starting to resent partner over finance struggles

[Ace15]

Hi I am looking for some advice on my current situation. I am a single parent to a son who doesn't see his father nor do I receive child support from him for my son. I have been with my current partner for two years who lives in my mortgaged house with me and my son. My partner and I both work full time jobs. I am struggling financially falling behind on bills etc and after many discussions my partner agreed to pay me 200 pounds dig money towards bills which does not even cover half of utilities never mind mortgage. He believes that because the mortgage is in my name he shouldn't pay towards it. He moved into my house on the same day I did and I was responsible for all decorations and furnishings on my own as it (isn't his house). I am responsible for paying my sons childcare and clothing etc on top of the majority of the bills and I feel I am starting to resent my partner for watching me struggle so much. When we are out for lunch or dinner or day trips he still expects me to pay half of the meal or petrol etc also.
I try to put the situation to the back of my mind and try to survive as though I am still a single mum even tho I am not. The issue seems to come back to light regularly and it is making me resent my partner and I was just looking for some advice am I wrong to think he should support me more financially? Even if he does not want to pay towards the mortgage should he be supporting me with my sons clothes childcare etc as he has chosen to take him on as his own?

My now ex was doing similar - didn't pay a penny financially for food, bills etc as mortgage was in my name. Nor did he help furnish or clean the house. I even payed for his daughter when she was with us.
I'm financially so much better off without him. Emotionally I am to because I realised he couldn't really love me if he can watch me struggle financially.
I think you need to think what is best for you and dc, what is dp bringing to this relationship and if he wasn't there would you miss him?

Wake up!

Kick him out.

Hi thanks for you replies. Other than the money situation he is a really respectful partner he spends anytime not working with us and dosent go out drinking etc. I wasn't sure if considering ending my relationship over money was selfish on my part. He works as a landscape Gardner and says he can't afford to give me anymore however he is on the same salary as me. He lived with his mum before living with me so therefore was use to just paying dig money. He also buys his own food. He does not buy himself anything with his money either like clothes etc so I think he just resents paying money for anything. He has a flat of his own which he rents out which he is also earning a little extra money on aswell. Everytime I raise the conversation it turns into a argument.

@Ace15 he spends all his time with you using the gas, electric and water you pay for because he's a tight arse.

He needs to pay his fair share.

I'd do a tot up of what you would get in terms of benefits and reduced Council Tax, comparative reduction in bills (food, electricity etc) if he was not there? Does he pay you that much in rent?

End this relationship.

Please do some work on yourself because your bar is set so low on how to be treated you have no idea what a healthy relationship is like at all. I’m assuming your ex was abusive and would even hazard a guess that you had a difficult childhood.

Sorry OP, I don't think he is a respectful partner at all. Watching you struggle whilst building up a nice little nest egg for himself is not respectful. The fact that he's moved from home straight to you and expects the same treatment means you're just a glorified parent to him. Of course YANBU to consider ending the relationship. You need to draw a line in the sand today. He either pays his way or moves out!!

He shouldn't pay your mortgage as that's a protected asset for you but he should be paying 50% of bills and rent. He is indeed a cocklodger.

I would give it one more talk but arm yourself with facts and figures. Ie total cost of all house bills. Go online and get prices for a room in a shared house similar to yours etc. If he still can't see that he is a freeloader then I would get him back to mummy's house.

"Other than the money situation he is a really respectful partner"
"he just resents paying money for anything"
"Everytime I raise the conversation it turns into a argument."

He is not a respectful partner. He is financially abusing you.

OP send him back to his mum, he is not paying his way, owns a flat that he rents out and makes profit on, he is feathering his nest at your expense. One day he will sail off into his future with a fat wallet at the expense of you and your DC, and you will have to pick up the financial pieces then, so might as well start now.

Well don't let it turn into an argument.
He either pays his way properly or he leaves.
You cannot afford to keep housing and supporting him.
You are not his mum and you have your own son to support.
It's that simple.
He either listens and sorts it out or he fucks off back to mummy!
He knows damn well, that if he was to rent, even a room in shared house, he would pay more than that and that would NOT include bills.
Sit down and work out all your bills. Every thing. Council tax, gas, electric, water, sky, phone, broadband, TV license, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Spotify, Now TV, shopping because he may buy his own food but what about everything else, washing up liquid, washing powder, shampoo, soap, air freshener, loo rolls, kitchen towel, snacks or treats, etc....
Then work out how much he should pay each month towards those.
Then work out an amicable rent. He cannot simply live rent free. That's crazy. And he knows it and he's taking the piss!

