Not allowing ex partner to stay in my bed?

[FakeTurtle]

Might recognise me from past posts but I don't have many people to talk to.
I ended up leaving with our new baby to stay at my dad's because my ex was violent with me. I came back under the agreement he would stay in the spare room.
He wanted to have the baby overnight I more than agreed but he said he would only do it if he could stay in the bedroom not the spare one.
I don't feel like I should let him do that because we had terms that we agreed to. I brought this up to him and he started ranting (verbally abusive) until almost 4am in the morning. He eventually took baby and him to the spare room but baby was crying a lot and he started shouting saying stuff about me being a slag and a nasty bitch from the spare room. Then he stormed in the bedroom with baby and left him in here going on about how much he hates me.
He's made me feel like I have been completely unreasonable for not letting him be in the bedroom with baby even though the spare room option was completely available (apparently its not safe because the bed is so low down). I don't know what to do anymore, am I being unreasonable so I can put a stop to this unbearable situation?

Well done op. I'd suggest you make a new email address that you give him for contact about the child then block him from your phone and any social media.
Tell him you will only accept contact about the child via the email address and any other form of contact is harassment and you'll go to the police.
You really need to stick with this now. Imagine the heartbreak of having your bay removed due to him. It's a real possibility.

Well done OP.
You don't have to engage with your ex-P.
He can go through the court system if he wants.
Make sure you get advice about logging all of the domestic abuse incidents so there is a record if he does ever do this.

Send him a message advising he communications via a solicitor. Then block him for now.
You need some time without his abuse..

OP you have made the right decision. Well done for putting you and your daughter first.

Don't answer the phone to him. Block him and make a police report about all the violence.

DO NOT discuss contact with your baby.

Don't talk to him. You can work on a restraining order once you have reported him to the police....then he can't try to get access to your child.

Drabarni um, I'm not really sure what to do now. I'm not sure I've ever seen a gracious and sensitive reply on an anonymous forum before, what's the protocol?

dreichwinter yes, you're right that the priority is the baby's safety. It's also true that there are more options between doing nothing and calling SS (if you know the person in real life).

OP, I'm so pleased you left tonight, congratulate yourself heartily. Please mute your ex's messages or block his number, you really need some peace from his constant awful noise.

I'm so relieved for you and your baby. Well done and try not to let yourself get manipulated into going back there.

@MsPotterPepper that isn't helpful at all.

You're right, it probably isn't. I apologise.

Well done OP, I know how hard that was for you. You're so brave. Get some rest and then tomorrow contact Women's Aid and discuss this with them. Let them support you to stay safe. If your ex comes to your dad's property please immediately dial 999. Explain that you have a baby and are frightened of your abusive ex who is harassing you. Then wait for the police.

I know this is frightening but you're going to be ok.

OP I’ve recently contacted women’s aid and they were wonderful.

I think you can phone tonight? Check on your dads computer.

I think it would help as your Ex might be trying to contact you. You need good advice. Your and babies safety is number one so I imagine they’d say turn your phone to silent, phone the police is any threats, get your Dad to lock doors.

Fair enough @Dutch1e, as a social worker type this seemed one of rare examples on Mumsnet of people saying social services should be involved where I could see it being both sensible and a good idea.

I know domestic abuse workers and CP SW's often have a different focus. But ultimately they usually want the same things.

Get your dad to escort you out.

Let him fucking jump.

You need to leave and co-operate with children services / HV etc as otherwise you will be seen to be not safeguarding the baby and this could result in removal if you continue to go back to him.

Go to women's aid. Please.

Stray strong. What you've done is incredibly brave and absolutely the right thing. You must bear NO GUILT. Do not be tempted to read any of his messages. You and your baby can now have some rest in a peaceful and safe environment.

Thanks for letting us know you're safe. Well done on leaving, I know it must have been hard and frightening, so give yourself a pat on the back!

I won't repeat what everyone else has said, but I am in agreement.

I hope you sleep well tonight (if baby allows it!).

Please do not feel guilty, your obligation is to your baby, not your ex.

OP eventually you are going to lose your baby if you stay. The social workers aren't going to leave the baby in a house where the mum is being physically and mentally abused.

Get support from womens aid and leave asap!

Sorry op I didn't see you are safe! That is great.

Well done, OP.

Do not let him near that precious mite unless it's supervised access.

Well done op. Tell your dad under no circumstances to let you go back to him. Block his number. Maybe even give your phone to your dad for a while so your not tempted to reply to messages etc.. better yet change your number.

I know domestic abuse workers and CP SW's often have a different focus. But ultimately they usually want the same things.

Very true.

As you have some insight into the UK system what, if any, difference would it make if someone in OPs position placed a call to SS themselves asking for support (as opposed to an independent party calling SS "on her" if you see what I mean)?

OP, thinking of you this morning and hoping you had a little rest.

I'm so glad that you and baby are at your Dad's.

Just got to get ready for endless guilt tripping from my ex.

Please block him on everything. It doesn't have to be permanently. But do it for at least a couple of weeks to give your head some space and to let the fog clear.

Please also contact local agencies and social services to update them and tell them exactly what you posted in your OP.

@Dutch1e it is always better to contact social care for yourself rather than be "reported", although lots of referrals from professionals are done at the request of parents or with their full support.
There is a difference between child protection and family support, although austerity means that family support is nothing like it should be.
OP Contacting social care and stating you have left an abusive partner to protect your dc and are looking for possible practical assistance might be a good move.
Talk to woman's aid first, they should know what to do for the best locally.

Thanks dreichwinter and appreciate that the different between child protection & family support is an important one.