Does your DH look after you when you are unwell?

[dinosaurrisotto]

I have a hideous cold/flu virus at the moment. Nothing serious but my temperature is raging, i'm aching, generally feeling crap. It's made me realise that my husband NEVER asks how i'm feeling when i'm ill, doesn't offer to get things for me etc. In fact he swings between indifference and annoyance. Is this normal? We have DC and he did make them breakfast this morning (nearly always my job) and took one to a party. But this is caring for DC and not me. I often get migraines so perhaps he's just fed up with it, but there is little affection in our marriage and it's times like these that remind me of that fact.

Yep, same here OP.

Every 15 minutes I get an "aren't you feeling better yet" so I just take to my bed and keep out of his way.

Sorry op but my dh is awesome and yours sounds rather less so.
I've been quite ill for a large part of this year. Dh has been with me to myriad hospital appointments, done the lion's share of housework and cooking, plus regularly rearranges his work schedule to ensure dc can be dropped off/picked up from school. Although that could be argued to be not looking after me exactly, it does take a massive weight off obviously and makes me feel a bit better.
He's pretty hot on sending me off to bed when I'm putting a brave face on and not wanting to admit that's exactly where I need to be. When I'm there he will bring snacks and drinks, at meal times he'll offer me mine on a tray rather than coming down. He also sends me daft Internet cartoons and news links and things he thinks will interest me.

Leaves me to watch crap tv in bed and brings me drinks etc. Goes shopping and buys all the stuff I want.
Not particularly cuddly or sympathetic but I usually want to just be left to it so that’s fine.
Kids are grown up though so not too much to do.

Yes, he’s lovely. He looks after me all the time.

Yes I feel like death right now and he’s doing everything for me

DH looks after the children, cooks the meals, sorts the laundry, gets the children out so the house in nice and quiet. He is kind and checks up on me periodically, washes any sick bowls, helps me to shower, brings hot water bottles, drinks, toast etc.

He's wonderful.

I had an exbf who couldn't be arsed to give me (weak, fever) a lift to the GP for a problem he was part responsible for. He preferred to do his hobbies. One of the main reasons I subsequently dumped him.

I had an ex fiancé from about 12 years ago dump me when I was recovering from surgery for endometriosis. The operation was a bit more drastic than had been planned, then I got an infection so was very poorly for 6 weeks. Ex fiancé decided that I wasn't giving him enough attention (funny that!!) so decided to find someone who would. He was on OLD before he had even finished with me. Got a few dates lined up and kicked me out of our house.
Ex husband expects me to carry on as normal with a cold. When I broke my hip apparently I was exaggerating and he thought I was attention seeking when I said that I needed an ambulance because I couldn't stand. When he gets man flu he acts as if he terminally ill and expected me to wait on him hand and foot.
My cat is very sympathetic when I'm ill. I am also making sure that I train my young son up to be nice to his future GF's/wife whenever she is unwell.

My DH is really good when I'm ill. I have chronic pain and some days can't do much or might have to cancel stuff at short notice. He's never been even remotely irritated by this and always accommodates my health needs. He'll make endless cups of tea, is a bit less good at meals, but will do toast and jam

I had a serious health scare this year and it wasn't until we knew it wasn't anything really bad that he confessed how worried he'd been. I'd cried on him and shared all my fears and he'd just been there for me, even if I woke in the middle of the night worrying.

My first husband was a complete pig if I was ill, so it was something I paid particular attention to second time round. Hope you feel much better soon OP

Another one here who'se dh (now an ex dh) treated me like a broken domestic appliance. :(

Definitely a sign that all is not well.

Yeah he goes all out. I was off work sick for a few weeks and he bought sky movies package for me. He’s very kind hearted and puts my exes to shame

My dh is very good when I’m ill, I’m actually saddened and suprised how many ladies here have partners that don’t I thought it was the norm.
My dh will won’t go all out and scrub the house top to bottom as I do but he will hoover and make sure it’s tidy.
He will also make me tea and make sure I’ve had something to eat.

