Is he abusive or is it just a bad relationship?

[Pizzaaddict]

I have a 8 day old baby and a one year old and ten year old and have barely slept so this will be a rambling post but I need to post.

I’m trying to work out if my “partner” is emotionally abusive or maybe I just don’t like him and I’m being dramatic. I will type in bullet points the things he has done because I literally haven’t the mental ability to compose proper paragraphs atm

• night before my section he sat on the pc playing his games while our 1 year old screamed inconsolably and refused to see to him so I had to sit there for 2 hours rocking and comforting him at 2am before my op

• since home from hosp doesn’t wash up or clean or cook or anything for other boys (oldest boys is mine not his the toddler is his)

• refuses to pick up my son from schooo

So I have to struggle there after surgery

• refuses to go to the shop

To get me more maternity pads so I had to go there four days after surgery to get them and all he wanted to know is did I remember his Diet Coke

• caught him

Feeding our newborn and old and cold bottle of milk rather than get up and do a new one

• told me to “shoo” in a really horrible way after he took the baby from me

There is so much more. I want to make him
Leave but he said no he won’t. We rent. It’s his home
Too. And he will kick the door in and police won’t care because they don’t get involved in this. And I am
The nasty one because he has tried his best and all I do is moan and cry. And now the midwives are concerned because they have seen me upset and it’s all my fault they are concerned because I was depressed before I met him so ho can he be to blame

He wanted to take the baby at two days old to his work! I said no and he said I’m using the baby as a weapon. Now he wants to take him
Tomorrow to his work and I said no and he said I’m
Jealous of the girls at his work and that’s why

Wow. He might not have fixed the mouse problem, but at least he’s made getting out of your tenancy easy.
I hope your family will be coming to collect you and your children and help you get out of there sharpish. Good luck.

Thank you. My sisters boyfriend is going to drive down from Manchester to get us. We can stay with her rent free for months and after that I’m not sure. Should I tell
Him
We are going??

Tellmidwife everything
Get referred to local support services
Tell police on 101 when he out

Just go and tell him after? Go and block? I would feel to guilty because he loves the one hear old in his own way the one year old loves him

Thank you @iheartchristmas92

The kindness of people who don’t even know me compared to him is shocking

No do not tell him

Well done, Op!

When you have time try to write down everything abusive/neglectful he has done. X

Is your sisters boyfriend coming now? Where is your partner now?

Aw OP, well done for telling your family

Please dont feel guilty. If he loved the baby properly and was a real dad and partner then it wouldnt of come to this

No dont tell him. For now i would block all contact until you are in a better place mentally, hes worn you down, you need to recover

Stay strong OP, you are doing what is best for your children, you can do this!

Huge well done for telling your family. That text to the landlord is excellent, hopefully that will go well. What a totally gorgeous baby!!
It’s so good for your baby that you’ll be out of this abusive situation, and for you too. You’re strong. Keep strong.

Do NOT tell him until you are away from the property and safely with your sister's boyfriend (what a lovely guy!).

And when you have time, please let us know you're safe too.

You can sort out access arrangements for the kids etc in the future.

The main thing right now is to get you and the kids out and away safely.

Your baby boy is just scrumptious 💕💕💕

Do not tell your OH. Please keep a poker face for now. He will ruin everything and your safety is at risk. If he finds out say you are going home for a week whilst the mouse infestation is being sorted as your baby and toddler can’t be around poison or vermin.

Please let your MW know and tell her that you are not telling your OH. Tell your LL the same.

Plan this all by stealth. What paperwork do you need to take? Passports, bank details, utilities etc - even if you just photo them. Get all of your lovely boys packed up quietly.

You just need to keep loving them all gently and you will have a calm and peaceful home v soon.

How long have you been with this man?

Don’t tell him until after you have left and are safe!

If this hasn't been mentioned yet, once you've reached your sister and had time to recuperate, look into all the benefits you can acess so child tax credits for all three , child benefit of course plus housing benefit should you choose to move out from your sister at some point. Your toddler will be eligible for 15 (or is it 30) hours childcare from age 2 as you are a single parent. Some things may be different now under UC but there is financial help.

Well done on making the move, this was definitely abuse and you will feel so much better being safe with your family

X

He isn’t coming now it won’t be for a few weeks, but that’s fine. As long as I know the end isninsight we will be ok. I have been with him for three years. The first sign was about a year in when my then 7!’ Year old was naughty and he kicked his pile of games over. I made him leave but a few days later found out I was pregnant and he ended up back in the flat.

We currently claim universal credit, I don’t work and he works full time but in a low paid job. Actually I do have w small business from home which takes hours and hours of my
Time but it’s not a proper job. He says I should be back to it by now. (Baby 8 days Old) yet he is entitled to lounge. I said I can’t yet so he has decided we need to get rid of my work desk now because I’m not using it

Why cant he come now OP? Whats changed?

He isn’t in the country he is working away, it was always he would come in a few weeks. I need to sort stuff out like the clothes and all that. I don’t fear for my safety in a physical sense. It just my mental health and I’ll have to just wait x

As said above, keep your poker face on for the next few weeks.

Do not change your behaviour at all or he will know something's up.

I wish you could get out earlier, I really do.

Is there no help available from your sister or dad?
Bearing in mind you’ve terminated your tenancy (assuming from the photos you posted above) you need to arrange to be out sooner rather than leaving it a few weeks.

Hi OP, your baby is beautiful and deserves to live in a happy home. You are doing the right thing by leaving. Please try to leave as soon as you can!