I cheated and I am so ashamed

[GP17]

I know im going to get alot, and I mean alot of hate for posting this thread here and i dont expect any sympathy or anything. I just want to write this all down and get it off my chest, i have nobody to talk to anymore so thought id get some beating on here instead.

Ok basically i am a male and been with my DP fo 10 years and have a 2 year old DS. I lost my job 4/5 years ago and and have not recovered money worries since then. I set up my on business and was closed don 3 years later through customers not paying up. Anyway i struggled to get another job for months i had savings to help me through and DP helped as he has a good job. I have been so down about money but never spoken up. I glossed over it as i hate speaking my feelings. Anyway, i got a new job lo pay while i find the right job. I went out with the lads and kissed a girl (never done this ever before to her) and i hated what id done. I ignored this girl texting me the following day and it got so much she started staling me on social media. I had to respond and say i wasnt single and had a family. But she started paying me attention and so much compliments and i loved it as i had never had this attention for years from DP. We messaged and se was desperate for me to meet her and i just couldnt ut pressure was too much and said better now or never see me. So i made a stupid lie up to DP and she caught me out and i had to explain everything, we split up and OW range me a few days later saying she needs to see me to see how we feel. I think she loved me but it had only been 2 weeks, it scared me but i kept taking her calls! i got greedy and we met and slept together (she has a DH and 2 x DC)! I felt sick and awful, i left straight away. I ended it all and told my DP i just wanted her and was so sorry etc. I blocked OW and she told my DP about the night together in a rage so i had to explain the lot. Luckily DP still gave me the chance and because i was truthful maybe it worked. Then a month later after gaining a bit of love back OW stalked me again on social media to get my attention. i ignored it a while and didnt want to get into this again but eagerness got the better of me and i accepted a chat, i explained i was sorry about he way i ended it etc. but then we started talking again and we were chatting, i had chances to end and i ignored her for a few days but she kept talking me around. (i have no backbone and have let her dictate this for some reason). I was always planning on ending it as i didnt want to ruin my life so some stupid behaviour!

We messaged on and off until last week where we arranged a night with our friends on same night so we could meet. It lasted 5 mins and was so awkward i got away and left it there to next bar. both DPs found out that night and had to explain everything.

I have lost my DP and DS for my stupid selfish actions! Twice! I never learned and craved attention for no reason when i had it at home. I am so ashamed of myself i havent left he house for work or anything, not eaten or drinking. I have no choice to deal with what ive done because i have no chance to get her back.
I m a sick, vile horrible creature, i have beaten myself up and i regret everything I have ever done! I make myself sick!

I am now so low i have applied to get counselling as i have nobody to talk to, my money problems, low esteem, self-consciousness , lies, gambling and drinking when i go out. I hope i can change myself and become a better person.

I have begged for another chance with DP, even to see DS too. I know i have no chance to get her back but i will beg as much as possible.

I know alot of people have been through this but on the receiving end more i guess as cheaters wouldn't subject themselves to this abuse i am about to get.

I know for a fact i would never treat anyone so badly again, ever. I know i will change and my morals have definitely changed as I cannot stand what i have done!

Does feeling this bad ever get better? i know i dont deserve to.
Can i ever get my DP back?
Will my DS ever forgive what i have done to him and his mother?

P.S I blocked OW on everything now, i know its no use now but i dont want anything to do with her.

It's a tough one because if your DP ever posted here, she would be sternly told to never take you back.

I have zero sympathy, I'm afraid.

She deserves far, far better and the best thing that you can do for your son is to go and get a job, and support her financially to raise him.

NickMyLipple i have a job now i forgot to mention, i support her and i will do anything for her. I know i dont deserve any sympathy an i dont want any. She doesnt post on here so hence why I have to talk as i have nobody.

Wow!! Aren’t you a prize.
Sure what person wouldn’t want a clever chap like you?

Well at least that is something. Try and turn yourself around and making something of yourself. Stop going out drinking, stop gambling and pay back your debts. Have you got a roof over your head?

Did you say you have asked for counselling?

Leave your ex alone and stop begging her to come back. It's harassment and it's not going to happen. Your only concern should be getting your shit together, being a wonderful dad to your son, and doing everything possible to have an amicable as possible relationship with your son's mother.

Your do should at least sit down and talk with you. The outcome might not change, but it's for the best if you both sit down to talk.

Leave your ex alone. You had a second chance and fucked it up through your own foolishness.

Concentrate on making the job work and being a decent and supportive ex-partner and a good father to your son.

*dp, not do

Actions speak louder than words. My advice is concentrate on being the best father ever. One day your dp may at least become friends with you but she'd be a mug to take you back and you know that.
If you can't be a husband at least be a dad.

