I cheated and I am so ashamed

[GP17]

I know im going to get alot, and I mean alot of hate for posting this thread here and i dont expect any sympathy or anything. I just want to write this all down and get it off my chest, i have nobody to talk to anymore so thought id get some beating on here instead.

Ok basically i am a male and been with my DP fo 10 years and have a 2 year old DS. I lost my job 4/5 years ago and and have not recovered money worries since then. I set up my on business and was closed don 3 years later through customers not paying up. Anyway i struggled to get another job for months i had savings to help me through and DP helped as he has a good job. I have been so down about money but never spoken up. I glossed over it as i hate speaking my feelings. Anyway, i got a new job lo pay while i find the right job. I went out with the lads and kissed a girl (never done this ever before to her) and i hated what id done. I ignored this girl texting me the following day and it got so much she started staling me on social media. I had to respond and say i wasnt single and had a family. But she started paying me attention and so much compliments and i loved it as i had never had this attention for years from DP. We messaged and se was desperate for me to meet her and i just couldnt ut pressure was too much and said better now or never see me. So i made a stupid lie up to DP and she caught me out and i had to explain everything, we split up and OW range me a few days later saying she needs to see me to see how we feel. I think she loved me but it had only been 2 weeks, it scared me but i kept taking her calls! i got greedy and we met and slept together (she has a DH and 2 x DC)! I felt sick and awful, i left straight away. I ended it all and told my DP i just wanted her and was so sorry etc. I blocked OW and she told my DP about the night together in a rage so i had to explain the lot. Luckily DP still gave me the chance and because i was truthful maybe it worked. Then a month later after gaining a bit of love back OW stalked me again on social media to get my attention. i ignored it a while and didnt want to get into this again but eagerness got the better of me and i accepted a chat, i explained i was sorry about he way i ended it etc. but then we started talking again and we were chatting, i had chances to end and i ignored her for a few days but she kept talking me around. (i have no backbone and have let her dictate this for some reason). I was always planning on ending it as i didnt want to ruin my life so some stupid behaviour!

We messaged on and off until last week where we arranged a night with our friends on same night so we could meet. It lasted 5 mins and was so awkward i got away and left it there to next bar. both DPs found out that night and had to explain everything.

I have lost my DP and DS for my stupid selfish actions! Twice! I never learned and craved attention for no reason when i had it at home. I am so ashamed of myself i havent left he house for work or anything, not eaten or drinking. I have no choice to deal with what ive done because i have no chance to get her back.
I m a sick, vile horrible creature, i have beaten myself up and i regret everything I have ever done! I make myself sick!

I am now so low i have applied to get counselling as i have nobody to talk to, my money problems, low esteem, self-consciousness , lies, gambling and drinking when i go out. I hope i can change myself and become a better person.

I have begged for another chance with DP, even to see DS too. I know i have no chance to get her back but i will beg as much as possible.

I know alot of people have been through this but on the receiving end more i guess as cheaters wouldn't subject themselves to this abuse i am about to get.

I know for a fact i would never treat anyone so badly again, ever. I know i will change and my morals have definitely changed as I cannot stand what i have done!

Does feeling this bad ever get better? i know i dont deserve to.
Can i ever get my DP back?
Will my DS ever forgive what i have done to him and his mother?

Sometimes we can't be who we need to be at a certain moment.

Rather than blaming the OW for putting pressure on you, you need to do some real introspection to see if this is the case, because contrary to popular opinion, affairs are never about how difficult the marriage is. There are plenty of people playing the martyr and enduring great difficulties in some shitty relationships, who have opportunities to cheat handed to them on a plate, but never take them. The difference is that some people tell themselves they deserve happiness at the expense of causing hurt to their family and others don't.

Affairs are 100% about deficiency of character. Judgy but true. Circumstances, opportunities, difficulties, hardships....these are reasons, but they are never justifications or excuses. Ever.

You cheated because ultimately you told yourself your issues gave you the right to be selfish.

You then regretted how shitty you felt when you received the consequences but regret is not the same as being genuinely repentent or sorry. Which was why you did it again.

I think the counselling is the best way of exploring whether you are feeling regret because you're dealing with some uncomfortable consequences and it really hurts right now. Or whether you really want the relationship back (with the good and the bad).

Then you also have to take a good honest look at yourself. Do you have what it takes to remain faithful to someone even when it seems you are getting back nothing in return? When you feel unappreciated? Do you have trouble with confrontation? What are your weaknesses? Do you take the selfish route when really tested? Be honest with yourself. Perhaps you are idealising your ex? Looking past the faults? You really don't know who you are until you're tested.

In the meantime focus on being a dependable 'doing' dad and leave your ex alone. She owes you nothing. It would be good to practice commitment to your responsibilities even if your ex never gives you the time of day again, as it would be a disaster to go back into the relationship without first doing the internal work you need to do in any case.

Once you're honest, you can forgive yourself and move forward with someone else if need be. What's done is done. You'll find love again in some way and you will be a better person and partner once you learn from this experience. Best of luck.

Its not me well it is because you planned it and did multiple things to hurt your partner.

I havent blamed anyone else you've blamed the ow and made out like you were helpless!

I don't have much advice, I just wanted to say I hope you are OK. Chances of getting back with your partner are slim, but treat this as a Learning curve and never be tempted to do it again in your next relationships.

You’re brave to post this, OP. Many women here are clearly angry from their own experiences with partner infidelity, and you’re making yourself rather a lightning conductor for that sense of outrage. It’s good to hear you have sought therapy. I’d encourage you to follow this up sincerely and engage with it. I say this with no judgement about you as a person - you acknowledge you did something regrettable - regrettable actions don’t make us bad people. But it seems very important you consider why this happened and what your part in it was; beating yourself up won’t help. I would agree with PP that it’s important not to push it with your estranged partner; just show her you care about your child for now. Good luck.

You need to look on the bright side of a bad situation. You said you strayed because your partner wasn’t giving you much attention and it’s not like that is any likely to get better even if you did get back together. Now you get the benefit of being both single and a dad.

Another one for no sympathy.

You’re okay to block her now but you couldn’t when you still had a chance to sort out your relationship. Good on your ex for being so strong and cutting you dead.

I bet she is so hurt, wow. I really do hope she is okay.

You really need to take some responsibility for your actions and acknowledge that you behaved really badly.

If I had supported someone financially over a long period of time and they screwed me over like this, I’d be furious and probably be glad that they are gone.

Now you get the benefit of being both single and a dad

Right it is a win/win for the OP, while he ex has to parent a confused and hurt child and deal with her own sadness at a cheating man that put his dick before his family's well being, but bright side, eh?