on. Life is short to dwell on such small things x

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 13:30

Is it not wrong that if he didn’t know what he wanted then he shouldn’t of slept with me?

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Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 13:31

We’re both 26

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MashedSpud · 08/12/2019 13:41

Men want sex. If they like you then they’ll continue seeing you.
If they don’t want to continue seeing you they’ll either make an excuse, ghost you or tell the truth.

You can pick this apart as much as you want but it’s not going to change anything.

Some men are twats.

PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 13:54

No it’s not wrong. People can change their minds!

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 13:54

But when I questioned it he said he does like me and we get on well but it’s not the right time. But then yes maybe I’m being silly and naive

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merryhouse · 08/12/2019 13:56

@Anniewayte91 I get the impression that you're not particularly widely experienced? ("It was awkward as I was cautious"... "I was worried about it ruining things")

Are you in the back of your brain battling a persistent feeling that you shouldn't have had sex outside a committed relationship? - even if that wasn't actually your intention at the time, maybe you should have waited to make more sure... are you feeling that you've done something morally wrong?

It's ok to have had sex with several different people. It really is. Be responsible about contraception and disease, make sure it's all consensual and not breaking any promises; but apart from that, having sex is a Good Thing.

(I say this as a 50-year old churchgoer who's only ever had sex with one person, by the way.)

PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 13:57

Having sex with someone doesn’t guarantee a relationship

Velveteenfruitbowl · 08/12/2019 13:58

If I just wanted sex I wouldn’t drop someone until they started asking to have a serious relationship. It doesn’t make sense to put in all that effort for one shag. It may be that having sex just triggered the realisation that he wasn’t ready?

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 14:13

I never once asked him about a serious relationship, I asked him earlier what he wanted and he said to settle down. Is that possible to have sex and realise you’re not ready? Why ignore me when I told him how I felt?

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afterme · 08/12/2019 14:18

Yes of course it’s possible but it could be any number of reasons.

AgentJohnson · 08/12/2019 15:11

Everything he did and said was in furtherance to getting his leg over. It’s shit being deceived but it’s better it’s happened now he’s merrily on his ‘in search of his next conquest’ way.

IT WASN’T YOU! Some men are just selfish twats.

Sparkle567 · 08/12/2019 15:21

Why ignore me when I told him how I felt?

He ended it, it was only a month. He doesn’t care and he doesn’t owe you a reply.

Is it not wrong that if he didn’t know what he wanted then he shouldn’t of slept with me?

Not really, he seen you for a month. I’m guessing you offered sex and he took it.

Did you tell him that you would only have sex if it would progress to a serious relationship?

You might of also had sex and he realised your not sexually compatible if it was really awkward.

IdiotInDisguise · 08/12/2019 15:22

If you have netflix, find that movie “he is not that into you” it is a big eye opener.

The fact he wants to settle down doesn’t mean he wants to necessarily with you, he is checking all his options. Don’t take it personally... it is the nature of OLD and life that you need to sift through a good number of candidates before you find one who wants to stay with you as much as you want to stay with him.

JacquesHammer · 08/12/2019 15:28

With the best will OP it was a month. A single month. Four weeks. He didn’t drop you without explanation. He let you know.

Do you need to visit whether you’re ready to date if four weeks is causing such angst?

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2019 15:31

Op, you're really over thinking this. As he said, the sex is not relevant. He's decide he does not wish to proceed with a relationship with you. For whatever reason. Just try to accept it and move on. Sleeping with him or not, would not have changed the outcome. If he's not feeling it, he's not feeling it

anotherdisaster · 08/12/2019 15:38

Sorry OP. Its easy for people to say 'chalk it down to experience' or 'just move on' but its easier said than done.
Its frustrating if you don't understand his reasons for ending it and the timing has made you assume it was the sex,. It could well have been that the intimacy of having sex made him realise he doesn't want anything serious right now. Having sex can change the dynamics and that may well be what's happened here. Do not blame yourself

PumpkinP · 08/12/2019 15:41

Or more likely he just wanted a shag. Seriously when I was younger this use to happen all the time. There is no deeper meaning. Atleast he told her. Usually they just ghost you!

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 15:47

He was apparently feeling it until he slept with me so yeah maybe just the sex wasn’t good enough for him

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Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 15:48

Surely if he liked me though sex wouldn’t make him realise that? Yeah it’s easy for people to say get over it and move on but not that easy

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anotherdisaster · 08/12/2019 15:49

I actually doubt it was because the sex wasn't good enough. Sex is sex to most men like that so I wouldn't let it affect your confidence there.

Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 15:49

And I didn’t offer it, he knew how cautious I was and he was the one trying it on

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Original poster
Anniewayte91 · 08/12/2019 15:51

Yeah I did think that, it’s just the timing of how he’s all of a sudden realised this after: could of realised it before

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