Partner just slapped me

[Sandandsea007]

Hi

NC for this. My partner just slapped me in the face. We had argument about washing (how I manage to always put things away and he leaves bits all over the place) - result was him slapping me in my face. My cheek is still stinging 15 mins later.

Background: been together 12 years. Have 2 yr old DC. Not married, no family nearby (and no real caring family). His family is more hands on. House mortgaged in both our name. About 4 years ago we had relationship issues, in that time we argued a lot. He hit me round the back (after drinking and he denies it ever happened), shouted a lot and grabbed me round the neck. I know how it looks in hindsight, but I really thought we’d moved past that. We’ve had arguments that in retrospect have been terrible, but until today I hadn’t thought of them.

We just had an argument (as above) and he slapped me in the face. He’s not done that before. He’s now claiming that I’ve hit him ‘lots of times in the past’. I haven’t. I threw water in his face once (after he got up in my face on one occasion).

I literally don’t know what to do. I can’t leave - DS2 is in bed asleep. I have nowhere to go. I have very close deadlines at work and work compressed hours tomorrow. ‘D’P’s mum stays with us weds night/ Thursday day for childcare. I tried calling women’s aid for advice and they are closed. I don’t know what to do.

Please give me some advice. I’m devastated that it’s come to this, but I can’t continue in this relationship.

Call the police. Now. Thats assault and he should be arrested for it. X

Is he still in house? Agree you need to call the police - first question is are you safe now? Do you have any friends you can call and take ds with you?

I know this is going to be hard to read and do but you should really ring the police, they take domestic abuse very seriously, at the very least he will be arrested tonight and put in a cell until tomorrow for assaulting you, like I said a very hard decision to make given the situation and circumstances as you are living together, he has done it before, done it tonight and very likely to do it in the future, put a stop to it now and at least get it on record for, if any think happens in the future it will go against him, they may even apply bail conditions to him.

Ring in sick tomorrow. You’ve got noro virus. Do you have anywhere else (friends or family) you can go to tomorrow?

Has he been drinking? Where is he now? Can you lock DS door at all and call the police?
If he goes to bed could you get a cab and go to a travel lodge/hotel/friend and call the police?
Do you feel safe?

Yes, he’s still downstairs. He’s tried to me nice by bringing me some water up for bed like he normally does. I’ve just called the police and they are sending someone out.

Police. Immediately. Take a selfie of the slap marks.

Sorry - saw update. Good woman. You’re very brave!!!

You’ve done the right thing OP. I’m so sorry

Well done for making that call, it's a very hard one to make.

Keep your phone on you.

You’ve made the right decision

Phone the police now to report his assault on you you have you and your child to protect. Take a photo as if your cheek is stinging then there will be physical evidence. Next phone in sick say you have the sick bug that will give you a couple of days to sort a safe place for you and child. In the morning phone women's aid and tell them everything and I mean everything totally spill on all past events and if you have anything threatening tonight make sure your mobile is charged and in your pocket and phone 999 or the emergency number in any country you are in if not uk.

I threw my DP out in almost identical circumstances (including precious incidents that I’d brushed under the carpet in retrospect). It was fucking shit. I was going through a very rough time and work and his family didn’t believe me. I’m still not happy in my personal life. Nevertheless, I got through it and it was still the right thing to do. Wishing you strength

Be safe

*previous incidents

I am worried I’ve made the right decision. I don’t know how long the police will take, and even then, I didn’t really want things to end like this.

I can hear him busy putting the washing up away (something we argue about often), so he’s trying to make an effort. He did apologise but automatically went into the ‘you hit me loads’ argument (not true).

I don’t know what to do with myself and I’ve just ended my relationship, haven’t I?

Gosh that's very brave. It is the right thing to do.
Deep breaths, give yourself time to explain what happened to the police. There's no rush. This is about you and your child being safe. Your partner has behaved in an appalling manner.

You're doing the right thing

Good luck OP. You’ve done the right thing. Be prepared for more shit than you think you can handle including attacks on your mental health and suggestions that you’re an unfit mother, if he can try it in with the suggestion you’ve hit him loads of times there’s pretty much no limit to what is going to come out of his disgusting mouth over the near future. Don’t let it get to you. Don’t back down. Don’t relinquish any non mil order you get. Don’t retract any statements. Don’t listen to any friends who approach you to tell you how sorry he is. Don’t get all rosy lenses about the good times.

You did the right thing.

There's a line and he crossed it.

Also, google ‘cycle of abuse’ he’s ‘hoovering’ right now.

It’s better the relationship ends then you being subjected to abuse and violence. Usually, the level of violence increases so you’ve done the right thing.
Take care of yourself always.

Call the police. If he's trying to claim you've hit him, he might lie and say that to others, including authorities. You need to get what he's done on record for the future.

Once someone has done this they'll most likely do it again. It's rarely a one off. Even if you don't believe you have done the right thing for yourself you have to protect your child. So you have done the right thing. Stay strong. You are brave and won't regret this.

I don’t know what to do with myself and I’ve just ended my relationship, haven’t I?

No. HE just ended the relationship. Stay strong.

His default action was to blame you. He won't change... Ever.

Doing chores now is the shitty way out. Its not good that he's finally learnt how to empty the dishwasher. He's staying out of the way and will presumably want praise??

Why hasn't he come to you and verbally apologised, checked you're OK, talked to you? He'd still be a rat and I'd still ask him to leave but I would at least begin to believe that he understood the gravity of what he had done. Instead, he blames you. He's a dick.