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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

A bit disappointed and worried

107 replies

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 11:59

I had started dating someone since April.

We had intense chemistry, including sexual which he admitted as well.

The problem was/is, that since April I have seen him just a handful of times (7 times).

We have discussed this matter and he has said to me he is a busy guy.

It has happened that he has cancelled even last min.

This guy is a single dad with 50% custody and i understand the busy schedule. I myself dont have kids. I just didnt expect and to be honest didnt believe this is a solid reason for not meeting often.

He also just once has invited me to his house but i couldnt go. He has told me that temporarily lives with his parents, as he bought a new house and he is doing work in it. This has been going on for months and he is not moving in. The whole situ seemed and still seems dodgy.

I met him online and I tried to make it clear from the beginning that i am not involved with attached guys. That was in April. He told me he is over his situation and that they don't talk apart from matters concerning the kid.

Last time we met was end Oct, where we had a talk about him being busy and he explained to me the exact reasons why he does not have time for a gf. We did have sex. Also he did act jealous as we had three weeks to talk up until to that point and was asking me if i did anything with others. I said no and even he commented to my phone notifications "Oh someone wants your company" I said jokingly "ye im popular" and he said "ye I bet you are".

When he left my house we kissed and to meet for drinks soon.

He didnt reach out to me since then....

I am wondering if he was just looking for a distraction or he is really over with his ex. I did some digging on her instagram and she seemed to had posted that she is single and that she is doing her.

2 days after we met, I saw that he was with his kid but she was also in the same place with also her kids from another relationship, but not interacting all together. Just hin . with his kid.

I really dunno whats going on, I always had at the back of my mind that something might be going on... I even went to psychics....

OP posts:

StrayWoman · 02/12/2019 12:46

"very good psychics"

bluejelly · 02/12/2019 12:50

He's not prioritising you. That's all you need to know. Ditch and find someone who does....

MiniTheMinx · 02/12/2019 12:52

I'm psychic and I predict he will string you along just as long as you let him.

mistydayswampwitch · 02/12/2019 13:10

*But in the beginning he said he is looking for a relationship...
*
It's very very VERY obvious he has decided that it isn't you he wants a relationship with. Cut ties!
Stop paying people to fleece you out of money - There is no such thing as a physic!

BellaBraithwaite · 02/12/2019 13:12

God this poor poor man. He's probably realising that you're absolutely mad and is backing off pronto

Who pays for psychics? You must be bonkers. Just leave him alone and block his number if you feel he's not mad keen on you

Dery · 02/12/2019 13:14

Sorry to hear this, OP, but it really isn't a crazy situation at all. He enjoys occasional sex with you but has no desire for it to be more. The reasons for that are actually irrelevant.

When my mum, sister and I were all single around the same time about 20 years ago, we quickly vowed to each other that we would never speculate on why a man whom we were dating/wanted to date was giving us less attention or proving more unreliable than we wanted them to be. In particular, we decided we would never more come up with superficially comforting reasons such as 'he's hurt from his previous relationships so he wants to take it r e a l l y s l o w l y with me."

We vowed this because we quickly understood that if a man is sufficiently interested in you, he will make time for you. If he isn't, he won't. Each of us encountered many of the former - they just weren't that in to us.

Over time, each of us went on to form very satisfying, long-term partnerships with men who were very interested in us and behaved accordingly. It took some years but in each case these men arrived after we had decided that we really didn't care much whether or not we settled down and were contentedly leading happy, busy lives.

Please don't give any more money to psychics about this - they are just telling you what you want to hear, and it isn't helping you. Don't waste any more time on someone who isn't interested enough in you to see you frequently. Chalk it up to experience, put it behind you and move on.

BendyLikeBeckham · 02/12/2019 13:16

I am a psychic. I predict it is going to be cold tomorrow. And that Christmas will take place this month. Oh, and there is a 'new beginning' for everyone in around a month's time, so you should make resolutions for the coming year. I also predict you will break those resolutions.

That'll be fifty quid please.

puds11 · 02/12/2019 13:17

Is there such a thing as a ‘trusted psychic’

MrsHardbroom · 02/12/2019 13:32

'I'm getting the name John'

Windmillwhirl · 02/12/2019 13:33

It doesn't matter what he said, he makes no time for you. I think you need to finish this now. When someone wants to be with you, you know.

He's full of excuses, stop turning a blind eye to them.

minmooch · 02/12/2019 13:40

Dear Lord - could it be any clearer that HE JUUST IS NOT THAT IN TO YOU.

Stop wasting your money on psychics!

Block him and do some work on yourself so you don't put up with this bullshit ever again.

friedbeansandcheese · 02/12/2019 13:44

However i contacted some very good psychics to shed light to the situation . and they explained me the reasons why he is like this and they said this has nothing to do with another woman.

Oh dear me. Come on, OP. Stop wasting your money on 'psychics' who are just using you. They know no more about this bloke than I do about the Pope.

Use your critical thinking skills:
you've known him since April
He's only had time to see you 7 times in 7 months
You feel that something is 'off' about his living arrangements
he's jealous

Stop giving him time and head space! He's not that into you. If you're happy having a FWB relationship when he can be arsed to fit you in, then crack on.

Say goodbye and move on!

Original poster

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 13:50

well this situation is really confusing tbh....

the most logical scenario is that there has been back and forth between him and his ex ??

Also maybe he is hiding that he is dating from her??

Something doesnt sit quite right

OP posts:

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/12/2019 13:58

Something doesnt sit quite right

No shit Sherlock.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 02/12/2019 13:59

Why are you not reading what people are telling you?

MashedSpud · 02/12/2019 14:01

If he was into you he would have seen you more than 7 times since April. That’s about once a month.

You’re not happy so you can either end it and find someone who wants to spend time with you or drag this out and take the tiny crumbs of affection he’s giving you.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 02/12/2019 14:01

OP, what is most confusing is why you are continuing to give this so much time and energy. You are worth much more than his half hearted crumbs.

Original poster

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 14:02

I am and all these things i have thought myself already....

Its just that his behaviour and what he has communicated to me and what he is doing doesnt match.

He seems a confused person for some reason or someone that is trying to hide som ething

OP posts:

isitxmasyet · 02/12/2019 14:03

Op seriously stop paying to be told what you want to hear

If aman is interested he will contact you and make time for you
Yes even when busy

Please find your self esteem before you find another man

MrsMaiselsMuff · 02/12/2019 14:06

He's not the confused one, is he?

It's you that is making this into something it's not.

How much have you paid these psychics?

SuperbMonkey · 02/12/2019 14:07

When men show you who they are believe them. He has shown you who he is, so believe him, not his words. Deeds not words!

Original poster

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 14:07

20 £.

I dunno if he is confused. He had asked me if i had sex with others

OP posts:

forcedfunatxmas · 02/12/2019 14:09

OP is isnt CONFUSED he just saw you and after a couple of times realised you are completely bonkers. Do you have mental health issues? Wrong. You do.

You havent even SPOKEN since October. He's gone. He doesnt like you. He may scrape the barrell and get desperate for a shag in the future and text you... hopefully youll have sort some help for your MH issues by then and be stronger.

Original poster

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 14:12

huh???

I didn't give you any prerogative to insult me like this, you dont even know me.

OP posts:

MrsMaiselsMuff · 02/12/2019 14:14

You're not acting rationally. Have you been like this in previous relationships?

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