Ok here's the setup. And I know exactly how ridiculous it looks in cold blood.
Nice message from man with attractive picture. Amazingly he's a widower, just like I lost my husband, but it's a few years ago so he sounds ready to meet someone.
Red flag: changes in what he says. At first hes been alone all that 5 years. Then ver time I say what I've been up to and he alters his story to fit mine.
Always lots of lovebombing as bitoffun said. I'm beautiful, I write well, I'm just what he's been looking for. Fact is, I'm 50 and nice looking at best. Reality check. Who tells someone they're beautiful after a couple of pictures?
Warning flag: nothing checkable in his details. Anyone can be cautious though.
More lovebombing. Chatty messages in the morning. Asks questions and engages with the answers.
Red flag: says hes going away, tomorrow, to a glamorous location for work and would I like to come with him. Just to point out the obvious: people don't do this. Obviously I cant go at 24 hours notice but even though he's done nothing, this offer broke down a significant chunk of normal non-gullibility in me.
Nice messages 'from the airport'. He wishes I could be there.
Sudden message 'from the destination airport' - hes been detained by customs because of a new currency restriction, all his stuff held back, he needs money to get out. Here's his bank account link, could I please please transfer enough money to cover the payment and then pay money to the account details provided here by 'an agent' at the destination.
I mean, for God's sake. Who would fall for this?
More red flags. He has literally nobody else he can ask. Really?? An alleged professional with a job??
At this point, just block them already. However, I went down a rabbit hole of requesting details and trying to check them. Don't- that just means you're engaging with it and they have sucked you in. People dont get into these situations and ask total strangers for help.
They also gave me multiple options. Putting my details into his bank account and trying to withdraw money was obviously immensely dodgy, so I didn't do that, but it made paying into an ordinary uk account seem less dodgy for some reason. There will be a cloud of details and flummery and flattery- just stop and check in with a real life friend if you are feeling the pull.
Anyway, sensible people will be unable to see what could possibly have possessed me. I learned a hard lesson, that the right approach at the wrong time can catch me, that I'm stupider and more vulnerable than I thought.
Hope someone somewhere reads this and thinks twice.