If I text DP to say it's been a crappy late shift (finishing 11pm ) I will often come home to find a hot cup of tea with my pjs wrapped around a hot water bottle in bed. Even if I'm not poorly. This is one area he's amazing. If I'm tired he'll send me off to bed without any fuss and finish clearing up/sort kids etc. He also regularly gets up earlier than necessary to make me a travel mug of coffee for my commute along with lining up things like keys/wallet/work pass etc so I don't have to rush round looking for it all in the morning. I never ask him for this or expect it. Sometimes I sneak out the bedroom just to try not wake him as I feel bad. I'm lucky in this area.

DH looks after me - he will go out to get any
Medicines or lozenges etc that I need, prop me up with pillows, make me hot water bottles and food... he doesn’t fuss or constantly ask how I am but he does make me feel looked after and like I can ask for anything I want/need/go to bed/nap etc.
I don’t think what you’re describing is normal to be honest

I'm not going to lie but when I have a cold I'm a complete pity party and very much "Woe is me". I get pretty bad sinitus every time and and want to curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself. My DP will go to the shop for me and get my cold supplies, all the cuddles I want/need and pretty much if I want any specific food he will go get it for me even if it means nipping out to the shops and will sort out any things I usually cover if I'm too ill to do it myself. He's very supportive and if I want to watch crappy things he will watch them with me.

I do my best when he is the one not feeling well because that is how it's supposed to be.

I'm sorry for all of you who's partners and husbands get annoyed at you etc especially when you have kids. I don't have kids myself but can imagine it's not fun finding it hard to breath and just wanting to sulk but having to chase after toddlers or make sure older kids are fed and have clean cloths etc and tidy up after them.

No DH is fab if I'm ill. He doesn't fuss but does look after me and just gets on with taking over my jobs.

Yes. He used to keep the DC quiet when they were younger so that I could sleep and now brings me lemsip in bed!

My DH is very nurturing when I’m ill, which is one of the ‘when the chips are down’ things I really love him for. He’ll give me my space (I’m a grumpy sick person) but make sure I’ve got tea, water, medicine and pop to the shops to get me whatever treat I feel like. He also 100% steps up with D.C. and housework. I do the same for him, too.

I think it says a lot about someone, really. If your closest person can’t take care of you when you’re ill that’s pretty sad.

Hope you feel better soon, OP .

My fiance is brilliant. I suffer with pain all of the time currently and he does everything he can support me. Even if I don't want anything other than a hug then thats what I get. I also do everything I can to support him.

No he doesn't and I know that isn't right, in my view this is not how a normal loving relationship should be. But we clearly have different ideas of what a loving and supportive relationship should be like. I take the line, as with many things, that if this is his level of expectation then that is what is reciprocated. I am often left wondering if my expecations are too high, easily tested when you don't reciprocate!

Your DH sounds like an ass.
My DP is caring. He will make sure I get a lot of sleep and make sure I have fluids/food and constantly check on me.

Tbh, thinking about it he is quite caring on a day to day basis. He always makes me drinks. 90% of the time dinner.

I don't know you at all, you're a complete stranger.

If you were ill in my spare room I'd make you cups of tea and check a couple of times a day if you wanted anything to eat, and if you were warm enough, etc.

Partner is amazing.

Will stay awake to make sure im ok when im sleeping.

Makes me drinks / food / buys me snacks.

Expects me to do nothing.

Iv got a good one....

Thanks all. I'll be fine in a day or two, just feeling sorry for myself. My 6 year old just bought me the sick bowl (I'm not sick!) so someone cares!

I'm a SAHP so wonder if it's because i'm taken for granted. I do everything around the house in terms of domestic drudgery, usually at the weekends too, so it's just an inconvenience to him when i'm ill. The house is a tip tonight because i've not been able to do much all weekend, just make sure school uniform is washed etc.

Sorry some of you experience the same treatment. Like PP i do worry about what would happen if i was seriously ill. Like another PP i often get migraines that last days at a time and i'd love nothing more than to wake up to a greasy McDonalds, that actually made me cry!

This behaviour isn't the behaviour of someone who loves and cares for you. I'm so sad to hear there's so many men who think this is ok. I'm ill at the moment, I've not really moved from the sofa this weekend, my husband has brought me medicine, drinks, made all the food, looked after the baby including all the night waking, bedtimes and nappy changes and he's walked the dog and tidied the house. That's normal behaviour, that's what I would do for him if he were sick.

My dad used to none of my partners ever have