How do I face ex tonight, I feel sick WWYD

[Honeysucklerose1]

My friend and I are going out to a club tonight. All good
She has just told me that there is a party at the local pub and shall we stop in for a drink on the way out
All good
Then she tells me that it is my ex that has invited her and that he's been texting her asking her out.
We split up 3 months ago.
She is not really into him and I know he's my ex and she's single and they can do whatever they want. That's life and I know I've got over it.
But I'm not really over him (although he's a prat and I need to move on)
And every time I see him I feel sick with butterflies etc I feel sick that he's chatting my friend up , I can't help it,
She is not really interested and is only chatting etc
She doesn't know I'm not really over him. I'm not blaming her at all, this is my problem. I really do want to move on.
But what I'd like advice with is
A. Should I find a reason not to go to the pub
B. Go and face my fears and get it over with
And how do you get over this awful churning feeling every time you see them?
Any advice greatly received!!
I've got to work now but I'll be checking in later
(I'm in my 40s btw so way too old to be feeling like this. )

Should I find a reason not to go to the pub

Probably.

He's a bit of a creep to be coming onto your are 3 months after youve broken up.

Age doesn't matter, anyone would feel this way.

From personal experience, skip the pub party as it will only ruin your night and if your friend still wants to go then she isn’t a great friend tbh! Of course you are not ‘over it’ after 3 months, it will still be raw.
Be honest with your friend and explain, then go out and have a great night!

Why is she going?

WTF?

You are going out with your friend and she has arranged to meet your ex along the way

I would be making her my ex friend and having a cosy night in

I mean why is she going to the party?

She’s no friend of yours. Stay away from him and remind yourself you are better off without him.

Your friend is horrible! Dump her too!

Your friend is not much of a friend. You definitely need to bin her off. That's not what friends do.

I would just tell her "I don't feel like bumping into my ex so shall we agree to meet up at the club later and you can go to the pub for a while first? Just text me when you're ready to meet up at the club."

That way you're still giving her the option of meeting up with him but you don't have to put yourself through it. You don't have to come up with a big explanation, just say "I don't feel like bumping into my ex.". She should be able to understand this.

I remember going through this because of an ex. I skipped a couple of parties because I didn't feel like trying to put on a brave face while he was showing off his new girlfriend (and he was showing her off). My friends understood and nobody gave me a hard time about it.

What a terrible "friend."

There are lines you don't cross. This is one of them.

She isnt your friend if she suggested this if I were your friend I would block him after telking him to piss up a stick

She’s not your friend. She’s testing the water if it’s safe for her to proceed.

She is interested otherwise she wouldn’t feel the need to go in the first place. She’s being a terrible friend op and you do not have to just ‘be over it’.
Really feel for you - don’t go 💐

I can think of two reasons for this and both include a hefty does of manipulation.

A} ex and friend are trying to make you jealous/angry

or

B] ex wants to get back with you and is using your friend to get you to the pub.

It sounds very contrived to me and if I didn't want to see him then no way would I be going. What are the odds he would then follow you to the club?

She is not your friend. Please find new friends. Bless you, she's taking advantage of your good nature. Urgh.

Ive just got in, I've felt sick all afternoon.
Thank you everyone, of course you are all correct!!
Ex is very manipulative and I had to finish with him as he'd been texting other women.
Believe me it hurts like hell. Thanks to those saying I don't just have to be over him!!
I think you are correct I need to miss the pub. I'll just say no.
He would love to have two women invested in him.
He knows that I was attached to him.
I've blocked him on everything and asked him not to come near me.
I actively avoid any possibility of bumping into him, but the couple of times that I've seen him, I have felt sick, butterflies, pounding head, dry mouth, and at the same time I'm angry at him for treating me like shit, which he did. So I can't even be pleasant and pretend I don't care!! I think I get that fight or flight feeling.
I think my friend is happy with the attention, but she is very very attractive and gets a lot of attention from men.
I don't think he wants to see me I think he's interested in her.
He would like for me to be missing him and thinking about him all the time (which I am but I have not admitted that to anyone in RL so won't confess that to my friend. )
He'd love to be the centre of a love triangle! Writing it out it sounds so ridiculous!!

Avoid him! Just keep out of his way.

Thanks so much for everyone who's taken the time to reply, it's really been so supportive.
And yes he could end up at the club but that's not so bad as it's heaving where the pub is small and intimate, with no where to hide!
I don't want to make a big deal of it to my friend and look like I care. I'm trying to fake it till I make it, while inside I'm emotional, but not broken! I know he's definitely not worth one tear.

Thanks, yes definitely you've helped me make my mind up I'll be strong and just say I don't want to go. As someone said if she wants to meet him she can do that some other time

I think it's pretty shitty of your friend tbh, especially after just 3 months. How long were you with your ex?

One year, but I as I've got children I took it slowly. We saw plenty of one another but I had my doubts about him as step father material tbh, so I kept my time with him and my family time separate. He came to mine when I didn't have the kids etc so he didn't live with me or anything. (Although he wanted to move quicker!)

I would NEVER meet up with a friends ex whether its 3 months, years or centuries. She is no friend imo.
Dont go out, it's a guaranteed disaster.

Yes it feels shitty but I've got to let it go haven't I? She will realise what he's like, but as I say I don't think really interested in him. I can't really say 'you can't talk to him' can I ?
He will move on with someone and end up rubbing my face in it at some point, but at least I know 100% I'm better off without him.

Even if she was going to cross the line with him and flirt with him/date him whatever - that is one thing.

But she wants you to what? Be her 'wingman'?!??! with your ex?

She is deluded that any of this is fair, or kind and I would be asking her what is going through her tiny mind to be honest!

You've got rid of half the baggage - him, now get rid of the not your friend and start afresh. You have DC and can date again and see real friends.