Not allowing ex partner to stay in my bed?

[FakeTurtle]

Might recognise me from past posts but I don't have many people to talk to.
I ended up leaving with our new baby to stay at my dad's because my ex was violent with me. I came back under the agreement he would stay in the spare room.
He wanted to have the baby overnight I more than agreed but he said he would only do it if he could stay in the bedroom not the spare one.
I don't feel like I should let him do that because we had terms that we agreed to. I brought this up to him and he started ranting (verbally abusive) until almost 4am in the morning. He eventually took baby and him to the spare room but baby was crying a lot and he started shouting saying stuff about me being a slag and a nasty bitch from the spare room. Then he stormed in the bedroom with baby and left him in here going on about how much he hates me.
He's made me feel like I have been completely unreasonable for not letting him be in the bedroom with baby even though the spare room option was completely available (apparently its not safe because the bed is so low down). I don't know what to do anymore, am I being unreasonable so I can put a stop to this unbearable situation?

Go back to your dad’s?

There is no way I would be leaving my baby crying while my partner shouted at me.

You need to kick him out. He clearly isn't going to change.

Oh my God you should never have gone back! Take the baby and leave...today...asap!

Do NOT let him have that baby overnight. Not once.

Report him to the police for threatening you and for verbal abuse.

Phone WOMEN"S AID.

GO BACK TO YOUR DAD"S.

Why on earth did you go back to a violent man?

If you don't own that house, then you need to get yourself and your dc to safety

He is never ever going to change. Your life is at risk. your DC life is at risk.

You know this. come on (((hug)))

do what you gotta do - get the fuck outta there

Why did you go back? LEAVE!

He isn't safe to be around either of you. Don't be bullied into allowing contact. Let a judge decide if he is suitable to have unsupervised with your dd. Keep well away op.

You need to leave him, and properly this time.

Oh OP, please go back to your dad's and never return to that shit of a man.

You need to move back out and this time do not go back!

Wtf did you go back. Move out and stick to it

I don't know what to do anymore 😔 He would never ever hurt the baby. When he was violent it was just grabbing me by the face, holding me down to the bed while shouting.
He has mental health issues (he lost a baby previously and his mum abandoned him at a young age) and when the health visitor came today he was crying and she agreed that he needed some help. Social workers are involved because of what's going on.
I can't even talk to him anymore without it turning into an argument because everything's my fault and I'm punishing him for having mental health problems. I feel all I have done is compromise I've just drawn the line at the bedroom which I don't think is unreasonable.
I can't stay at my dad's because he won't let me take baby out of this flat by myself. It's just such an unhealthy situation for the both of us and baby as well.

Darling, he's ALREADY hurting the baby. Shouting at you...threatening and scaring you...that all affects children. Even babies. The first three years are vitally important for them. Being in violent and aggressive environments sets them back.

HIS issues are not yours. Nor your baby's.

You HAVE to leave for your child's sake. CALL WOMEN'S AID. If he stops you leaving the house, call the police. Where is he right now?

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

See that link? That's Women's AId's Live Chat area. Go there.

Erghhh yes you can leave with the baby and go to your dads. Get your dad or someone to come round whilst you pack your things. Sounds like you both don't work?

How do you know he won't hurt the baby? He's exposing the baby to abusive behaviour already.
Pack your stuff and leave. If he stops you call the police. Seriously just leave. Nobody here will advise you to stay.

Please please please leave! Him being abusive towards you is abusive towards your child. If you don't leave there is a very real chance that social services will consider you unable to prioritise your child's needs. Accept all help to leave this abusive situation.

Areyouafraid Don't comment on her work situation...or his. It's irrelevant. And don't assume she can leave...he could be in the other room. Her Dad might be elderly.

Is he in the house right now OP?

I came back under the agreement he would stay in the spare room.

That was never ging to go well. No matter where he sleeps, you are back under the same roof with the perpetrator of domestic violence against you.

I don't know what to do anymore, am I being unreasonable so I can put a stop to this unbearable situation?
The ONLY way you are being unreasonable is by giving this horrioble man another second of your time.
The ONLy way you can put a stop to his unbearable behaviour is by moving back out again - TODAY.

Can you go back to your dad's, at least short term? From there, you & baby will be safe, & you can start planning a life without shouting, violence & rage in it.

He's not at work today and I'm currently on maternity leave (baby is just under 2 months old). I can try and go to my dad's tonight when my dad finishes work because he will need to be there because there is no way I could leave by myself with baby. The last time I left with baby he said he went down to the docks and was going to jump, whose to say that won't happen again?

'JUST grabbing me by the face...' OP, that use of just has broken my heart.

You do not deserve this. You are being abused. If you stay your child will grow up thinking the abuse of women is normal. His tears are a manipulation. He is shouting at your baby.

You need to leave, today.

He would never ever hurt the baby. His behaviour is hurting the baby.

@FakeTurtle suicide threads are a classic form of emotional abuse. If he hurts himself that is not your problem, he is currently choosing to hurt you and the baby and will continue to do so. He will not change.

My ex partner threatened suicide and self harm when I went to leave him and his absolute control over my life. I finally left and guess what, he didn't kill himself - why?! Because he couldn't try and control me if he was dead.

I can't stay at my dad's because he won't let me take baby out of this flat by myself.

WHAT???

So he has kidnapped you & the baby, & you are on mumsnet asking whether YOU are being unreasonable?

Wake up. He HAS hurt you, he cannot control his temper around the baby, he is vile to you & you do not need him. Text your dad to come & get you asap. If dad is not around, call the police.

Your not responsible for another persons actions. It's all empty threats!