I cheated and I am so ashamed

[GP17]

I know im going to get alot, and I mean alot of hate for posting this thread here and i dont expect any sympathy or anything. I just want to write this all down and get it off my chest, i have nobody to talk to anymore so thought id get some beating on here instead.

Ok basically i am a male and been with my DP fo 10 years and have a 2 year old DS. I lost my job 4/5 years ago and and have not recovered money worries since then. I set up my on business and was closed don 3 years later through customers not paying up. Anyway i struggled to get another job for months i had savings to help me through and DP helped as he has a good job. I have been so down about money but never spoken up. I glossed over it as i hate speaking my feelings. Anyway, i got a new job lo pay while i find the right job. I went out with the lads and kissed a girl (never done this ever before to her) and i hated what id done. I ignored this girl texting me the following day and it got so much she started staling me on social media. I had to respond and say i wasnt single and had a family. But she started paying me attention and so much compliments and i loved it as i had never had this attention for years from DP. We messaged and se was desperate for me to meet her and i just couldnt ut pressure was too much and said better now or never see me. So i made a stupid lie up to DP and she caught me out and i had to explain everything, we split up and OW range me a few days later saying she needs to see me to see how we feel. I think she loved me but it had only been 2 weeks, it scared me but i kept taking her calls! i got greedy and we met and slept together (she has a DH and 2 x DC)! I felt sick and awful, i left straight away. I ended it all and told my DP i just wanted her and was so sorry etc. I blocked OW and she told my DP about the night together in a rage so i had to explain the lot. Luckily DP still gave me the chance and because i was truthful maybe it worked. Then a month later after gaining a bit of love back OW stalked me again on social media to get my attention. i ignored it a while and didnt want to get into this again but eagerness got the better of me and i accepted a chat, i explained i was sorry about he way i ended it etc. but then we started talking again and we were chatting, i had chances to end and i ignored her for a few days but she kept talking me around. (i have no backbone and have let her dictate this for some reason). I was always planning on ending it as i didnt want to ruin my life so some stupid behaviour!

We messaged on and off until last week where we arranged a night with our friends on same night so we could meet. It lasted 5 mins and was so awkward i got away and left it there to next bar. both DPs found out that night and had to explain everything.

I have lost my DP and DS for my stupid selfish actions! Twice! I never learned and craved attention for no reason when i had it at home. I am so ashamed of myself i havent left he house for work or anything, not eaten or drinking. I have no choice to deal with what ive done because i have no chance to get her back.
I m a sick, vile horrible creature, i have beaten myself up and i regret everything I have ever done! I make myself sick!

I am now so low i have applied to get counselling as i have nobody to talk to, my money problems, low esteem, self-consciousness , lies, gambling and drinking when i go out. I hope i can change myself and become a better person.

I have begged for another chance with DP, even to see DS too. I know i have no chance to get her back but i will beg as much as possible.

I know alot of people have been through this but on the receiving end more i guess as cheaters wouldn't subject themselves to this abuse i am about to get.

I know for a fact i would never treat anyone so badly again, ever. I know i will change and my morals have definitely changed as I cannot stand what i have done!

Does feeling this bad ever get better? i know i dont deserve to.
Can i ever get my DP back?
Will my DS ever forgive what i have done to him and his mother?

Wow, you are so sorry for YOURSELF. Pathetic.

She already gave you a second chance and you then decided to shag this woman. What did you expect? Your ex had enough self respect to leave you, so do her the decency of leaving her alone. You fucked up. Stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself.

Oh well, you made your bed.

Op, toughen up, admit your mistakes and move on.

You had plenty of changes to stop things going too far and you ignored all of them.

You are only sorry now because you've lost all those nice little comforts of a family and a partner, not because you are actually sorry for what you've done to your OP.

Grow up and stop with the pity party. It's pathetic.

*DP.

No sympathy...get a life! What a sleaze! Your partner is better off without you! Yuck!

"my money problems, low esteem, self-consciousness , lies, gambling and drinking when i go out. I hope i can change myself and become a better person."

Basically, those problems were always there. But you went outside and looked for distraction and in this lazy manner you threw away your family..

ONLY WHEN YOU FACE these things, will you be able to possibly engage with your family again.

Talk is cheap. Behaviour change is what counts and that takes ACTION. Action that is consistent, long term and never changes. Where you lied, you now tell the truth. Where you were secretive, you now are open. Where you were unreliable, you now are solid as a rock.

Learn your life lessons OP. You lost your business through cash flow problems. This is the scourge of all small businesses. It doesn't make you a failure - learn from your mistakes.
Insist on deposits that cover your costs before you start the work. Have clear boundaries on this.
Use profits not to indulge yourself, but plough back into the business.

Come on OP. The hard work starts now. Time to grow up and stop being uneducated in these matters.

Illiteracy stops today. Learn to be emotionally, relationship, fathering, financially, economically literate.

