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Original poster

Scammed on a dating site

85 replies

PermanentTemporary · 08/12/2019 11:20

Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this. I'm assuming most people are savvy enough not to actually send money - I was an idiot. But wondered if it had been tried out with you.

It happened on a site I wont name except to say that it rhymes with Bardian OldMates Grin

OP posts:
xChristmasJumperx · 08/12/2019 14:02

Sorry this happened to you. I just felt like a worthless piece of crap after four years of online dating.

I made the decision to stop dating, my value as a person began to increase and my value as a woman did too, over time, I'm not young, but femininity is not only youth. I feel wiser, more content. I feel I wasted years I could have been settling in to this phase where I am now devaluing myself on line. I wasn't even naive or stupid or vulnerable or lonely. Dont know why I kept trying to meet somebody. Cos I felt I should ''meet somebody''. Such a load of conformist nonsense. You have all of my sympathies op Brew

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 08/12/2019 14:10

So sorry OP.
You have done a good thing talking about it here. It maybe the post that stops others being conned. I really feel for you Flowers

Azzizam · 08/12/2019 14:42

I never actually fell for any scam but did message with one. They tend to be widowers and obvious v good looking one only pictures and do something important eg. Heart surgeon. The written English can be very flowery.

AutumnConker · 08/12/2019 15:42

xJumpers - great post very true and insightful

anotherdisaster · 08/12/2019 15:47

Thank you for sharing your story OP. I'm sorry this happened to you.

AutumnConker · 08/12/2019 15:47

And you’ve managed to put in words what I have felt so well, true poet!

Mermaidsinthesand · 08/12/2019 16:02

It's a shame you got conned. Did you get any of your money back?

Original poster
PermanentTemporary · 08/12/2019 16:46

I'm happy to say that my bank refunded me. My dad died last month and they said they felt my judgement was affected by my recent bereavement. I was incredibly lucky that they did that, having taken no precautions at all. I only reported on case the scammers somehow tracked my bank account through my payment.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 08/12/2019 16:57

That's something at least. I'm so sorry about your dad, Perm.

AppleBlossomTimeNow · 08/12/2019 17:06

I'm sorry this happened to you & thank you for sharing the details of the scam. Grief, longing & loneliness can make even level-headed people do rash things. Please don't reproach yourself. Have a good Christmas x

Notsomellownow · 08/12/2019 17:12

Sorry to hear you lost your Dad Flowers Yes these folks prey on vulnerability and of course you were vulnerable. I think you are incredibly brave and open to share your story. And I'm delighted you got your money back!!!

dontmentionbookclub · 08/12/2019 17:13

You've done a very good thing writing on MN so others can see this and it might help think twice if it happens to them. These scammers are very clever and many people underestimate that considerably.

trilbydoll · 08/12/2019 17:18

My work colleague had this. I can't 100% remember the details but I think it was lots of messaging, all very exciting and then he went abroad for work. I can't remember why he needed money, I don't think it was customs related but I think there was an element of not being able to come back without her funding it. Luckily she discussed it with someone and I think saying it out loud acted as a reality check.

DorothyParkersCat · 08/12/2019 17:19

Thank you for posting this and sorry about your bereavement.

I wanted to say that on the positive side, you should feel lucky that you only had the experience you did. There are plenty of stories in the Daily Mail about women who get scammed much further by men they have men, slept with, go on to get engaged to and mortgage their home and lose everything to support a man they think is their near husband who turns out to have a second family.

If you had your bank refund your money, you've been super lucky! That's a silver lining.

AliciaFleas · 08/12/2019 17:30

Im glad you got your money back.

userxx · 08/12/2019 17:36

Bloody hell, Don't trust randoms online is the moral of the story.

CBGBs · 08/12/2019 17:48

There’s a podcast called Scammer Stories, mainly US cases but some UK as well. There was a lady who thought she was sending money to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and an elderly man who thought he was in an online relationship with a porn star and sent her money as she wanted to escape the business.

MissLadyM · 08/12/2019 17:55

Thank god your bank was good enough to refund! How much was it btw? Don't give up. Join the 'meet up' site. Everything from hill walking groups to sci fic fans. You'll make friends and romance could blossom. I've met great people through this.

www.meetup.com/

Sandals19 · 08/12/2019 17:58

Thanks s is mostly done by people based in Nigeria/West Africa.

I hope I'd never get involved to be speaking to them in the phone in the first place, but if I did )or if my relative who this happened to had it let me hear him speak) I think we d recognise the accent and diction because I lived in West Africa for a bit (and have always chatted to people I've bumped into from there since then as a result).

Anyone on here getting involved in something like this .. listen to some West African people talking wherever you can access it and then compare it to the man (who most likely says he's from anywhere but a west African country).. of tell any friend/relative you're concerned about to do the same; it might help wise them up.

V glad you got your money back from bank op.

Sandals19 · 08/12/2019 17:59

*This

Sexnotgender · 08/12/2019 18:06

I’m so sorry about your dadFlowers

These people are absolute scum, BELIEVE me you are far from alone in falling for this type of thing.

I used to work in fraud and it’s sooooo common. Scumbags.

DorothyParkersCat · 08/12/2019 18:47

There was a lady who thought she was sending money to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

Well on the one hand, logic would tell you he doesn't need any money.
On the other hand, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson can have all my money.

Isthismummyreallyme · 08/12/2019 18:52

OP I'm really sorry that your in this situation its bloody awful. As lots have said these scams are all to common and its fantastic that at least you have got your money back.

Getting your money back is only part of the solution though and you must remember that these scams/fraud are a criminal office and therefore you have been a victim of crime. These scammers are very smart and do this day in day out. Please seek help from www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/get-help to get your confidence back!
Please do not let this utter scumbag define you and your life moving forward.

Much love.

jinglebellsnow · 08/12/2019 18:53

I'm sorry this happened to you.

There are lots of fake profiles on dating sites. The red flags are profiles of men who claim they are widowed, American looking photos, English that doesn't quite make sense, foreign mobile phone numbers,claiming to work away in the US military etc.

Peachy56 · 09/12/2019 00:19

I joined a couple of internet dating sites got chatting to 3 men and each one of them asked for money . I played along seeing how far they would try to go on with their scam , I then informed them that I was an undercover police officer and they were under surveillance, they soon disappeared. I did not send any money .

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