I just re read ref your son, I would also go online and get a rough cost of what you would get in benefits/universal credit if you were to claim with him not being in house. Assuming that you don't/can't claim because he is living with you.

Why don't you get maintenance for your son?

wow he is really doing you over... does his £200 cover the extra council tax you pay? does it impact your taxcredits/Universal credit if you're on a low wage...?

just stop being financially abused by the men in your life - work out what he costs you- he ether pays or leaves ....if he cant afford to live with you he can live with his mum!

contact CMS to get money from DC dad- you do not have to do it thats what they are for....... here is the link..this is to support your child..

www.gov.uk/making-child-maintenance-arrangement/using-child-maintenance-service

Eh? Suggest moving into his flat, him paying the mortgage there, you renting out your house and keeping any extra money made ... he's not gonna go for that is he cos he's not a mug but he's taking you for one

This is called a cocklodger.

He needs to pay you:

• Half the bills
• reasonable rent for the area

AT LEAST

What's wrong with you. Why will you tolerate such a thing.

He shouldn't have to pay for your son, you and his dad should do that. Him moving into your home does not mean he is taking your son on as his own, unfortunately.

However, £200 is ridiculous! My bf lives in a house share in a big city, with 4 other people and pays in the region of £400 a month, not including his food.

Also, why does he buy his own food? If you live together, surely you eat together, as a couple/family? How odd.

I agree with others, you would almost certainly be better off financially if he went back to his flat or his mum's.

I almost can't believe in this day and age anyone could be so passive
Please wake up OP. Because he doesn't go out drinking does NOT make him a respectful person. He may just not enjoy going out drinking anyway.
Respect is having consideration of another person's needs. He isn't considering the impact of you supporting him and is just taking from you. He needs to be paying the amount it would cost to rent a room in your area as a lodger. In my area that would be £400 a month with use of all facilities plus his share of food

You and your partner earn a similar salary - he gets some extra by renting out his flat.

He cant afford to pay for anything - only a little food for himself. Yet you manage to pay for your mortgage, bills, groceries, childcare.... anything strike you as odd there?

Get rid of him. He is treating you exactly how he treated his mother. But you are not his mum - what you need is a partner. Get rid of this selfish manchild!!

YOU have a very low bar of what a 'respectful partner' is.
HE is a cocklodger and taking the absolute piss.

Be careful as well that him living there doesnt give him entitlement to the house if you split. Just because hes not on the mortgage does not mean he couldn't claim for part of it

He needs to pay you rent (the going rate) and half the bills.

What a complete dick.

I don’t even agree he should just pay the going rate for a house share. If you wanted a lodger you could get one - he didn’t move in as a lodger.

If he were not a selfish toad he would be paying you a reasonable sum towards rent and bills. Taking turns with the groceries or giving you half the money (half of all not 1/3) and regularly treating you and your son to treats/meals/holidays as a minimum.

Money is the route of all evil isn't it! I am in a similar situation in that we live together, have a child together and each have a child from ex's. he pays child maintenance for his other child and pays towards the house, BUT, it doesn't cover the half towards everything I have ended up paying an extra £400 each month for food shopping! I really resent him then and have childish digs when he gets a bag of crisps lol but it is becoming a real issue and we are arguing about it. problem is that £400 goes on credit cards that I cant pay off so my debt is building up, I don't do anything socially so when he then goes out to the pub with his mates I resent him even more! I don't know what to do so I can't advise you on what to do either other than telling him that you want more than £200 or he can move intop his flat that he rents out! If his flat is 2 bed suggest you all move into it and sell your house then he can pay all the bills and you can live for free like he has been

Well paying rent is really the same as paying towards the mortgage so could give him a claim on the property. So I'd avoid that. I have never charged my partner rent for same reason.
He should always of been paying half the utilities and bills (and food but weirdly he buys his own?)
If you don't like it ask him to move out. I can't think of why anyone would argue paying half the bills (so £200 seems okay if no food)
Nb I didn't lose any benefits when partner moved in so if you did, he ought to contribute 50% towards that.
But this should all have been discussed before moving in. If you agreed he'd pay nothing then you can't get angry now that he is paying nothing. Just amend it going forward (but he may move out to avoid it)