Is he abusive or is it just a bad relationship?

[Pizzaaddict]

I have a 8 day old baby and a one year old and ten year old and have barely slept so this will be a rambling post but I need to post.

I’m trying to work out if my “partner” is emotionally abusive or maybe I just don’t like him and I’m being dramatic. I will type in bullet points the things he has done because I literally haven’t the mental ability to compose proper paragraphs atm

• night before my section he sat on the pc playing his games while our 1 year old screamed inconsolably and refused to see to him so I had to sit there for 2 hours rocking and comforting him at 2am before my op

• since home from hosp doesn’t wash up or clean or cook or anything for other boys (oldest boys is mine not his the toddler is his)

• refuses to pick up my son from schooo

So I have to struggle there after surgery

• refuses to go to the shop

To get me more maternity pads so I had to go there four days after surgery to get them and all he wanted to know is did I remember his Diet Coke

• caught him

Feeding our newborn and old and cold bottle of milk rather than get up and do a new one

• told me to “shoo” in a really horrible way after he took the baby from me

There is so much more. I want to make him
Leave but he said no he won’t. We rent. It’s his home
Too. And he will kick the door in and police won’t care because they don’t get involved in this. And I am
The nasty one because he has tried his best and all I do is moan and cry. And now the midwives are concerned because they have seen me upset and it’s all my fault they are concerned because I was depressed before I met him so ho can he be to blame

He wanted to take the baby at two days old to his work! I said no and he said I’m using the baby as a weapon. Now he wants to take him
Tomorrow to his work and I said no and he said I’m
Jealous of the girls at his work and that’s why

He's vile! I hope you're ok OP and are able to find a way out of the relationship quickly.

My dad can’t realt help practically. He is here emotionally now I’ve told him everything but he has no space. I won’t say a word I’ll just continue but I will be so much stronger because now I know I’m leaving. I’m waitinf for my dad now we will have a glass of wine and I’ll properly tell him what’s been going on

Aw your Dad sounds lovely too. Really glad he is supporting you.

Have a glass for me!

He sounds awful. I'm so glad you've made some plans to leave and that you have support from your family. In the meantime, try and avoid him as much as possible and focus on your children and your future without him. Hopefully this will get you through

Just go and tell him after? Go and block? I would feel too guilty because he loves the one year old
as said if he really loved this little one he would want a calm environment for them and he needs to have some things in place that will make you feel obliged to put up with his abuse, he cant risk being all out evil because it just wouldnt fly with you.
These types are constantly probing to see how much ground they can steal from you, what they can get away with.
When he provokes and upsets you this provides him with feedback about what you will put up with, what he can get away with, he's drawing you out to see how much strength you have.
You need a false front to lull him into a false sense of security while you escape as safely and quietly as you can.

Someone else probably posted this before, but his claiming you are mental etc is emotional abuse, it's designed to fuck you up. It's not true, it's 'just' abuse, try not to let him convince you otherwise.

Well done for everything you've done- and congratulations! xxxxx

I’m recording it all now . I wish there was a way to attach it

OP for starters you "DP" is an abusive arsehole. Get away ASAP. Secondly since you have mice if you get legal advice you could possible use that as a way of ending the tenancy since the landlord has technically not dealt with the mice problem and that's his legal responsibilty especially when there's young children living in the property speak to your midwife and if possible get the environmental health involved so you have documented evidence. And take pictures if you can that should all help towards ending the tenancy early so you won't be liable. Good luck OP and I hope you find the strength to go x

Pizza, hope you and your kids are safe and warm. X

Well done for taking all the steps you've taken. Imagine how brilliant you are going to feel when you come back here to tell us you've got away.

Definitely do not tell him in the meantime.

I don’t think I can take my ten year old out of his school, he is distraught as he has only been there for about six months. I’ve just bought sticky traps to try one last time to defeat the mice. And boyfriend has agreed to leave as he knows the only alternative is us going to Manchester. He is aware that we have that option at any time and my sisters boyfriend will be here to get us so if he thinks he will stay or threaten me in any way he is sorely mistaken. Thanks everyone x

When is he leaving? What financial and child access arrangements have you made with him? What will you do if he doesn’t stick to these arrangements and have you a plan to deal with any abuse?

Is this a long term solution for you - is this where you feel best supported to make the best of being a single mum of 3?

If your 10 year old has only been at his school 6 months a move would be better now rather than once he transitions to secondary.

It’s early days you have achieved so much. Take a breath. You have options down the line.

Prioritise bonding with your beautiful boy and creating a calm, respectful and peaceful home for your other boys.

OP, I know this must be a lot for you to take in from strangers. Do check in and let us know how you're doing x