How do I face ex tonight, I feel sick WWYD

[Honeysucklerose1]

My friend and I are going out to a club tonight. All good
She has just told me that there is a party at the local pub and shall we stop in for a drink on the way out
All good
Then she tells me that it is my ex that has invited her and that he's been texting her asking her out.
We split up 3 months ago.
She is not really into him and I know he's my ex and she's single and they can do whatever they want. That's life and I know I've got over it.
But I'm not really over him (although he's a prat and I need to move on)
And every time I see him I feel sick with butterflies etc I feel sick that he's chatting my friend up , I can't help it,
She is not really interested and is only chatting etc
She doesn't know I'm not really over him. I'm not blaming her at all, this is my problem. I really do want to move on.
But what I'd like advice with is
A. Should I find a reason not to go to the pub
B. Go and face my fears and get it over with
And how do you get over this awful churning feeling every time you see them?
Any advice greatly received!!
I've got to work now but I'll be checking in later
(I'm in my 40s btw so way too old to be feeling like this. )

You have all really really helped me out

I've just had a headache tablet and I'm running a bubble bath. Glass of wine later

I can't really say 'you can't talk to him' can I ?

No, but you can be vigilant with only surrounding yourself with people who are loyal to you, kind, and have your best interests at heart. That is what love and friendship is about.
Your friend is no friend.

Its a horrible situation and I'm not surprised you feel awful.

If you do go out, simply tell the friend you don't want to go to the pub because you do not want to run into him.

Sniffing around your friends ex breaks the girl code.

What a bitch, I had a friend like this. Massive ego, lapped up attention. If I was ever chatted up she'd swoop in and take over. The guy would be dazzled, give her his number and I'd be out of the picture. She always used to say 'I don't even like him'.
Needless to say she is an ex-friend.

Yeah she's not your friend. I'm glad you're stopping in :) have a lovely night to yourself op

Yay I'm so glad you're going to pamper yourself tonight instead

Also I remember a girl from my school who during in sixth form went through a phase of swooping in on anyone's ex boyfriends a day or two after break ups.

We were out one night and she did the old "OMG (mate's ex) is over there, he asked me out tonight but I said no obviously and he won't leave me alone."

He had actually said to her a generic "see you later" at the end of an awkward chat with her during which she asked him if she was prettier than our mate. Which he told her he wasn't. Had no idea she would be out and certainly wasn't interested.

She was a dick just like your mate!

She's not your friend. Friends don't do that.
Among my friends if a relationship ends because he was a prick, and gets to the point where he needs to be blocked and told to stay away then it's simply an unwritten rule that he's dead to all of us! No one needs to ask anyone not to 'chat' or engage with these assholes or not to attend parties etc. because we simply wouldn't do it in the first place!

Totally agree with everyone else. No true friend behaves like this. You sound lovely and as if you are cautious as a person yet see and want to see the good in everyone. Find people who deserve you. And enjoy your evening.

Your ‘friend’ knows that after just 3 months you are not over a year-long relationship. A loyal friend would have shut him down, not bask in his attention and rub your nose in it.

Move on and blank both of them. They deserve each other.

Sorry but your ‘friend’ shouldn’t be texting him at all. She isn’t a good friend. Avoid the pub and find new friends. Surround yourself with nicer people than these two idiots

IdleBet
You have described her quite well Tbh.
Yes, won't be going out with her anytime soon.
I'm 'retiring' from parties for a while

Fk him. She’s crossed the line too though imo. No friend would ever be chatting with an ex of their mate’s in this type of context. Keep your distance from her too. You’re healing. You don’t need your nose rubbed in it. Stay home and save yourself some money xx

Also thanks to everyone who says I don't have to be over him. I want to be that's the thing. Don't know why I keep thinking about that waste of space.

Just to echo what everyone else is saying. Not much of a friend that one they sound well suited.

Tell her you arent over him and you’re still upset at the split but tell her to keep to herself as you dont want him getting wind of that. She’s not a mind reader. I’d tell her if she wants him “fine but id be gutted as it’s too soon and I don’t want to know about it as I still have feelings though I hope they’ll go away soon”.

I’ve been The Friend in a similar situation. It wasn’t him I wanted it was his mate.

I didn’t know that my pal (who in this case would be you) wasn’t over her ex as it was a year later and she told me she was fine. She encouraged me. If she had told the truth I’d have stayed away from his mate. I believed her. Then she was annoyed as I should have known. After her repeatedly telling me for months to go for it with his mate how the hell should I have known.

I have exes I never wish to see again and I am so happy and relieved I split up with... it doesn't mean I'd be ok with my friends going out with them.

It would feel inappropriate and uncomfortable and my actual friends wouldn't even think of it!

You don't need to be over him OP but even if you were, you'd still be well within your rights to think it was bad behaviour on her part!

I hope your friends understand when you cancel

Why would your friend be arranging to meet your ex boyfriend and then inviting u along too! How bizarre!!

Think your ex is playing a little game and using your friend...where is her loyality to you! You dont engage in that type of game play with you friends ex..its the silent golden rule

Tell her you arent over him and you’re still upset at the split but tell her to keep to herself as you dont want him getting wind of that.

No don't. If she's chatting to him (and as PPs have said, she's interested at some level to be doing that) given what she's done tonight I wouldn't trust her not to say anything to him even if she promises on her life not to.

Have a lovely bath, binge watch Netflix and relax. One day you'll be over him, but if you're not ready you're not ready.

Your friend sounds like trash

Yes I don't think I can trust her with how I really feel. After all your comments I feel a bit played tbh

And remember OP you haven't lost a friend, you've gained time and energy for a new one!

If she’s any sort of friend she wouldn’t be just chatting to him, unless they were friends prior to your friendship IMO.

I’d find it highly disrespectful if my ex partner and friend were texting away, if I was over him or not. Where is the girl code?

I wouldn’t go and I’d be pissed off if she went. Suggest alternative plans with her that don’t involve him and tell her your not over him because to be fair she can’t read minds