This is my first time posting on any site like this and not a big social media user - so apologies for any breaches of etiquette or incorrect terminology, and thanks in advance for any thoughts/advice.
My wife and I have been together 20 years and married for 12. We have two amazing children aged 5 and 8. Found out a few days ago that she has had a secret relationship with another man that started 10 years ago.
I discovered some flirty and highly suggestive text messages I was not meant to see (she forgot about icloud). These gave me some dates they met up or were planning to, which were mainly around her work meetings. When I confronted her about the most recent, she lied. Said she came straight home after the meeting and met no one. It all started to unravel from there.
She has since admitted that she had an emotional affair with this man, though still occasionally back tracks and tries to minimize it. She claims that this ended a long time ago and they are now just 'normal' friends who keep in touch by e-mail and meet occasionally. I've pointed out that 'normal' friends don't need to be kept secret, and there is no reason to lie about meeting one. I asked to see all the e-mails but all conveniently deleted. She has told him now to never to contact her again, but no sign she would have stopped seeing him if she hadn't got caught.
She says there has never been anything sexual but lots of inconsistencies in her answers to questions. She says she kept it secret due to "pushing boundaries" and "over familiarity" earlier in the relationship (all on his part), before feeling ashamed and "breaking it off" to become just friends. She also says they hadn't met for years until recently, but this doesn't fit with the texts I have. I find it hard to believe her and think I'm just getting trickle-truth.
To top it off, we moved for a new job I got a couple of years ago, which is closer to family. But she did not want me to apply at first as we had been in our previous area a long time and had friends, kids in school etc. etc. I agreed to leave it and wrote it off, but she changed her mind out of the blue at the last minute and I applied. I have now found out that her change of heart coincided with the other man also getting a job which requires him to stay in the area we moved to for a week or to every month. She admits she knew this but swears it was nothing to do with her change of heart. I again find it very hard (impossible really) to believe that, and we moved somewhere that provides more opportunity for her to meet him.
I really don't know where to go from here, and just want to try and get as many perspectives as possible.
Thanks