Gosh I'm in such a muddle, I feel sick, shaky and don't know what the hell to do. I've name changed for this post. I'll try to put the whole situation so not to drip feed.
I'm married, no kids of our own, he has two to his ex. He's been divorced years but pays child and spousal maintenance, just telling you this for the whole picture, I don't have big problems, it's all done by court order. I wasn't the OW. There's not much money left at the end of the month. We live in a tied cottage, tied to his job (not mine), bills are paid but it's all part of his job package.
I used to have a successful job in the city, I got burned out and was persuaded to downgrade my job and lifestyle to live in the country with him. I now work as a housekeeper on a very low salary near to where we live.
He doesn't earn much but has always been a bit of a spender. He never goes without what he wants. Again no big problem with this, it's his money.
I've been unhappy for ages but not so unhappy that I needed to make massive changes, I hoped one day everything would be OK. He's a good man mostly. A good dad, son, friend, not such a great husband.
A friend asked me to help her out with some financial work and I agreed, it's turned into a bit of money I've learned to rely on, only about £100 a week but it helps me with bills since I earn rubbish money now. I've been squirrelling money away (it's all mine, he doesn't pay any type of housekeeping to me) and I've managed to save £6000. I'm delighted and I thought this was a secret. I don't know what I was saving for, just my imaginary fuck off fund I suppose.
Anyway, recently he's found out about my savings. We've just had a massive row with him telling me I need to be paying him money towards his bills (that he doesn't pay!) since it costs him a fortune in child and spousal maintenance. In fairness, it's because I don't have to pay gas and electric and rent that I have managed to save so much, but even so, if I wasn't around he'd still have the same costs and he'd still be in his tied cottage. He never treats me to anything, I have to pay my half for every single thing we ever do, including paying half of the children's costs if we go out.
He's told me to take my savings and go.
I'm not from this area, I only moved here to be with him. Most of my friends and my family live a very long drive away. I have a few acquaintances here, but they are mostly the wives of his friends.
I'm in such a muddle. Do I throw away my marriage and everything I've worked so hard to achieve over the years? I know it may sound easy to some, I have savings and the ability to get a good job, but it's Christmas round the corner and £6k won't last very long, I'll never be able to save it again paying rent. Or should I stick it out here, get a new job first, sort myself out somewhere nice to live, then go?