To be screamed at while asleep...

[abithecroc]

I have a fiancé and a 2 year old. 2 year old still wakes 2-3 times a night. I'm 10 weeks pregnant. Just finished a 12 hour shift and got in bed, a couple of hours later my fiancé screams at me "you are a selfish cunt" then kicks me in my leg before storming off to get our daughter who had woken up. I didn't hear her wake up. Anyway he tries to settle her then I hear him taking her downstairs and switching all the lights on all the while still calling me every name under the sun. I asked what he was doing? She needs to go to bed. He then says she won't go back down she wants her iPad. To this I then take my little girl upstairs and she is screaming kicking and hitting me wanting her dad. I finally settle her only for him to come upstairs again and take her back down. I do not understand what is going on here. He then shouts at me from downstairs " I'm not doing this on my fucking own" to which I ignore. He is now downstairs with her she's watching her iPad, I'm upstairs sobbing. Everyone in my home hates me. It's 3am what on Earth have I done?

Yes to the PP. don't keep it secret.
I wonder if your 2 year old will magically start sleeping better when not living in a house of simmering anger (on his part)

He's probably sleep deprived as you are too but absolutely no excuse to kick you and scream at you and completely unacceptable. Is this out of character for him?

He is abusive, physically and verbally, and you need to leave him. I would contact Women's Aid and ask for help. I wouldn't talk with him as he will just either deny/blame you. I would leave someone for either kicking me or calling me a cunt, combined, I'd be out of there like a shot, but with support and help. You can then work out what you want to do regarding the pregnancy. Call Women's Aid as he's happy to use your dd as a pawn in his behaviour -she must have been confused and very upset by it all, don't let her grow up in an abusive environment, it will affect her and what she thinks is normal parental behaviour- and this is not it.

OP there is some really good advice on here. Don’t be like me. I listened to his apologies, his excuses, his endless justifications. It got worse. A lot worse.

Please take what we are saying on board. Especially what @mathanxiety and @Mary1935 posted.

Our two yr old wakes up during the night a couple of times too. Usually she'll go back to sleep with a bottle (not great either but..). The iPad is a shit, stupid idea that you don't want to get into, but you know that already its foolish, counterproductive, lazy "parenting" on his part. Even reading a couple of books would be better.

Aside from that the kicking you because you didn't wake up and go and deal with your toddler, while pregnant and having worked a long shift (how dare you, how dare you make him get up is abusive, and the venting, shouting, calling you names etc (bad enough alone,even worse in hearing if child) us abusive.

Seems like you need to get sorted to leave ; because how is this going to get any better with a newborn on top of the toddler??!!

That's going to be much worse, and he can't (doesn't want to) step up and treat you decently as it is.

Anger management classes - why??? Is he like this at work, or if someone annoys him in a bar? Does he kick them and call them abusive names? If not, then he is perfectly able to 'manage' his anger, and uses it on you. This is a horrible atmosphere for you, for your unborn baby, and for your two year old. It's really damaging for you all, and could escalate in intensity and frequency.

Hope you take the good advice on this thread and ensure your safety.

Massive red flag waving there OP. Waking someone like that is horrific, and don't underplay it. It was abusive.

Don't listen to his bullshit, just get yourself and your DD away. Why she should have to listen to an adult screaming because she woke up? Her home should be her safe space.

This relationship should be over and is infact over because he is abusive towards you (and in turn the two year old child). Go to your grandma's today and stay there. Abuse like you describe often ramps up in pregnancy.

Do not continue to show your child such an appalling example of a relationship. What do you want to teach her about relationships and what is she learning here from you two?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up.

Seek support also from Womens Aid and do not accept any "apologies" from him. This abuse of you is ALL on him and its not your fault.

