starting to resent partner over finance struggles

[Ace15]

Hi I am looking for some advice on my current situation. I am a single parent to a son who doesn't see his father nor do I receive child support from him for my son. I have been with my current partner for two years who lives in my mortgaged house with me and my son. My partner and I both work full time jobs. I am struggling financially falling behind on bills etc and after many discussions my partner agreed to pay me 200 pounds dig money towards bills which does not even cover half of utilities never mind mortgage. He believes that because the mortgage is in my name he shouldn't pay towards it. He moved into my house on the same day I did and I was responsible for all decorations and furnishings on my own as it (isn't his house). I am responsible for paying my sons childcare and clothing etc on top of the majority of the bills and I feel I am starting to resent my partner for watching me struggle so much. When we are out for lunch or dinner or day trips he still expects me to pay half of the meal or petrol etc also.
I try to put the situation to the back of my mind and try to survive as though I am still a single mum even tho I am not. The issue seems to come back to light regularly and it is making me resent my partner and I was just looking for some advice am I wrong to think he should support me more financially? Even if he does not want to pay towards the mortgage should he be supporting me with my sons clothes childcare etc as he has chosen to take him on as his own?

Is he paying rent?

So he was living with you for free, and he's now paying £200 a month?

OMG! That's the king of the cocklodgers you've got there OP. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Has he got a massive knob?

If I was in a relationship with someone who watched me struggle without offering to help I don’t think I’d be in that relationship for long.

Does he live with you full time? What about food? What would be a fair rent for a house share where you live? You could get single person council tax if he moved out.

I’m sorry your sons father isn’t paying you anything. It sounds like men are taking advantage of you.

Wake up to yourself OP, you are allowing this man to take treats away from your child, if you did not need to provide the extra for light, heat and bills that this jackass generated in YOUR home you could use that money to treat your child.

If he was living solo he would have to pay his own rent and bills, chuck him out and the good news is that he didn't contribute to your mortgage so he has no claim to your house.

This is so far out of line I don't know where to begin.
He lives in your house, wherever he lives he will have to pay rent and bills, regardless of who has the mortgage. That is not negotiable, it is the way it is. If he moved out somewhere else (which by the way I would insist on) his overheads are going to be far higher.

He either thinks this is fair, in which case he lacks any basic intelligence or he is taking the piss out of you.

This is not about him supporting you financially, if you put it like that then he would likely think it is unreasonable (it isn't, but he might take that position), this is about him paying his way.
This is about him paying for his share of the bills (at the very very least 30-40% as there is 3 of you but really I feel 50% is fair) and paying his share of the rent/mortgage which I would ask for the going rate on, so whatever he would have to pay locally in a flat share he should pay to you.

If he refuses to pay his share I don't see that you will ever respect him, you will grow to resent him more and eventually it will break up the relationship. But he'll be ok, he'll have squirrelled away thousands of pounds he never paid for his upkeep. You on the other hand will likely be stuck with debts.

Lay down the law, for the good of the relationship.

What the actual fuck!
Why are you putting up with this?
He is a cocklodger of the highest order.
Get him gone.
Right now!
He brings nothing to your life.
He is dragging you down financially.
This is impacting on your DS.
Don't allow that!
You do NOT need a man!!!!
Get rid and focus on you and your DS - NOT a freeloading, cheeky fucker arsehole!
Get your priorities right OP - RIGHT NOW!

@Ace15 fair enough if he doesn’t want to contribute to the mortgage if the property is in your name, charge him a market rate rent instead.

If he refuses he’s clearly taking you for a ride (and not the fun kind)

@CalmFizz - it must be something. Maybe it's solid gold and diamond encrusted?????

So he’s been living with you paying nothing?

He should pay for his share of utilities plus reasonable rent rent.

If you had a spare bedroom I would turn him out and look for a lodger.

In the nicest way possible op, do you think there’s a pattern in the type of men you end up with? After the father of your child turned out to be a waste of space who contributes zero, what made you attracted to this bloke?

Why have you even allowed this to happen? My partner moved in to my house in September. We go half on EVERYTHING, even my daughter childcare bills as I lost tax credit money when he moved in.

Tell him to pay half towards the bills/mortgage or he have to leave. You should be thinking about your son.

This has made me so angry! He is taking this complete and utter piss out of you! Who the fuck thinks they can live rent free as an adult?? Kick him out now.

What about the food shopping, OP? Does the £200/month include his meals?

Jesus H. Christ. You should be starting to get seriously angry, not starting to get resentful. Get rid of this dead weight and the financial struggle will cease.

Why doesn't your sons bio dad pay maintenance?
If you have your reasons then fair enough.
If you are depriving your son for pride or anything similar then that is not OK.
Does his dad work?
If so then you can go to CMS and start a case and get your son the support money he deserves.
It is not up to your partner to support your DS. It is up to his own father!

Hang on, what exactly was he paying before he started paying the £200? Anything towards food, council tax, phone, TV etc? Personally I wouldn't want him directly contributing to the mortgage as I wouldn't want him having any claim over it, but he should be paying some kind of board on top of his share of all the bills etc. I wouldn't expect him to contribute towards your son, but watching you struggle while he is quids in makes him a bit of an *hole IMO. It does sound like he's a cocklodger OP, sorry

What a CF!!!

Sort this out OP, set rent and bills payment today. If he doesn’t cough up he should have his bags packed by the weekend.

The person you are living with is basically exploiting you for free accommodation and getting away with it. I feel very angry on your behalf! If he had to rent or buy a property for himself, what would that equate to? Why does he think it's your responsibility to house him because it's your name on the mortgage? You have another dependent there, as well as your son.

I would be working out how much it costs to house him i.e. half the mortgage and half the bills and present that figure to him as his living expenses? I would also be looking into some sort of legal agreement with him so that he can't make a claim on your house in future if you were to split up. This is not a relationship but a convenience for him and his attitude to money is appalling. Your resentment is fully justified but you need to take action to stop this exploitation.

He should either be put on the mortgage and be half responsible or he should be paying you rent.

He is totally taking the piss and you need to sort it our ASAP

Actually, having re-read your first post you need to get rid of him.
This isn't just about the mortgage. He is a twat who is happy to see you financially struggle with a young child so he can sponge off you.

You deserve so much better

Kick him out

He's taking the piss, massively.

Also, another thing to consider is the fact that he is there too probably means that you are unable to claim any help from tax credits or universal credits, so you're losing out there too. Even if it was just help with the cost of childcare you'd probably be better off. What does he actually bring to the relationship?

He moved into the house on the same day that you did, and yet he's only just started paying you £200? And that was after 'many discussions'? What is he doing with all the money from his own full-time job OP?

I don't even know where to begin with this, but I suspect that as it's taken 2 years for him to get himself into this cosy arrangement, he's not going to give it up easily. There's the 'cocklodger' decription that fits, 'financial abuser' does as well.

He needs to pay rent to YOU and half the utility bills. If he can't even do that then kick him out. Do not put him on the mortgage