How do I face ex tonight, I feel sick WWYD

[Honeysucklerose1]

My friend and I are going out to a club tonight. All good
She has just told me that there is a party at the local pub and shall we stop in for a drink on the way out
All good
Then she tells me that it is my ex that has invited her and that he's been texting her asking her out.
We split up 3 months ago.
She is not really into him and I know he's my ex and she's single and they can do whatever they want. That's life and I know I've got over it.
But I'm not really over him (although he's a prat and I need to move on)
And every time I see him I feel sick with butterflies etc I feel sick that he's chatting my friend up , I can't help it,
She is not really interested and is only chatting etc
She doesn't know I'm not really over him. I'm not blaming her at all, this is my problem. I really do want to move on.
But what I'd like advice with is
A. Should I find a reason not to go to the pub
B. Go and face my fears and get it over with
And how do you get over this awful churning feeling every time you see them?
Any advice greatly received!!
I've got to work now but I'll be checking in later
(I'm in my 40s btw so way too old to be feeling like this. )

BumblePan thank you so much for saying that, and everyone else who's saying it, neither would I!
It's so good to hear someone else saying it. Thank you xx

She is not really interested and is only chatting etc

Of course she is. She’s going to a party he invited her too. She might as well turn up with her tongue hanging out.

I would NEVER meet up with a friends ex whether its 3 months, years or centuries. She is no friend imo.

This times 100. She is no friend. What a cow!

And she’s really shitty to put you in this position. That’s not friendship. You don’t go near your friends exes. Unwritten rule.

Thank you everyone!!! I'm really re evaluating this friendship now

I thought I'd just got to be an adult and deal with it!

What sort of a friend gets with your ex's?
I wouldn't be ditching the pub, I would be ditching your friend and staying home.

Yes actually Netflix Christmas collection is sounding more and more attractive!

What a horrible situation for you. I agree that she is no friend and I think she is interested or else is keen to encourage him for her ego. Neither of those are qualities you want in a friend.

I’d stay in or go out with actual friends.

Yes it's an ego boost for both parties I'm sure

Eh?! She's a shitty friend for even considering meeting up with him let alone asking you to join her!

And a YEAR?! You're under reacting - I thought you were gonna say you dated him for a month or something!

I don't think until you came on here you realised how weird a thing this is for her to do and how nasty it is too.

To be honest it's so brass necked that she must be very confident you wouldn't say anything even if you were upset (which anyone would be about this).

Bin her off, maintain your dignity as you have done by not blowing up in her face. Say you don't feel like going anymore but you know it's ok as she has other plans.

Netflix and a night in will be heaven compared to a cold, rainy night out with dickhead number one, bumping into dickhead number two.

You're well rid of them both

Its easy to tell if she is a dick friend or not.

Skip the pub and go to the night out after. Tell her you don't want anything more to do with crap ex. If she brings said ex along to the after party where you are, you'll know she is a nasty piece of work and jealous of you, not a friend.

But yeah, definitely skip the pub. He's going for your friend to make you jealous. In order to feed his ego. Don't give him an inch.

Thank you yes you are right, I'm strong, or try to be, strong for my kids, I have never let them see I'm hurt and I just want business as usual I keep it all in, so I think I present to her a bit like that.
I had no idea it was such a no no although I would never dream of getting involved with someone's ex personally, yes it does sound weird.

Yes definitely a big ego that's the ex but probably the friend too

Plus as we know now he likes more than one woman on the go.

Tbh honest he's not exactly catch of the century

Think you need a new friend

Yes I think that you are right. Thank you !!

OP I'm sorry but she's not your friend. She's allowing your ex to chat her up and then tells you about it. You've only separated 3 months ago, surely she knows the break up is still very fresh for you. Dont go out with them.

Thanks so much, I thought it was weird but as it's just 'chatting' it seems bizarre to say you can't chat to someone. If I said anything to her I think she'd say he's just a friend.

But you are so right everybody I don't know how I didn't see it, I am already distancing from my friend

Has she flirted/suddenly got close to men you've liked or dated in the past I wonder?

She may be treating you as competition. Like a frenemie not a friend.

Well done on avoiding pub. 100% right.

Nothing wrong with keeping on telling your friend what a dick he is, and you feel sorry for his next girlfriend (without giving away your hurt) then change the subject...if she brings him up

This 'friend' IS interested in him. Otherwise she wouldn't be entertaining his messages and arranging to see him this evening. Don't waste your time getting involved in it.
Take care of your self. You're still recovering from a break up and putting yourself in this (weird) situation is the last thing you need. Skip it and stay in / see an actual friend.

Yes you are all right.
I'm giving it all a miss, I don't need the head fuck!!