You can certainly talk to him, and anyone normal would want to try before separating from the father of their child, soon to ve children ... But this is pretty nasty behaviour. And behind it seems to be an opinion that this is all your responsibility. Anyone decent would consider that you're pregnant, working etc and give you some consideration. (In fact anyone decent would share the wakings even if their partner wasn't pregnant and working) ... Instead he's kicking you and shouting at you etc because you didn't wake/get up. It's hard to imagine his that level of entitlement and nastiness etc is going to be resolved. Clearly it's in his character

Seems like you could be back.at this, bit worse, when new baby arrives. Af least if you're separated you'd only have the dress if kids, not him on too.

How you're going to stop him from doing stupid shit like the iPad when he's got your toddler though, I don't know. I know I hug who's done this and it took til 5 or more for the child to sleep half way normally.

Oh not the old AM chestnut again!.

AM courses are NO answer to domestic violence which is what this is.

He does not have an anger management problem because he can in all likelihood control himself properly around people in the outside world. Such people as well tend also to be quite plausible to those in the outside world too.

This man has a problem with anger, your anger, when you call him out on his unreasonable behaviours.

*stress of the kids, not him on top.

*I know a man who's done this

It's pointless talking to him - he has verbally and physically abused you. Pack some stuff, go to your grandma with your DD and then work on building a calm environment with a good sleep routine and a lot less iPad. Your DD is 2 - night waking is pretty normal at this age, they're going through separation anxiety. It passes. Your partner on the other hand is an abusive piece of shit and won't change - except for the worse.

Oh not the old AM chestnut again!.

This was also raised in the thread with the op's plausible, charming, respected male friend who'd beaten his partner up (and not for the first time) .. he doesnt best up anyone but the (foreign) woman living with him, everyone else thinks he's wonderful, but somehow its an anger problem and he needs AN.

*beat up
*AM

Do not stay with this disgusting man.
Do you realise he is not only physically abusive to you, he is also abusing your poor 2 year old DD.

She really will be one mixed up and insecure child if you stay with him.

Really sorry this has happened to you OP. As you’re not married, you don’t need to put him down on the birth certificate for your second child. Go to grandma’s with your dd, it’s got to be over after that behaviour from him, there’s no coming back from that sadly.

How many times have there been episodes like this?

Would he have thought it was ok if you screamed at and kicked him if he hadn't woken up? I am sure there have been many times when you've woken and dealt with your DD without him waking. Maybe remind him of those. Personally, I would tell him that you are so disgusted by his treatment of his pregnant partner you and DF are going to sleep at your Mum's tonight. Then speak to him tomorrow and if he is not truly apologetic and accepting of how wrong he was I would reassess the future of the relationship.

OP, don't fret about the ipad. Tech will be part of her life, she might as well be familiar with it from the start.

Definitely talk when dd is with grandma but keep an eye on your own safety. I'm glad you can go to your mum if you have to. Please don't consider any further involvement with this angry, brutal bully who wants to hurt the mother of his children.

Good luck.

the only thing you should be saying to him is... GET OUT

Please dont think because your not married he has no rights to be on birth certificate. Yes you are within your rights to not put him on but he can go to court to be put on.

You need to log domestic violence to stand a chance of the courts seeing he is incapable of having visiting rights. Be assured that if he is not on the birth certificate he is not liable to pay.

Mn always makes things out to be so easy LTB end of whilst you should leave yes that is a must you also have to consider the long term problems you may face so planning now will make this easier for you.

Be assured that if he is not on the birth certificate he is not liable to pay.

Absolute rubbish, of course he has to pay if he is on the certificate or not

God love you, that's disgusting behaviour from him. We all get tired and might say something we regret but not to the extent he took it.

What was he doing while you were working 12 hours ? I'll assume having a normal evening, the chance for him to go to bed early. So he got some sort of sleep. Whereas you didn't.

Did he expect you to get up with your dd after 12 hours working and 10 weeks pregnant? Any one else would take these things into consideration and be wanting to not disturb you and do all in their power to settle the toddler.

Your dd wanted her dad as he was giving her the iPad, you were not, she was going back to sleep with you, which is the right thing to do. Of course she is going to want dad.

The name calling and the Kick !! Not on at all. This is serious stuff. You really do need to think this all through seriously.

Protect your daughter if not yourself.