To be screamed at while asleep...

[abithecroc]

I have a fiancé and a 2 year old. 2 year old still wakes 2-3 times a night. I'm 10 weeks pregnant. Just finished a 12 hour shift and got in bed, a couple of hours later my fiancé screams at me "you are a selfish cunt" then kicks me in my leg before storming off to get our daughter who had woken up. I didn't hear her wake up. Anyway he tries to settle her then I hear him taking her downstairs and switching all the lights on all the while still calling me every name under the sun. I asked what he was doing? She needs to go to bed. He then says she won't go back down she wants her iPad. To this I then take my little girl upstairs and she is screaming kicking and hitting me wanting her dad. I finally settle her only for him to come upstairs again and take her back down. I do not understand what is going on here. He then shouts at me from downstairs " I'm not doing this on my fucking own" to which I ignore. He is now downstairs with her she's watching her iPad, I'm upstairs sobbing. Everyone in my home hates me. It's 3am what on Earth have I done?

He kicked his pregnant partner and called her a selfish c*?

Do I presume he hasn’t been sweetness and light personified since the day you met, and this is totally out of character?

If he gets that stressed out and abusive now, things are unlikely to improve. He probably genuinely thought you could hear the crying, and thought as he was going to work it was your job, and that you were being lazy. You should discuss his behaviour as it is not acceptable, make sure there are no added problems at work, other than finding extra money for the new addition. His language towards you is discusting and disrespectful, if it happens again kick him out.
You can get through this without him.

Abusive men often escalate their behaviour when their partners are vulnerable, he's showing you who he is, he will fuck up your children, if nothing else leave for their sake.

*Do not stay with this abusive man, you and your children will have a lifetime of misery.

Don’t marry him.
Don’t listen to his minimising of what happened.

Pack your bags, makesure you take birth certificates and passports and anything else important.

Go to your grand mother’s house and phone the police and tell them what happened.

Phone women’s aid, tell them also.

Don’t let him talk you round. If he is a charmer/ manipulator he will try his hardest.

Read Lundy Bancroft book- Why does he do that?

Sign up for the Freedom programme.

I hope you get lots of support.*

and thought as he was going to work it was your job

The irony being she'd just done a shift at work.

When I read your post I was reminded of this creep case where he also attacked his partner in her sleep. He attacked you when you were prone and vulnerable OP, which is particularly aggressive. I can only echo what other posters are saying re. contacting Womens Aid.

Men are more often than not completely in control when they display this type of aggressive behaviour, it's a training method for you to know "your" place. Sometimes calculated, but a lot of them do this with a terrible instinct gleaned from their relationship models when growing up.

Good luck OP, I hope you make that call to WA, I really really do. It's rarely a one off and I had many violent partners throughout the years. Not one of them stopped hitting me once they'd started. Even when I modified my behaviour in an attempt avoid being hit, the violence was still felt.

Abusive men often escalate their behaviour when their partners are vulnerable, he's showing you who he is, he will fuck up your children, if nothing else leave for their sake

^^This.

Sorry, should have added, it's worrying that he has an anger response to the sound of his own daughter crying.

@Oldraver yes he wont have to pay if he is not on birth certificate what evidence is there without him being on there that he is the paternal dad???

@Mermaidsinthesand The default is that he is the dad and he has to pay for a dna test if he refutes.

This behaviour is very big warning sign

@Mermaidsinthesand yes he wont have to pay if he is not on birth certificate what evidence is there without him being on there that he is the paternal dad???

The way it works is that the mum puts in a claim with the CMS and the man is asked to confirm he is the father. If he disputes it then he has to take a DNA test. If it turns out he is the father than he is charged for the DNA test and pays maintenance. If he isn't then he isn't.

Yes DNA test which makes his life easier to go to court to be placed on birth certificate

So OP to avoid his rights will have to pay solely for the unborn child unless she goes down this route risking his involvement

If he wants to go to court he can easily do that. Not claiming maintenance won't make any difference

Thanks all for advice and replies I will respond on the morning. Today's been gruelling and I'm exhausted. Me and DD are ok xx

What is there to talk about to him? He's shown what he's like now. He's hardly going to say 'I'm going to carry on verbally and physically abusing you' is he? He'll just lie and say it won't happen again.

Or worst case scenario- he could kick off if you mention it. Bloke is dangerous- please leave as soon as he's not around xxx

abithecroc hope you are at your mum's with DD and that she is giving you some TLC.

Hope you're ok Op

I hope you’re ok op.

I’m reading this because I can’t sleep and it’s reminded me of when my eldest was a newborn and my ex got angry in the night because he was crying and tried to take him from me because I ‘didn’t know what I was doing’.. I was attempting to breastfeed!

He left me for another woman while I was pregnant with my second and it was the best thing he could of done. It was heartbreaking and hard to have my second newborn on my own along with a two year old but that anxiety in my own home about how he would react to me, about arguments, about fights, all gone. And that was worth all of it.

Good luck to you

I hope you are at your mums op. I'm willing to bet that he had already begun the process of isolating you, but you have us and a safe place to go.
You can do this! LTB.

All ok op?? Xx

I hope you are ok op xx

Op, have been thinking about you today, hope you are safe and ok.

Wow this is terrible.
You're pregnant and knackered and got physically and verbally abused because you didnt wake up instantly (which given the situation should surely be his job to deal with anyway, so in my opinion even a grumble wouldn't have been justified).

Your daughter just wanted to be out of bed, I dont know any toddler that would choose going back to bed over iPad time downstairs!

I agree no point in discussing with him as there is absolutely no justification possible for what he did, you just need to get out and stay safe

How are you doing?