starting to resent partner over finance struggles

[Ace15]

Hi I am looking for some advice on my current situation. I am a single parent to a son who doesn't see his father nor do I receive child support from him for my son. I have been with my current partner for two years who lives in my mortgaged house with me and my son. My partner and I both work full time jobs. I am struggling financially falling behind on bills etc and after many discussions my partner agreed to pay me 200 pounds dig money towards bills which does not even cover half of utilities never mind mortgage. He believes that because the mortgage is in my name he shouldn't pay towards it. He moved into my house on the same day I did and I was responsible for all decorations and furnishings on my own as it (isn't his house). I am responsible for paying my sons childcare and clothing etc on top of the majority of the bills and I feel I am starting to resent my partner for watching me struggle so much. When we are out for lunch or dinner or day trips he still expects me to pay half of the meal or petrol etc also.
I try to put the situation to the back of my mind and try to survive as though I am still a single mum even tho I am not. The issue seems to come back to light regularly and it is making me resent my partner and I was just looking for some advice am I wrong to think he should support me more financially? Even if he does not want to pay towards the mortgage should he be supporting me with my sons clothes childcare etc as he has chosen to take him on as his own?

He needs to be paying rent and 50% bills such as gas, council tax and food . Or he leaves.

And you need to contact the Child Maintenance Service to make a claim for maintenance against your child's father.

This is all money you and most importantly your child are entitled to.

I think I would tell him that it's your turn now, it's half-time time to switch sides... both of you are going to move into his flat and you're going to rent out your house so that you can earn some extra money
See how he likes them apples

And you are not asking him to 'support you more financially'. You are asking him to make a fair contribution to your household. A previous poster is right - he is profiting from you to pay off his mortgage. He's probably saving for another BTL property while he sponges off you and your child.

I can't emphasise that last bit enough. He is taking money FROM YOUR CHILD.

This man is a very long way away from being a respectful partner, OP.

I think you need to ask yourself why you're accepting such selfish, mean and greedy behaviour from him.

He's living a great life where he gets to spend his money as he likes and looks on as you finance him living with you! You need to get a grip of yourself here, OP, and stop being such a mug.

He buys his own food?
Do you not sit down and eat as a family?

He hoenstly puts his hand out for half the petrol, food etc if you go out together?

It doesn't sound like much of a partnership op. Does he help around the house etc?

Why doesn't your son's Dad pay maintenance?

There's no excuse for him not paying towards utilities, and he should be paying something by way of rent. If he doesn't want to, there's another two beds he can go to

How much extra money would you have at your disposal if he wasn't there?

My student DD pays £200 a month!

How much would a room in a house share cost him? A lot more than that I bet.

OP get rid....tight is such a horrible quality in anyone.
If he's so intent on being fair he can pay you standard rent and bills.
Eugh......get rid now -and no he doesnt need to support you, HE NEEDS TO PAY HIS WAY

Jesus christ this has given me the rage. Why are you allowing this guy to sponge off you? He is in no way respectful, he a tightarse and a massive piss-taker. I'd be showing the CF the door.

Cannot believe you are putting up with this OP, you are basically keeping this man to the detriment of your child. If he doesn't want to contribute a realistic amount TO HIS OWN living costs you need to get rid. Don't be a doormat.

OMG!!! OP why are you putting up with this?
It turns into an argument because that deflects from his shittines and makes you feel like not discussing it for fear of making him angry! He's controlling you!
Get rid!
His attitude stinks, he's not living with you as a partner! Buying his own food, asking for petrol money isn't the sign of someone living with you as a partner.
Please wake up and see this for what it is. If you continue to struggle financially, you'll get into debt and may lose your home.
This prat is using you. Get him out!

This has made me so angry! He is taking this complete and utter piss out of you! Who the fuck thinks they can live rent free as an adult?? Kick him out now.

Agreed... kick his cheap skate arse back to mommy dearest.

Where would he go if you told him to move out? Because he'd have to pay something somewhere.

Tot fucking scum - he is taking food out of your child's mouth. Kick his mean arse back to his mum - bet she was bloody glad to get rid of him. Look after your own OP - this wanker is taking the piss.

OP wake up his is costing you more than he is giving you and you dont get any benefit

He needs to give you money or he walks - put your child first

Sounds like you're so desperate for a man you'll dress up shit with glitter and convince yourself it's good for you despite its smell.....

Freeloader. Landscape gardeners can be pretty well paid, don't fall for it. Pay up or ship out time. Why do you not get maintenance for your ds though? Did you calculate your finances on basis of your own income or assume partner would contribute. How is £200 half utilities that seems steep.

This is insane. He shouldn't pay rent as its paying towards the mortgage that isn't his? So by his logic no one in rented accommodation should pay the mortgage because it's not their house and they shouldn't have to pay towards it!

A decent person and partner does not sit back and enjoy their money or build up savings while watching their partner struggle, especially when they earn the same.

It's simple OP he either pays you rent plus half the communal bills or a fair proportion (eg the difference in counci tax for a single adult, half the electric and gas and water etc) or he leaves. I am not sure the relationship can recover though as even if he pays it seems like he will begrudge being fair

And you know exactly where he'll go back living when you come to your senses and throw him out. Mummy will most likely have him until the next victim.
Op he's a right right arse he's basically telling you he's not parting with his hard earned cash for you. Spending all his time with you is not a redeeming feature. Someone who goes out drinking once or twice a month but contributes to a healthy emotionally and financially healthy relationship is 1000x better than a clingy money sponge, think of the poor example you're setting your ds.

I had to laugh at your OP when you advised he pays you ‘dig’ money. Are you his DM? Doesn’t he realise he should be paying his way. He isn’t renting a bloody room. You need to open your eyes and recognise he is taking you for a fool. Your struggling and he gives you dig money and buys his own food. He sounds like a lodger

OP, you need to:

i) go to CSA for maintenance from your ex
ii) work out the total cost of all utilities, and split it 50:50. Your DP needs to pay his half, no arguments.
iii) figure out the current average rent for the area, and maybe reduce it a little if you feel generous. Your DP needs to pay something for rent - why does he think he gets to live for free?

Does he do half the housework? If not, he needs to start.

...Or he can move out. His choice.

I was angry on your behalf before I read your update, @Ace15.

He owns his own flat and is making a little extra on it over the rent yet he is royally taking the piss out of you (and by extension, your son) with his piss poor £200 "contributon" per month.

I'm so angry that writing it down would probably get me deleted. Take @hellsbellsmelons post and do exactly what she says, all expenses from the bills to the council tax to the benfits/tax credits you're missing out on, to the bloody washing powder. He needs to pay HALF of all that, plus rent, AND BLOODY WELL BACK DATE IT FOR THE MONTHS HE WAS LIVING OFF YOU FOR FREE!