What's do is done. You have to live with the consequences.

Do not beg for your DP back, let her move on with her life. She deserves better. You had your second chance and blew it.

As others have said, focus on your DS. You were a terrible partner, all you can do now is be the best father you can. You DO deserve a relationship with your child. How old is he? When/if he is old enough to understand the situation you need to accept all the responsibility for your relationship ending with his mother.

As someone else who is having an affair can I just say, grow a pair!

Seriously, own your actions. Stop blaming this on the, OW.

Its like me using the excuse I slipped and fell on a penis, it's all his fault!

You cheated for a reason, work out what that is, treat your DW the respect she deserves and end the relationship and learn from this

What is it about men and their penises?

What is it OP? does your penis have a life of its own? does it crave attention and 24 hour care? can't you just ignore it a bit, now and again?

Why is your penis so important? and stuffing it into other women's vaginas? Is your penis stronger than your mind and well being, is the penis more powerful?

I am seriously so thankful I have never been cursed with a penis. Imagine the toil and misery of being enslaved to it....

I agree, leave your ex alone, concentrate on yourself and your son.
Counselling sounds like a good idea.

as i have nobody to beat me up as such.

Join a boxing gym or hire a dominatrix.

Don't come spewing all your self-pity on a forum full of women who've been cheated on and are still hurting. You are being incredibly selfish and I might even venture deliberately cruel.

You've tried to be nice before and still been nasty anyway, so in your ex's position I wouldn't take you back, either, however often you said you'd learned your lesson this time.

Remember that it isn't an exciting drama; it's your son's everyday life. Keep it as kind and friendly as possible, clean yourself up, be reliable and do things nicely, and he'll respect you more than with any chest-beating or declarations of shame. Go to counselling for as long as it takes to work out why you have no pride.

She gave you a second chance though and you blew it. I'm sorry, but you need to leave her alone now. Concentrate on being a better person and a good dad and let your ex move on with her life.

What do you actually want people to say? You say you know you're disgusting and everyone is agreeing. Nobody thinks you deserve your ex back not even you. Your child is your priority not your feelings. Grow up and stop believing you're the victim here.

You mentioned your partner as a "he". Have you changed the details and got mixed up?

Anyway i struggled to get another job for months i had savings to help me through and DP helped as he has a good job.

If your partner is a male, are you feeling guilty about the cheating and about the fact that you cheated with a woman? Does he know you are bisexual or have you hidden that as well?

‘I hope DP just finds someone that would never treat her like i have and be happy’

This is the only decent thing you have said. Leave her alone, she absolutely deserves happiness and you will never be able to give her this. You’ve destroyed and completely annihilated this woman. She forgave you once and you went back for seconds. Your a joke and and a complete waste of space. You deserve every bit of pain you are feeling and unfortunately that will never be anywhere near the pain you have caused her. Be a man for once in your life and leave her alone. And she is not your DP

@GP17, you are having counselling for YOURSELF and that’s great. I hope it will open your eyes so you never do that again to anyone.

For the rest, stop thinking you might be able to get back to your DP. It should NOT be your priority.
Your priority should be to have a house close to your ex family home and be a father and dad to your ds. That means having contact in place in a way that works for YOUR DS rather than yourself. That means paying maintenance (is your ex working?). That means NOT pestering your ex about getting back together, how sorry you are, feeling guilty etc etc.
You are right that you have blown the second change she gave you. And you will have to live with it.

And I would block the OW as soon as you have any message from her. At least, try and get some your dignity back

ChuckleBuckles's excellent post said it all for me, but I'll just add this:

In that long opening post there was nothing - literally nothing at all - to suggest you've even thought about how this has made your DP feel. Plenty on how sick and desperate you were and are, but zilch about her and the trauma and heartbreak she'll have suffered

You might want to have a think about that ...

nothing of sorrwo in your post.just simpering sorrow for yourself.
you will stop.yeh like nyou did after the night out....after then the message...then the keeping in touch over social media and loving the attention.like you did when you shagged her...then mesaged her again! oh wait and then went out with her................hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha do PISS RIGHT O

The only positive thing is you have recognised your behaviour and are doing something about it, and hope to better yourself and become a better person. Counselling is a good start and I hope you get where you want to be.

However, I am sorry to say, I would move on and leave your poor ex to get on with her life. You have repeatedly cheated on her and she will never trust you again, and it won't ever be the same either. It would be best for you both to keep going your separate ways now. She took you back and you still cheated again, if you were really sorry no matter what was going on in your head you would have been on your best behaviour trying to make it up to her and not had your head turned so easily.

Be the best dad you can be and be there for your child and get the help you need.

@crochetmonkey74
“What women want is a kind equal partner who treats them properly not a whining throw myself on my sword, beg to come back 'Oh I'm so wounded and I'm so flawed please fix me'”
Doesn’t seem an equal partner was what the other woman who cheated on her partner was after....

You played with fire.
You got burnt.