You’ve fucked up, your DP doesn’t want you anymore. Leave her alone. Be a good dad.

Nope, no sympathy here.

OP if you were in your partner's position, what words and actions would make you trust her again? If you knew she was capable of messaging another man, meeting up with him, having sex with him and then when caught out she kept lying until she was forced to reveal all? What words could she say to you or what actions could she take to reassure you of her honesty, integrity and regret?

Be honest with yourself, could you hold her in your arms and trust her knowing that she had shared her bed with another man, could you cope with those thoughts day in day out, wondering who she was messaging every time her phone pinged, would you be OK with her going on nights out with the same friends she was with when she cheated? Would you feel humiliated, stupid for loving and trusting her, used for being the parent at home taking care of a little boy while she was out fu*king another man? Would you be wondering what parts of your life together was true and what was lies, would you feel like you had wasted you life with someone that didn't really love or appreciate you but was only with you for now for their own convenience or until someone else came along that was worth ditching you for again?

I have been the cheated on partner and if your ex is anything like me she will be thinking and feeling all those things, I am three years on from finding out and it has changed who I am as a person, who I trust, who I am willing to be open and loving with, in many ways it has shrank my emotional world, I will never be the same as I was before. Just something for you to think about my therapist advised me that it takes two to five years to recover from infidelity, that is with both parties being honest, open and continuing to do the hard work. Are you willing to put in that kind of time and effort, make those kind of changes?

What @Frenchw1fe said.

I think you've blown it with your ex now and you need to leave her alone.

You are still a dad though and your son deserves a decent one so focus all your attention on that with no ulterior motive to get his mum back.

Yea....give up trying to get her back. Don’t make her look a mug AGAIN. You got greedy and you got caught out. All you can do now is support your son and that means stopping wallowing in self pity and go to work. I’m sure ur ex feels like shit too but won’t have the luxury of moping about.
Learn from this.

Run OP run fast and far away, no good will come from this post

You cheated because you wanted to. You could have blocked this ow early on but you went along with it. Then after getting a second chance you carried on messaging the ow.

No sympathy. Be there for your son and find someone single and don’t screw it up.

Practical things to look at:-

Have you got somewhere to live appropriate for your son to visit?
Work out the level of maintenance you should be paying and do so.
Discuss with your ex a contact schedule for seeing your son.

I hate being harsh but I'm going to be honest. You were lucky enough to get a second chance after the first time. But then you did it again! You were apparently so full of remorse the first time, but you still went and did it again. So what's stopping that from happening this time, if she takes you back?

She is very likely just as heartbroken as you, but she's put her mental health first because she knows she can't take the uncertainty of never being able to trust you again. How could she ever, after taking you back and forgiving you and then you cheating on her a second time?

I caught my husband on a hook up site a month ago. I threw him out but I've now taken him back and trying to give him another chance. But I won't lie, I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. The feeling of why wasn't I good enough, the constant wondering if he's going to hurt me again. I wonder daily if it would have been better to kick him out for good. I don't think I'll ever look at him in the same way again, he's not the person I thought I knew.

Your DP would have been feeling all of the feelings I describe above when she took you back and gave you another chance. And then you went and cheated on her again. So in all honestly I really can't blame her for ending things with you. If my husband does ANYTHING else like this again or hurts me in any way, he'll be gone. Because I know I can't put myself through this again and I'd never cope with another betrayal. So I can absolutely see where she's coming from.

That said, I can see you're very sorry. Genuine question though - why re you sorry? Are you genuinely sorry for what you've done to her or are you sorry you've been caught? All these issues that apparently caused you to do it in the first place - have they been resolved? What will stop you from doing it again? I think counselling and working on yourself is a good idea and I wish you all the best.

@ChuckleBuckles wow your post really resonated with me, I could have written all that. That's exactly how I feel. Did you stay with your partner who cheated on you? Sorry you have gone through this too

Leave her to make a new better life she doesn’t need someone like you messing about with her and her self confidence. I hope she finds a lovely new man who cares and appreciates her.

The only thing you can do now is be as good a dad as you can be. Be reliable. Provide appropriate and fair financial support, consistently.
As for your partner, she’s done the right thing leaving you as you cheated on her. That is something you have to accept and try to grow from. Do her a favour though and do not ‘beg’ her to come back - she’s already given you the second chance. Accept that she is free now to find someone who loves her and will treat her better than you could.

A very hard lesson, but you can make amends by doing your duty as a dad.

You are still blaming OW for your weakness throughout your post.

Leave your ex alone and focus on sorting your shit out and being a good father.

All you can do is learn from the experience and concentrate on building a new life for yourself. You broke something that can't be fixed, better for everyone to accept it and move on.